?- is there a woman here at DU who has not experienced sexual violence?

[laundry_queen]

106. I have experienced it.

Started when I was 11 and the neighbors across the street had a big party when their parents went out of town. There were a bunch of teenage guys. I was walking home and one of the guys grabbed me as I was walking past their yard and started groping me and sticking his hands up my shirt and trying to get down my pants. My neighbor happened to see us and recognized me and kicked the guy's ass while screaming, "She's fucking 11 you moron!" I didn't say anything because he was one of the most popular guys in school, and I couldn't figure out a way to tell my parents...most of the time my parents weren't exactly the type to stand up for me so I didn't even bother going to them.

Started drinking about a year after that and there are so many instances where I ended up at parties where guys thought drunk girl=open invitation. I was mostly 'only' groped and by then had gotten good at getting away (and had a good friend that always stuck up for me and we took care of each other). One guy did force me to 'finish what I started' but at least it wasn't intercourse. And there were several times I was manipulated into agreeing to sex or other things. I was constantly sexually harassed in the workplace.

Then I was date raped about 3 times during a 1 year period starting when I was 18, by guys that played hockey on a team my dad coached. My dad found out about it and did nothing. Blamed me for having a drinking problem (ironic since he's an alcoholic) even though I told him that I was blacking out despite not drinking much (in retrospect I wonder about if I was drugged). Didn't believe me and didn't stick up for me at all.

I ended up in an emotionally abusive relationship with my now-ex husband, but at least there was no sexual violence in that relationship. It was probably the only 'place' where he was respectful.

The very sad part is that until I was in my 20's I didn't think this was 'bad' or 'unusual'. I thought it was normal. Even until recently I didn't realize just how many times it happened and made excuses ("well, I was really drunk, and I must have done something to make him think I was willing...and I knew him since we were 5, he wouldn't do THAT, so it couldn't REALLY be rape...etc&quot .

I have 4 daughters and I hope like hell they don't experience the same things I did. I've made sure to keep the lines of communication open - and my teen knows about these experiences, as I think knowing about it will help her see it CAN happen to anyone and to see the signs - and I let them know I will have their back and believe what they say no matter what.