Hospice

[zipplewrath]

48. I understand

I hope you don't feel too bad about the morphine, though. It can help a dying person, who isn't getting enough oxygen, feel less anxious.

I'm sure it can, but in this case it did not. It only amplified the feelings she was already having, and they literally had to physically force it into her mouth. She bit the nurses hand. It was some sort of capsule that had fluid in it that had to be "broken" into her mouth for her to ingest. Her final hours were pretty awful because of the slow failure of the mental functions. Forcing her to change beds, and inducing unnecessary pain, as well as administering medications that only made things worse just exacerbated things.

I can understand if they just weren't able to detect how far along she was, but the whole affair gave the appearance of "boilerplate" care without regard to the individual.

Also, taking her blood pressure was a way of telling the nurse how far along she was.

I'm dubious. She told us nothing after taking it and it had been taken not two hours earlier by the transport nurse. We objected and she explained it was "required for insurance reasons".

And not putting a feeding tube in for your father is pretty normal, even for a Catholic facility.

You're absolutely correct. However, I know my parents, especially my father, which is why I was surprised she didn't consult the Parish Priest with which she had a twenty year relationship.

It sounds like the main problem with hospice for your family wasn't necessarily the care for your parents, but the problems with communicating with the adult children.

You could be right, but I am dubious. There was the constant suggestion that we didn't understand and that we were somehow trying to "hang on" too long or something. And as I said, in the case of my father, there were the definite overtones of coming up with an explanation weeks after the decision was made. They should have easily been able to repeat their discussion with my mother so that we could understand what she had been told. They had no problems doing that when they didn't like the decisions she was making.

Like I say, I suspect our situation both times was pretty much out of the norm for them. None of us were probably "experts" at handling the situation. With dad, if they had suspect how long he would last, they probably never would have admitted him in the first place. And with mom, if the Hospice nurse had been called to the hospital first, a quick discussion with the doctors might have clued her more into exactly how far along she was. The hospital was in a hell fire hurry to get her out, and that may be the root cause of the whole affair.