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ihaveaquestion

(4,644 posts)

19. Sorry, but I'll be blunt...

Reply to cannabis_flower (Original post)

Sun Aug 18, 2019, 05:03 PM

Aug 2019

Fuck him!

You don't have to feel anything for him at all. Tell yourself you are allowed to forget him and then do forget him in that moment. It can work over time to release you from the memory.

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My abuser died today [View all] cannabis_flower Aug 2019 OP

I am sorry for your pain, but you did NOT cause this! ProudLib72 Aug 2019 #1

I know but cannabis_flower Aug 2019 #2

You had/have every right to hate him and wish him ill ProudLib72 Aug 2019 #6

Feeling bad just says you have a good heart and a conscience unlike your cousin. chowder66 Aug 2019 #17

He caused you enough pain. Codeine Aug 2019 #3

You feel conflicted, that is all... because he was your cousin... but your memory of him isn't secondwind Aug 2019 #4

Regardless of any religious dogma, disease is not a punishment, but a medical phenomenon. hlthe2b Aug 2019 #5

You did nothing wrong. Ever. I believe you irisblue Aug 2019 #7

He was bad but the feelings you are having show that he did not damage the goodness in you. I in2herbs Aug 2019 #8

Indifference is OK. Brainfodder Aug 2019 #9

When my abuser died, I only felt release and relief. no_hypocrisy Aug 2019 #10

pancreatic cancer is a very bad way to go. good. EveHammond13 Aug 2019 #11

You'll get through this knowing you handled it right as your reasoning kicked in. blm Aug 2019 #12

Your journey on this is not over yet lunatica Aug 2019 #13

That is a great post. Thank you for writing that. yardwork Aug 2019 #43

. lunatica Aug 2019 #46

I had a similar thing happen long ago jberryhill Aug 2019 #14

Try to feel neutral. It's entirely normal to feel some guilt when someone you might wish dead... TreasonousBastard Aug 2019 #15

Well... cannabis_flower Aug 2019 #41

It's important that you don't feel alone Niagara Aug 2019 #16

You should feel no guilt for wishing anything bad on your abuser WestLosAngelesGal Aug 2019 #18

Sorry, but I'll be blunt... ihaveaquestion Aug 2019 #19

He didn't get pancreatic cancer because you wished it. Aristus Aug 2019 #20

I would say this same to you. Retain no guilt. sprinkleeninow Aug 2019 #51

you have no responsibility to feel anything handmade34 Aug 2019 #21

Maybe you feel like crying out of relief - it's finally over. Vinca Aug 2019 #22

I'm glad you're the one still here! B Stieg Aug 2019 #23

. Guy Whitey Corngood Aug 2019 #24

Good riddance. extvbroadcaster Aug 2019 #25

I was a kid Marthe48 Aug 2019 #26

You survived. You survived. You survived. Hekate Aug 2019 #27

That's a good point to consider. lpbk2713 Aug 2019 #36

At 12 thought I was unique, his only victim. Fast forward 20 years, he laid hands on my daughter Hekate Aug 2019 #39

I'm so sorry for the pain you feel as as a woman.... lapucelle Aug 2019 #28

Please forgive yourself vlyons Aug 2019 #29

It is stunning how cruel children can be SallyHemmings Aug 2019 #30

I'm sorry, I would have wished ill of him too Demonaut Aug 2019 #31

Don't know how to feel? Ligyron Aug 2019 #32

im glad he is dead. he probably assaulted other people also JI7 Aug 2019 #33

He got a cruel disease to match his own cruelty, that's called karma not wishful thinking. Canoe52 Aug 2019 #34

His pain was not a result of anything you did. badhair77 Aug 2019 #35

You DIDN'T cause it. And, pancreatic cancer is one of the worst. So there's that. FailureToCommunicate Aug 2019 #37

Wishing Him Suffering? JGug1 Aug 2019 #38

You were his victim... remember that. Talitha Aug 2019 #40

Your wish that he suffer was understandable. Blue_true Aug 2019 #42

I couldn't possibly cannabis_flower Aug 2019 #52

Thank you for sharing this. marked50 Aug 2019 #44

Please forgive yourself; over and over if you have to. Maraya1969 Aug 2019 #45

Cry if you need to MustLoveBeagles Aug 2019 #47

Very sorry that you went through that. SweetieD Aug 2019 #48

First of all, it's ok to cry.... Sogo Aug 2019 #49

"I have never killed any man, but... sir pball Aug 2019 #50

he sounds like a real asshole orleans Aug 2019 #53

I am sorry shenmue Aug 2019 #54

First of all, I've thought of you a few times today.... VarryOn Aug 2019 #55