General Discussion

samnsara

(18,771 posts)

128. OMG do i relate!! add in: crazy siblings accusing me of slapping my 94 yr old dad..

Mon Dec 10, 2018, 06:36 PM

Dec 2018

...and now suing to take my POA away. GOOD LORD I dont even squish bugs! My mom passed in April JUST as my hubby and I closed on a house for them to live in the same town as we do. Now my RN sis who is crazy as a loon is
living with him but shes a retired RN and single.

IM SO sorry you are going thru this with your parents. Its so hard....even with a functional family. Enjoy every single minute you have with them. Make sure ALL their paper work and last wishes are in writing and all know whats expected. We tried for 4 years to get dad to give up the 'lap of luxury'.. a run down dilapidated house on an acre of weeds 45-90 miles away from their kids. Things really change when even one parent passes.

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For Those of Us with Aging Parents, [View all] MineralMan Dec 2018 OP

I feel for you, and am glad your parents are in a safe place. Liberty Belle Dec 2018 #1

Unfortunately, I live in Minnesota and they're in California. MineralMan Dec 2018 #2

My mom is in a very similar situation as yours. yardwork Dec 2018 #22

I had a similar experience with my aging mom, Liberty Belle Ohiogal Dec 2018 #30

If I may mention True Blue American Dec 2018 #102

I'm sure they can be nasty. Ohiogal Dec 2018 #129

Sweet thoughts, nicely written, MM. Totally Tunsie Dec 2018 #3

Thanks. I know a lot of DUers are in similar situations. MineralMan Dec 2018 #4

My mom wants to leave the nursing home before Christmas. davsand Dec 2018 #5

Like all of us, our aged parents overestimate their abilities. MineralMan Dec 2018 #7

I think that aged people without cognitive impairment have a right.. LAS14 Dec 2018 #127

It's like being drafted TexasBushwhacker Dec 2018 #31

Absolutely! I've never doubted helping my mom. davsand Dec 2018 #66

These are big changes. Turbineguy Dec 2018 #6

My Mom is turning 91. She lives w/ family & believes it's her last Christmas. CousinIT Dec 2018 #8

My mom's memory is down to about 30 seconds these days. MineralMan Dec 2018 #10

I've been through this, too pandr32 Dec 2018 #9

Yes. Being mindful of the fact that they are still important MineralMan Dec 2018 #11

You sound like a good son pandr32 Dec 2018 #50

I try to be, but am always seeing ways that I could do better. MineralMan Dec 2018 #53

Sensible pandr32 Dec 2018 #70

A word of advice for anyone whose parents are contemplating assisted living. pnwmom Dec 2018 #12

That's a very good point. It's not an issue for my parents, however. MineralMan Dec 2018 #13

You would have more choices than VA if you have enough to pay for six months. pnwmom Dec 2018 #18

But you can only transition to Medicaid if you have spent down all the assets. Grasswire2 Dec 2018 #92

Right. But if the two of them were in assisted living, pnwmom Dec 2018 #94

That usually requires divorce. Hassin Bin Sober Dec 2018 #116

No, the separate spend-down provisions do not require divorce. pnwmom Dec 2018 #121

Hopefully if you do, it will be a VA nursing home like the one I work at Maru Kitteh Dec 2018 #119

That's wonderful. Thanks for what you do! MineralMan Dec 2018 #120

Good point and thank you for mentioning this. I'll remember this in my planning. Thanks again. NT SWBTATTReg Dec 2018 #15

My grandmother was lucky LeftInTX Dec 2018 #73

I took an early retirement and lived with my dad for roody Dec 2018 #87

It's likely some siblings will never understand. Some by choice, ignorance (willful or otherwise) Maru Kitteh Dec 2018 #122

Thanks for your story. It is a difficult one, that as you say, a lot of us are dealing w/, ... SWBTATTReg Dec 2018 #14

I wish you the best of possible outcomes. MineralMan Dec 2018 #16

I'm going through this too. Sending bright blessings to light your way. yardwork Dec 2018 #17

Ask and ye shall receive... Sunriser13 Dec 2018 #89

Thank you! yardwork Dec 2018 #130

I'm kind of glad my mom only made it Codeine Dec 2018 #19

It has only been in the last couple of years that my parents MineralMan Dec 2018 #24

I hear you. mindfulNJ Dec 2018 #20

Been there with my in-laws and more recently my dad. StarryNite Dec 2018 #21

Thanks very much. So far, I'm not facing losing them, quite yet. MineralMan Dec 2018 #25

My Mom is doing well at 80 ismnotwasm Dec 2018 #23

80-year olds often do pretty darned well. MineralMan Dec 2018 #27

I have a very good friend who is 94 ismnotwasm Dec 2018 #42

Yes. Once one is in the mid-90s, living is a challenge in itself. MineralMan Dec 2018 #46

It is not just our parents. This is what we will have to consider, at some point question everything Dec 2018 #26

Yes. We will all probably face this. MineralMan Dec 2018 #28

This is all very eye-opening and discouraging. colorado_ufo Dec 2018 #29

Stick with it. You don't have to decide anything just yet. MineralMan Dec 2018 #34

Thank you colorado_ufo Dec 2018 #35

This end of life business sucks big time. LisaL Dec 2018 #32

Yes. Everyone wants things to continue as they are. MineralMan Dec 2018 #36

The problem is, once dementia kicks in, there ain't no convincing the elderly. LisaL Dec 2018 #38

That's for sure karin_sj Dec 2018 #101

My circumstances hibbing Dec 2018 #33

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. MineralMan Dec 2018 #37

Amen SallyHemmings Dec 2018 #39

Yes, assisted living is so expensive. LisaL Dec 2018 #40

That's a real issue for most people. MineralMan Dec 2018 #43

Long Term Care Insurance SallyHemmings Dec 2018 #44

Yes. I have one such policy PoindexterOglethorpe Dec 2018 #55

It is a gift to your family too SallyHemmings Dec 2018 #56

Yes, it is. PoindexterOglethorpe Dec 2018 #63

Never heard of it. Where does one get it, how old do you have to be, and how expensive is it? LisaL Dec 2018 #82

Depends on your state or Commonwealth SallyHemmings Dec 2018 #84

Double that in California demosincebirth Dec 2018 #98

Many of us are in similar situations. It's good to have a thread MineralMan Dec 2018 #41

There, there. LisaL Dec 2018 #45

Yes, indeed! MineralMan Dec 2018 #47

Thanks for sharing SallyHemmings Dec 2018 #48

Real problems justify concern. We're all concerned MineralMan Dec 2018 #49

Count me and wife in the group Dave in VA Dec 2018 #51

I know that many here are dealing with those issues. MineralMan Dec 2018 #54

"This end of life business sucks, pretty much." Hortensis Dec 2018 #52

I just got off my daily call with my parents. MineralMan Dec 2018 #57

You make it easy to imagine being him, or at least Hortensis Dec 2018 #80

Echoes of my own life Boomer Dec 2018 #103

Your father misses his home of many years. FuzzyRabbit Dec 2018 #58

Yes, he does. However, it's a farm and his frustration at not MineralMan Dec 2018 #59

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience. It's a real dilemma. TygrBright Dec 2018 #60

It's good that you're recognizing and planning for your own future MineralMan Dec 2018 #64

I find stories like this so frustrating and discouraging. PoindexterOglethorpe Dec 2018 #61

I agree. My wife and I talk about that fairly often. MineralMan Dec 2018 #67

Sort of a Golden Girls thing, right? PoindexterOglethorpe Dec 2018 #74

Hell...We ARE the older generation now. MineralMan Dec 2018 #76

Sounds like you've thought this through. PoindexterOglethorpe Dec 2018 #79

It's hard to see them get frail study war no more Dec 2018 #62

Welcome to DU, study war no more. calimary Dec 2018 #104

August 8th is when my world stopped. Lifelong Protester Dec 2018 #65

I'm sorry to hear that, and hope you can find MineralMan Dec 2018 #68

I feel for you and anyone who has to take charge of elderly parents LeftInTX Dec 2018 #69

This is so sad for me to read...I took early retirement HipChick Dec 2018 #71

All of us have our own stories about this. MineralMan Dec 2018 #75

This is my first Christmas ever without my mother Jarqui Dec 2018 #72

We're in the same canoe, MineralMan PJMcK Dec 2018 #77

I spent seven years taking care of my parents. Dem2theMax Dec 2018 #78

We had my parents in a retirement residence. We wanted to keep them applegrove Dec 2018 #81

comments on "it's hard" NJCher Dec 2018 #83

The blessed moments that may still occur lostnfound Dec 2018 #85

I don't feel alone reading this marlakay Dec 2018 #86

I know the feeling about stubborn mothers. blueinredohio Dec 2018 #93

I had that revelation about my mom's last Christmas last year. nini Dec 2018 #88

My maternal Grandma lived at her home until about 4 months before her passing 47of74 Dec 2018 #112

It's a strange feeling isn't it nini Dec 2018 #123

My father was, contrary to ALL expectations, in care for a few years. BobTheSubgenius Dec 2018 #90

When I say "didn't really slow him down..." BobTheSubgenius Dec 2018 #91

I AM the "aging parent", and it DOES suck SoCalDem Dec 2018 #95

They are so fortunate to have each other at 94. LibDemAlways Dec 2018 #96

Sacred duty. jeffreyi Dec 2018 #97

Wow! 94! My dad passed away when I was 27. :( Loved the guy a lot, too. Still miss him. C Moon Dec 2018 #99

It sounds as though you have wonderful parents GeoWilliam750 Dec 2018 #100

My grandparents are 92 and 89, and my uncle lives with them. He moved Luciferous Dec 2018 #105

I hope to make the move before it becomes necessary spinbaby Dec 2018 #106

Thanks to everyone for all the good wishes and comments! MineralMan Dec 2018 #107

Yes it sure does samplegirl Dec 2018 #108

My grandpa was very resistant to moving 47of74 Dec 2018 #109

There is an adjustment that has to be made in that move. MineralMan Dec 2018 #110

I understand what it is like. Dem_4_Life Dec 2018 #111

You have no idea how bad it can get extvbroadcaster Dec 2018 #113

I'm sorry you had that experience. MineralMan Dec 2018 #115

I commiserate, MM peggysue2 Dec 2018 #114

Another K and R to show support KentuckyWoman Dec 2018 #117

Thanks so much! MineralMan Dec 2018 #118

Well said, MM. I live with my 91 yr old mother. cry baby Dec 2018 #124

Thanks. Sometimes it takes stepping outside and MineralMan Dec 2018 #125

I sure understand! My mom refuses to get hearing aids. cry baby Dec 2018 #126

OMG do i relate!! add in: crazy siblings accusing me of slapping my 94 yr old dad.. samnsara Dec 2018 #128