So, when did you know you were a heterosexual/homosexual?

[dballance]

30. That's a tricky question

I remember being very young, in grade school, and my older brother and I finding our neighbor's porn magazines. I remember having internal and physical feelings associated with looking at the naked guys in the porn who were with the women. Not any feelings I had when looking at the women.

So for a long time I knew I had feelings for other men. I didn't have the foggiest idea there was a term for it or really that it was supposed to be "bad" because we never discussed sex or feelings toward others in my family, or really in my greater community. Yep, I grew up Southern Baptist in the South.

All I ever knew was I was supposed to grow up, get married and have kids to repeat the cycle. As a male in that society talk of emotions or showing them was taboo - God forbid you cry even if you're in an accident and your limb is hanging by mere threads of ligaments from your body. It would be so girly, you'd be such a "pussy" or fag so just "man up" even though I don't believe we really knew what fags were.

I guess it was Jr. High or High School the full realization of who I really am came to me. I finally said to myself "I'm" gay. Then I was immediately ashamed and frightened. Ashamed I was an "abomination" and afraid others might find out and hate me.

So I knew I was a homo long before I admitted it.