?- is there a woman here at DU who has not experienced sexual violence?

[davsand]

213. I think that you are correct that most women have experienced some sort of sexual violence.

For some of us it is a matter of which time are you wanting to know about--because it is multiple instances in our lives.

It might have been something like being grabbed or fondled, for some it might have been a violent sexual assault or a date rape. Some experienced it as a child, and for some it may have been multiple incidents over our lifetime with different offenders. In many (if not most) cases there is an element of self doubt present when it comes down to it. There's a question in our own minds of "Did I invite this, somehow?" or "What could I have done differently?" Sometimes it comes down to the feeling that "I was stupid and it was my own fault for getting into that situation." Maybe drugs or booze played a role, maybe it was youth or naivete.

I'm not going to go into a lot of detail on my own life, but I will admit that I have experienced more than one event of sexual violence. I carry that with me as a part of my life experience, and it does color how I view the world. It doesn't define me, but it is always there and always will be. It is inescapable.

I don't feel that I mourn those events for my own sake any more, but I will tell you that I look at my 15 year old daughter, and I worry for her. I just saw her with her (former, I am happy to report) 15 year old boyfriend and his hands were (in my opinion as her mom) entirely too free. While I have faith in her--that she is strong enough to stand on her own--I really worry about the toll it takes on her self esteem that a male who claims to care about her was so uncaring about her preferences and her desires. What kind of message is she getting from that? I've tried to instill the "No means NO" message but even so--will she carry that forward or will she be like a lot of other women that question their own behavior wondering if they somehow provoked things by not being emphatic enough...

I don't think it is only the males we need to educate, if I'm being dead honest. I dunno what the workable answer actually is, but it seems to me that if we have a majority of women that can actually self report violations of differing degrees, there is a systemic or societal issue.


Laura