General Discussion

CoffeeCat

(24,411 posts)

93. I did the same thing

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 01:59 AM

Aug 2012

I asked my parents for accountability and an apology for horrendous abuse that happened in our family. I received nothing but denials and attacks on me--for daring to speak the truth. I haven't spoken to them since. I consider that day, a day of liberation. Life is too short. I don't care if someone is related to you--if they are abusive and make you feel horrible--then they do not deserve a relationship with you.

This bigoted, hateful "father" who wrote that letter was doing his son a favor. His son deserves love, kindness and respect. I hope he is able to heal and graduate to a better life without this terrible force dragging him down. Imagine being raised by this unfeeling, hateful person. In the end, this break will be the road to freedom and peace for the son--but the father will remain the man who rejected his son due to his hate and bigotry.

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THIS is what intolerance looks like, imagine how it feels... [View all] kpete Aug 2012 OP

My neighbors disowned their gay son. phantom power Aug 2012 #1

2 of my brothers disowned my 3rd brother when he came out. dixiegrrrrl Aug 2012 #69

Anymore, I find myself thinking... phantom power Aug 2012 #70

THankfully he still has you. NT a la izquierda Aug 2012 #98

My parents literally threw me out into the rain. Occulus Aug 2012 #134

I'm so sorry that that happened to you, Occulus. yardwork Aug 2012 #138

How can a parent be so mean to his own child? DontTreadOnMe Aug 2012 #2

Deliberate ignorance. The Doctor. Aug 2012 #29

combine intolerance, meaness and the Bible Whisp Aug 2012 #51

For some people, hate is more valuable than love n/t Scootaloo Aug 2012 #57

Ugly stuff. nc4bo Aug 2012 #3

I hope he finds himself in great need one day MattBaggins Aug 2012 #125

This makes me cry gollygee Aug 2012 #4

Same here... Jeff In Milwaukee Aug 2012 #12

I'm sure that would have been OK n/t RT_Fanatic Aug 2012 #39

+1 Chorophyll Aug 2012 #35

+ 1 Bertha Venation Aug 2012 #105

I could never see this from a gay perspective.... physioex Aug 2012 #5

walked away from my family skydive forever Aug 2012 #44

Right On...EOM physioex Aug 2012 #72

I did the same thing CoffeeCat Aug 2012 #93

I had close to the same thing happen in the 70's azurnoir Aug 2012 #45

Good for you, standing up for your beliefs....EOM physioex Aug 2012 #74

I also could never see this from a gay perspective d_r Aug 2012 #66

That is the sad state of affairs..... physioex Aug 2012 #73

I can see this from a gay perspective MotorCityMan Aug 2012 #91

it chokes me up too d_r Aug 2012 #99

If you've ever lost a child, then you know why I would shake that father through my tears... Tikki Aug 2012 #6

These are the consequences... physioex Aug 2012 #8

I hold no warrant for the arch-conservative Huckabee, but I must say in his coalition_unwilling Aug 2012 #87

Yea.... physioex Aug 2012 #88

You know, I disagree with Huckabee on just about every thing that matters. But I'll bet if he coalition_unwilling Aug 2012 #89

I am not impressed by the new wave.... physioex Aug 2012 #90

+1 HiPointDem Aug 2012 #95

Read up on Wayne DuMond and Mike Huckabee. You will never, ever doubt the msanthrope Aug 2012 #120

The name Wayne DuMond does not ring a bell. Actually, I may have seen or heard it somewhere, but coalition_unwilling Aug 2012 #146

HEre--- msanthrope Aug 2012 #150

Thanks for links, will review in detail later today. The name coalition_unwilling Aug 2012 #155

{{{{{HUG}}}}} HangOnKids Aug 2012 #27

((((((((Tikki)))))))) Chorophyll Aug 2012 #37

(hug) proud patriot Aug 2012 #56

Hugs right back to you all....it is always there.. Tikki Aug 2012 #80

many hugs Tikki MJkcj Aug 2012 #81

choking up mrs_p Aug 2012 #107

There are no words... FourScore Aug 2012 #112

me too. barbtries Aug 2012 #116

Hugs sweetie.... Tikki Aug 2012 #117

holy shit quinnox Aug 2012 #7

Republican Christians are lying about Homosexuality being a lifestyle choice. alfredo Aug 2012 #9

be honest... which of the following is a choice? ldf Aug 2012 #79

You said that so well. alfredo Aug 2012 #86

Shame On "Dad" WillyT Aug 2012 #10

Ugh. Warren DeMontague Aug 2012 #11

Well..... Jeff In Milwaukee Aug 2012 #14

"...even if they came home and told me they were Republicans." Wait Wut Aug 2012 #22

Truly pathetic! Strega Ribiera Aug 2012 #13

And some wonder why suicides are so high reflection Aug 2012 #15

What a horrible, horrible man. LeftofObama Aug 2012 #16

He's better off without that dipshit. Scuba Aug 2012 #17

What an asshole....James is better off without him... truebrit71 Aug 2012 #18

you are right. and that letter says more about the father than it does the kid. ejpoeta Aug 2012 #130

The hatred is beyond belief when a father rights this kind of letter. sarcasmo Aug 2012 #19

Holy fuck. Wait Wut Aug 2012 #20

Oh, how sad. GardeningGal Aug 2012 #21

Sad. I hope the dad some day realizes the destructive nature of the attitude that he has chosen. slackmaster Aug 2012 #23

One can't help but wonder if there's a bullied cali Aug 2012 #24

That's one of the saddest things Le Taz Hot Aug 2012 #25

I agree with the article that the signature is wrong sarisataka Aug 2012 #26

Shortly after Dad�s passing, he finds a note tacked to the Pearly Gates: 1StrongBlackMan Aug 2012 #28

Brilliant gollygee Aug 2012 #30

Love it sarisataka Aug 2012 #31

Well done! Chorophyll Aug 2012 #38

That dad already lives in hell! murray hill farm Aug 2012 #55

I don't know if you intended it; but ... 1StrongBlackMan Aug 2012 #60

Beautiful! I may have to borrow that, if ya don't mind :-) Care Acutely Aug 2012 #85

Excellent. Thank you, Strong Black Man. Bertha Venation Aug 2012 #106

Perfect. n/t FourScore Aug 2012 #113

Some minister put those words in that father's mind. yardwork Aug 2012 #32

Bigotry is sad and dangerous to life and family. Lint Head Aug 2012 #33

That is a f*cking horrible thing for a parent to write to a child. Chorophyll Aug 2012 #34

This dad is a complete fucking coward. Initech Aug 2012 #36

I think of the message and remember the sharing of this poem by my mother MrMickeysMom Aug 2012 #40

Very Sad... liberallibral Aug 2012 #41

James, wherever you are... a la izquierda Aug 2012 #42

Sad. nt ZombieHorde Aug 2012 #43

Maybe this dad should have "come to visit" his son one more time... mike dub Aug 2012 #46

he's a chicken shit. couldn't even say it to the kid's face. ejpoeta Aug 2012 #131

Dad may be in the closet. That's a lot of hate. And most people hate themselves first McCamy Taylor Aug 2012 #47

Straight people are very capable of that much hate. (n/t) gollygee Aug 2012 #48

Thank you saying that. I get tired of the excuses Lex Aug 2012 #62

The "all homophobes are probably gay" thing is getting a little old. (nt) Posteritatis Aug 2012 #114

I recently came out to my RW dad Sick of the GOP Aug 2012 #49

That's terrific -- all respect for you and your dad! VOX Aug 2012 #52

Thanks for the welcome Sick of the GOP Aug 2012 #143

HI ...and Welcome to DU... Tikki Aug 2012 #124

Thanks for the welcome Sick of the GOP Aug 2012 #144

Welcome to DU! yardwork Aug 2012 #133

Thank you Sick of the GOP Aug 2012 #145

That's fine. A lot of us do that. No problem at all. yardwork Aug 2012 #157

It seems the thing about these kind of people (the Father) is that feeling right and superior azurnoir Aug 2012 #50

It's the same logic as honor killing TrogL Aug 2012 #61

When my kids were teenagers Freddie Aug 2012 #53

just awful proud patriot Aug 2012 #54

I cannot begin to imagine the pain the son felt LibDemAlways Aug 2012 #58

Don't worry-- he'll want to reestablish contact when he's old and infirm and WANTS something. Marr Aug 2012 #59

Still hope naturallyselected Aug 2012 #63

If James does leave the door open just a bit . . . Lex Aug 2012 #64

Agreed naturallyselected Aug 2012 #68

I can't say that my father actually disowned anyone for being gay, but... derby378 Aug 2012 #65

I would think disowning a child would be more unnatural and degrading than anything the 4th law of robotics Aug 2012 #67

I can imagine what it felt like... TheAmbivalante Aug 2012 #71

"Dad" blames himself for his son being gay ... and rather than deal with reality, JoePhilly Aug 2012 #75

If he could reject him now, spotlight Aug 2012 #76

"What is wrong with people?" doesn't being to cover it. DirkGently Aug 2012 #77

James never had a real Dad to begin with. Ikonoklast Aug 2012 #78

Must be nice to have other people do your thinking for you. HughBeaumont Aug 2012 #82

I've read about so many here 'disowning' RW relatives. Zax2me Aug 2012 #83

The two aren't even in the same galaxy of meaning Occulus Aug 2012 #122

Link? yardwork Aug 2012 #132

The major difference being that being RW actually is a choice Downtown Hound Aug 2012 #136

Sorry, but you're conflating being born gay with choosing to be a Republican. Selatius Aug 2012 #152

What a pathetic loser. Here's what totally awesome dads do ~ Zorra Aug 2012 #84

A neighbor woman of mine in Wyoming frogmarch Aug 2012 #92

Hate to be a wet blanket but . . . RZM Aug 2012 #94

According to the article: Warren DeMontague Aug 2012 #97

Thanks so much for your concern. nt Zorra Aug 2012 #108

How do you know that it's happening less and less? For all we know it is happening more. yardwork Aug 2012 #121

There's no way to know for sure. I don't think that data is collected on this type of thing RZM Aug 2012 #126

Data is collected on 'that sort of thing'. Bluenorthwest Aug 2012 #140

Why the disapproving quote marks? RZM Aug 2012 #142

Without exception the most important job any man can have is being a father Major Nikon Aug 2012 #96

I really hope Missycim Aug 2012 #100

Whether it's a real letter or a hoax, Bertha Venation Aug 2012 #109

May the old man die alone BlueToTheBone Aug 2012 #101

Amen!!! jillan Aug 2012 #104

Just more of that unconditional love Jesus preached about..... kestrel91316 Aug 2012 #102

It's funny; no where in the Bible does Jesus advocate shunning people because you disapprove of them 4th law of robotics Aug 2012 #111

Doesn't your bible say these things? Jesus hated just about everyone. Manifestor_of_Light Aug 2012 #118

For some reason those parts go unread. JNelson6563 Aug 2012 #154

The Bible is a bunch of superstitious crap. Manifestor_of_Light Aug 2012 #158

My daughter. hamsterjill Aug 2012 #103

I don't think this "dad" ever loved his son mrs_p Aug 2012 #110

I believe you are correct. eom yawnmaster Aug 2012 #135

where is the love? barbtries Aug 2012 #115

OK, deep breath.... MountainMama Aug 2012 #119

Thank you for posting this. People need to know. yardwork Aug 2012 #123

Thank you. MountainMama Aug 2012 #137

Thank you for hanging in there for your nephew. yardwork Aug 2012 #139

Bless you.... MountainMama Aug 2012 #151

My recommendation is to say it to her. jeff47 Aug 2012 #148

Why would it have been released and allowed to go viral? I don't get it. virgogal Aug 2012 #127

Because it's 5 years later, and James lives with his boyfriend who's an activist. jeff47 Aug 2012 #149

so then god does make mistakes? i thought he didn't. ejpoeta Aug 2012 #128

Hopefully, when he is on his death bed (or before then) LibAsHell Aug 2012 #129

He's better off without that asshole father in his life... Blue_Tires Aug 2012 #141

Dear ''Dad'' DeSwiss Aug 2012 #147

If jesus were alive DonCoquixote Aug 2012 #153

Makes This Guy Seem Almost Magnanimous On the Road Aug 2012 #156

That is a male who never loved his son Maeve Aug 2012 #159