General Discussion

moriah

(8,312 posts)

134. Welcome to DU!

Wed Feb 6, 2019, 06:08 PM

Feb 2019

First, I'd like to state that the opinions expressed below are strictly my own, and may not be representative of DU as a whole.

Now.... Please re-read your statement and think about how a person who has been a victim of sexual assault might construe your statement.

I was raped. By someone I'd known for three years. I didn't get the chance to actually SAY no, but trusted him enough to drink far more than my usual and went to sleep on the offered couch while he and his friend were still awake. I woke up with his friend gone, in his bed, to penetration, and the adrenaline surge as I was coming out of the tunnel of alcohol-enhanced sleep was intense enough I was able to terminate the rape in progress.

Sure, I could have chosen not to drink. He certainly couldn't have carried me without me waking up if I hadn't been blitzed. Sure, I could have just stayed home when I got the call to hang out with a friend I'd known so long. But I trusted him. I thought I had a safe place to sleep off the booze.

Just *how* careful should people have to be for what happened to them to not be considered their fault? Never be alone with a person unless you want to screw them right then and there? Court like the Duggars?

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BREAKING: Statement from Lt. Governor Justin Fairfax [View all] brooklynite Feb 2019 OP

There is no way out of this for a Democrat theboss Feb 2019 #1

Maybe a matter of different perceptions moondust Feb 2019 #6

In another words, every date rape accusation ever theboss Feb 2019 #9

He said/she said. moondust Feb 2019 #12

There's a statement from a friend at Stanford that she has talked about this theboss Feb 2019 #14

I don't "believe all women" qazplm135 Feb 2019 #39

THIS cab67 Feb 2019 #81

This! happy feet Feb 2019 #224

THIS.. ADX Feb 2019 #231

Who "believes all women"? Loki Liesmith Feb 2019 #153

Actually, if you are in the middle of a hot make out session Drahthaardogs Feb 2019 #192

She explained... dawg day Feb 2019 #215

The timing is suspicious. Hotel room meeting and then friends for yrs afterward. hmmm onit2day Feb 2019 #128

Not comforting, but also quite true. Adrahil Feb 2019 #34

That may well be the case - Ms. Toad Feb 2019 #28

I don't buy that men don't know. I am pretty sure they don't care if they don't know. 58Sunliner Feb 2019 #112

I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt - Ms. Toad Feb 2019 #195

Also consider... druidity33 Feb 2019 #152

Here's what doesn't seem to square with me. Strikes me Laura PourMeADrink Feb 2019 #155

As to your first paragraph - Ms. Toad Feb 2019 #196

Yes...if you mean telling someone else, I agree. I am Laura PourMeADrink Feb 2019 #198

I never said anything to the acquaintance who raped me - Ms. Toad Feb 2019 #200

Sorry. Sounds like this might have Laura PourMeADrink Feb 2019 #201

The kiss was unexpected but consensual - beyond that no. Ms. Toad Feb 2019 #202

This is a tough one and illustrates how difficult this can be. Pacifist Patriot Feb 2019 #17

You do know what the legal definition of misconstruing consent is, right? theboss Feb 2019 #19

Yes Pacifist Patriot Feb 2019 #22

Pretty reasonable qazplm135 Feb 2019 #70

not quite qazplm135 Feb 2019 #42

Mistake of fact has largely been a dead letter since the 90s theboss Feb 2019 #50

Absolutely not a dead letter qazplm135 Feb 2019 #64

also this isnt a court of law radius777 Feb 2019 #206

That's exactly how I see it EffieBlack Feb 2019 #32

Truth. Empowerer Feb 2019 #73

Why would she stay in contact with him for 15 year and never bring up her discomfort with Nitram Feb 2019 #20

According to her, she hasn't spoken to him since the incident. BlueStater Feb 2019 #23

That is what has the strongest potential to determine credibility. Pacifist Patriot Feb 2019 #25

Have any males on these threads had intercourse with other women before ??? Hulk Feb 2019 #85

There's lots of "unfair" reasons a given person can't serve in public office Recursion Feb 2019 #232

Actually there is a point where he seems to (nearly) contradict her. MH1 Feb 2019 #109

Bullshit. triron Feb 2019 #208

I thought it was a great statement...this situation reminds me of the woman who accused the Demsrule86 Feb 2019 #225

smart... well played Blue_Tires Feb 2019 #2

Whatever he said if private (as being reported), thank heavens he didn't attack her in the statement hlthe2b Feb 2019 #3

The precedent has been set. He must be ousted from his position. Honeycombe8 Feb 2019 #4

I disagree. This is a great opportunity to demonstrate it's a crappy precedent. Pacifist Patriot Feb 2019 #18

So what should the precedent be? Just ignore her? theboss Feb 2019 #21

WTF? Why would anyone think I would advocate ignoring her? Pacifist Patriot Feb 2019 #24

Because "an investigation" is a cop out theboss Feb 2019 #27

For one thing, the discrepancy in whether or not they had contact over the last fifteen years. Pacifist Patriot Feb 2019 #38

well for one qazplm135 Feb 2019 #46

Kept It To Herself erpowers Feb 2019 #84

One of the things that troubles me about this is how it came to light EffieBlack Feb 2019 #95

Like I said, she clearly went to the DNC in 2004 with the intent of trapping someone.... theboss Feb 2019 #104

Rec. LOL. 58Sunliner Feb 2019 #131

Exactly, has a Roger Stone-ish feel radius777 Feb 2019 #214

That's all Kavanaugh's accusers ever asked for was an investigation. nt SunSeeker Feb 2019 #57

Because it can't resolve anything. Tie goes to the runner, I guess. theboss Feb 2019 #60

Investigations are not useless. They dig up corroborating, and exculpatory, evidence. SunSeeker Feb 2019 #91

Exactly - it's not a court of law radius777 Feb 2019 #210

By "runner" I assume you mean the accused because of the innocent until proven guilty thing? EffieBlack Feb 2019 #97

I'm not sure that's the entire point of MeToo. cab67 Feb 2019 #77

The entire point of MeToo is that there is nothing to investigate but we still believe it happened. OilemFirchen Feb 2019 #193

that's the problem with MeToo. radius777 Feb 2019 #209

Thank you for writing this Empowerer Feb 2019 #213

Yeah, especially since we know they are being weaponized obamanut2012 Feb 2019 #53

I agree pandr32 Feb 2019 #65

Ah, the ol' "She regretted the encounter" argument theboss Feb 2019 #74

"If a past event was legal and socially acceptable (or even tolerated)"-WTF?? 58Sunliner Feb 2019 #118

This thread is really bizarre. And disappointing... demmiblue Feb 2019 #120

So are we letting Weinstein and Cosby out too? EllieBC Feb 2019 #123

We're giving Democrats a one-rape pass, I think theboss Feb 2019 #146

It truly is. EllieBC Feb 2019 #154

Nah, just not allowing the ratfucking ... #metoo doesn't mean guilt by accusation. That's unwise uponit7771 Feb 2019 #168

Really? pandr32 Feb 2019 #158

#metoo doesn't mean guilt by accusation uponit7771 Feb 2019 #167

I hope you are referring to extremely bad costume choices... moriah Feb 2019 #230

So NOW you think it's not a good idea. Honeycombe8 Feb 2019 #170

Are you sure you're replying to me? Pacifist Patriot Feb 2019 #223

This is false, #metoo doesn't mean guilt by accusation uponit7771 Feb 2019 #166

It does to some. Ask the people on the Franken list. nt Honeycombe8 Feb 2019 #172

True, that's why this shouldn't go down the wrong track of Franken uponit7771 Feb 2019 #173

Too late. Can't roll back time for Franken. The precedent has been set. Honeycombe8 Feb 2019 #175

Never too late to do the right thing, no need to keep making the same mistake different day uponit7771 Feb 2019 #185

I fought like hell to keep Franken from resigning EffieBlack Feb 2019 #176

He didn't resign. He was ousted. He had no choice. Honeycombe8 Feb 2019 #177

This is a good statement mcar Feb 2019 #5

Do we have any details of her complaint? nt LAS14 Feb 2019 #7

She has a long statement in another thread theboss Feb 2019 #8

Do you know how I can find the other thread underpants Feb 2019 #83

It's in general discussion twice theboss Feb 2019 #93

Found it. underpants Feb 2019 #115

Here you go... PunkinPi Feb 2019 #114

Kudos to whoever crafted that statement... ADX Feb 2019 #10

I can bet it was not Fairfax. 58Sunliner Feb 2019 #111

This is why i support # ME TOO Rustyeye77 Feb 2019 #11

I don't know what he should do dawg day Feb 2019 #13

I agree with your comment bdamomma Feb 2019 #51

She is a fellow at Stanford. She does not look like a hit job. 58Sunliner Feb 2019 #133

Welcome to DU bdamomma Feb 2019 #182

I don't think it's a hit job-- you miss my point-- dawg day Feb 2019 #234

He needs to step down. Hassin Bin Sober Feb 2019 #15

Yes--Because Eating Our Young and Losing Elections Is the Democratic Creed!! DoctorJoJo Feb 2019 #33

This needs to be investigated to the fullest obamanut2012 Feb 2019 #55

Define an investigation here theboss Feb 2019 #62

This is false, #metoo doesn't mean guilt by accusation uponit7771 Feb 2019 #169

It's a credible accusation and a credible person. Hassin Bin Sober Feb 2019 #181

Nothing can be gained, still doesn't mean guilt by accusation. #NoFranken2.0 uponit7771 Feb 2019 #184

From day one it was known Franken's accuser was a right wing media personality. Hassin Bin Sober Feb 2019 #187

When money/power/fame is involved, radius777 Feb 2019 #218

Why are you talking about "guilt"? This isn't a criminal trial Recursion Feb 2019 #233

He says she stayed in touch months after. In her statement, she says she never spoke to him Nanjeanne Feb 2019 #16

we already know what he said about the post not printing her story wasn't true questionseverything Feb 2019 #30

Indeed... regnaD kciN Feb 2019 #136

certainly true...he's made an allegation qazplm135 Feb 2019 #43

Exactly. Which is why I wonder why he inserted that so specifically into his statement. Nanjeanne Feb 2019 #45

one of two reasons qazplm135 Feb 2019 #49

I have heard that there is evidence she stayed in touch...and that is why the Post wouldn't touch it Demsrule86 Feb 2019 #226

This won't be taken well here I'm sure DirtEdonE Feb 2019 #26

So we should investigate her finances? #MeToo #nt theboss Feb 2019 #29

If that's where you'd like to take it then go there DirtEdonE Feb 2019 #37

So MeToo is a Republican front? theboss Feb 2019 #40

Well, me too is only getting rid of Democrats DirtEdonE Feb 2019 #44

MeToo is (mainly) a white movement radius777 Feb 2019 #219

sometimes it is...in this case yes. Demsrule86 Feb 2019 #227

Bad foreplay is not sexual assault; bad consensual sex is not rape. rocktivity Feb 2019 #31

The fuck? theboss Feb 2019 #36

I understand your position completely and I agree DirtEdonE Feb 2019 #41

My god, that is fucked up. n/t demmiblue Feb 2019 #47

According to her, he forced her to perform oral sex on him when she didn't want to. BlueStater Feb 2019 #52

According to him, they had a consensual relationship DirtEdonE Feb 2019 #61

And his word is more credible than hers...why? BlueStater Feb 2019 #67

It's not qazplm135 Feb 2019 #71

And her word is more credible than his...why? DirtEdonE Feb 2019 #75

NEITHER of them have given me a reason to believe one MORE than the other rocktivity Feb 2019 #79

And, as we all pointed out during the Kavanaugh hearings... regnaD kciN Feb 2019 #139

It was a job interview, as I recall theboss Feb 2019 #144

Which is why we need more info radius777 Feb 2019 #217

This is false, #metoo doesn't mean guilt by accusation uponit7771 Feb 2019 #171

You're the one implying that he should be believed over her. BlueStater Feb 2019 #80

You're the one implying that she should be believed over him. DirtEdonE Feb 2019 #87

I seem to recall someone else who seems to think you always side with the man... brooklynite Feb 2019 #110

You're not accusing DirtEdonE of saying we should always side with the man, are you? EffieBlack Feb 2019 #119

Are you going to keep repeating everything I say like a parrot? BlueStater Feb 2019 #122

There is no fair way to ajudicate this. So let the voters decide in the next election. Demsrule86 Feb 2019 #228

Timing. Not a peep to a soul in 15 years, then boom! Dream Girl Feb 2019 #100

I expect better from this place. How disgusting. BlueStater Feb 2019 #127

#metoo doesn't mean guilt by accusation, I'm more disgusted that this is Franken 2.0 uponit7771 Feb 2019 #174

What evidence do you have that this is a hit job? BlueStater Feb 2019 #189

Because guilt buy accusation is screwed up no matter what the sequence of events. The DNC handled uponit7771 Feb 2019 #190

And according to the statement of hers that I found rocktivity Feb 2019 #69

A woman can say no at any time. EllieBC Feb 2019 #76

Don't leave me this way DirtEdonE Feb 2019 #89

People in general DirtEdonE Feb 2019 #90

This sounds so republican to be honest. EllieBC Feb 2019 #92

oh no - the ultimate insult! DirtEdonE Feb 2019 #94

What movement? That women are people? EllieBC Feb 2019 #99

Listen, don't try to run that crap on me DirtEdonE Feb 2019 #116

Glad you realize we aren't all the Holy Madonna, though I'm sorry for the circumstances. moriah Feb 2019 #197

Welcome to DU! moriah Feb 2019 #134

And here we have an example of why women don't report sexual assault. nt LAS14 Feb 2019 #156

I wasn't going to say it right out, but I must admit you are correct. moriah Feb 2019 #194

I'm not a woman DirtEdonE Feb 2019 #211

The Katie Brennan story DirtEdonE Feb 2019 #82

Women Want Sex Also erpowers Feb 2019 #126

Just OMFG. All those rapists are victims of scheming women. 58Sunliner Feb 2019 #140

Have you read her statement? TexasBushwhacker Feb 2019 #68

Have you read his statement DirtEdonE Feb 2019 #96

I read both statements TexasBushwhacker Feb 2019 #113

Why would he lie? DirtEdonE Feb 2019 #212

I guess it's not good enough for me n/t TexasBushwhacker Feb 2019 #220

This message was self-deleted by its author Mosby Feb 2019 #35

And people have also been wrongly convicted - and often executed - based on ONE person's testimony EffieBlack Feb 2019 #59

This message was self-deleted by its author Mosby Feb 2019 #105

Which, accepting your numbers, means that between 2 to 8 percent of allegations are false EffieBlack Feb 2019 #124

I am bdamomma Feb 2019 #48

How is this a hit job? She a liberal college professor? theboss Feb 2019 #54

yup obamanut2012 Feb 2019 #56

Social Media Lynching bpj62 Feb 2019 #58

Now, I don't have the most extensive sexual resume around... regnaD kciN Feb 2019 #151

Encounters bpj62 Feb 2019 #164

We can't hold others accountable unless we KPN Feb 2019 #63

What process is due? theboss Feb 2019 #66

Something I have never understood. Lonestarblue Feb 2019 #72

Ok well, then I guess all the rapists get off the hook? EllieBC Feb 2019 #78

Nope. There's a difference between "what she was wearing" and MH1 Feb 2019 #117

Going into the room is not consent to sex treestar Feb 2019 #180

Oh I fully agree. But we have no idea what ACTUALLY happened. MH1 Feb 2019 #183

nice slut shaming obamanut2012 Feb 2019 #102

It is all over this thread. EllieBC Feb 2019 #103

I think your post is entirely reasonable. Demit Feb 2019 #132

Thanks. I think some drew conclusions I did not intend. Lonestarblue Feb 2019 #204

Thank You RobinA Feb 2019 #205

Read her statement. I don't know if it's true, but it is not a description... LAS14 Feb 2019 #159

You could just go there to talk treestar Feb 2019 #179

It is entirely possible for 2 people to have different perceptions of the same event IronLionZion Feb 2019 #86

I don't know if it's just me, but I couldn't imagine being able to "perform" in that situation... PeeJ52 Feb 2019 #88

I will not try him in the court of public opinion underthematrix Feb 2019 #98

Wow... regnaD kciN Feb 2019 #157

STAND YOUR GROUND LT. GOV FAIRFAX. Baltimike Feb 2019 #101

What if he, like, raped her? theboss Feb 2019 #130

What if he, like didn't rape her? EffieBlack Feb 2019 #135

We tried to do that to Kavanaugh theboss Feb 2019 #137

This. And the TIMING of BOTH of these things is too convenient Baltimike Feb 2019 #188

Good statement, let the investigation proceed. Squinch Feb 2019 #106

Exactly. ooky Feb 2019 #191

Full disclosure, I've gone to hotel rooms and knew exactly what I was getting into. Dream Girl Feb 2019 #107

So, does that mean every woman should be assumed to be just like you? regnaD kciN Feb 2019 #161

I think it's a reasonable assumption that if you're going with a guy to his hotel room Dream Girl Feb 2019 #163

This message was self-deleted by its author happy feet Feb 2019 #229

Without any actual evidence, this really isn't pursuable CTAtheist Feb 2019 #108

And there's the precedent issue Yosemito Feb 2019 #121

So? theboss Feb 2019 #141

If "we" were ever in favor of "guilty by accusation", "we" were wrong - nt CTAtheist Feb 2019 #148

Congratulations! Lindsay Graham would approve... regnaD kciN Feb 2019 #162

Not sure who this "we" is people keep referring to CTAtheist Feb 2019 #165

Kav didn't have the job yet treestar Feb 2019 #203

The person making the accusation won't make further statement. David__77 Feb 2019 #125

Obviously not written by Fairfax. What, no conspiracy theories about Stoney? 58Sunliner Feb 2019 #129

Read her statement issued via her attorneys DeminPennswoods Feb 2019 #138

The kissing was consensual. BlueStater Feb 2019 #142

No, it effing doesn't. 58Sunliner Feb 2019 #143

Honestly, her story is not that credible DeminPennswoods Feb 2019 #147

Thank goodness for clearing that up. EllieBC Feb 2019 #145

Can't we believe them both? califootman Feb 2019 #150

No, we can't. Her description (which may or may not be true) makes... LAS14 Feb 2019 #160

I have read her statement and his statement. califootman Feb 2019 #178

You can't really split a baby in a rape case theboss Feb 2019 #186

Consent. Ah, there's the rub... califootman Feb 2019 #216

Unless you're a psychopath, it's pretty easy to tell when someone wants sex and when they don't. BlueStater Feb 2019 #199

This message was self-deleted by its author olsondr Feb 2019 #149

Post removed Post removed Feb 2019 #207

You should be ashamed obamanut2012 Feb 2019 #222

If Kavenaugh resigns so should Fairfax sellitman Feb 2019 #221