White Man Hopes to Land Job Without Background Check [View all]
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A fifty-three-year-old white man from Washington, D.C., is hoping to land a six-figure job for life without being subjected to a thorough background check, the man confirmed on Tuesday.
The man, Brett Kavanaugh, said that he was “pretty chill” about his upcoming job interview because he had been assured that “anything super damaging” had been removed from his H.R. file.
“There’s some stuff in my past—especially, like, from the nineties—that would be kind of heinous if anyone looked into it,” Kavanaugh said. “Fortunately, I know someone in H.R. and he took, like, a hundred thousand pages out of my file.”
The Washington native said that he had been assured that his job interview would be led by a group of other white men who “won’t ask me anything too hard.”
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/white-man-hopes-to-land-job-without-background-check?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20090418&CNDID=25394153&utm_source=Silverpop&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Borowitz%20090418&utm_content=&spMailingID=14185346&spUserID=MTMzMTgyNjg0NzM5S0&spJobID=1480276104&spReportId=MTQ4MDI3NjEwNAS2
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