Doesn't Feel Like Ryan Is Already Falling Apart?

[jmowreader]

62. One who isn't overly fond of his right hand or breathing, for that matter

What Ryan actually does is called catfish noodling. Whatcha do to noodle a catfish is to go out in a murky river, find a cave you think a good-sized catfish might be nesting in, and stick your hand into the cave.

If all goes well, the catfish bites your hand. You grab the fish by the jawbone and drag it out of its cave. Your buddies then help you get it onto the bank.

There are a few problems with doing this.

Problem 1: this tends to piss off the fish.
Problem 2: channel catfish can grow to approximately the size of Paul Ryan, and they're stronger.
Problem 3: the bottom of the river is fairly slick, which leads to...
Problem 4: large, pissed off channel catfish can drag you below the surface and make you drownded. Or they can stick one of their venomous spines in your leg and do you in that way.
And then there's...
Problem 5: Rivers with catfish large enough to noodle ALSO contain snapping turtles, who tend to live in the same kinds of places large cats do.

And then there's the issue of why a man who doesn't eat the flesh of animals is out there draggin' catfish out of the water with his bare hands...