Speaking of Thanksgiving ...... [View all]

[H2O Man]

“I remember sitting down to Christmas dinner eighteen years ago in a communal house in Portland, Oregon with about twelve others my own age, all of whom had no place they wished to go home to. This house was my first discovery of harmony and community with fellow beings. This has been the experience of hundreds of thousands of men and women all over America since the end of WW2. Hence the talk about the growth of a 'new society.' “
Gary Snyder; Earth House Hold New Directions Publishing; 1968


I think about this quite a bit during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday season. This year, I've been talking to several good friends who, for a variety of reasons, are experiencing difficult times. In some instances, it is related to interactions (or none) with family members. Others have told me about problems with old friends and neighbors. Sometimes I think that the holiday season is the most difficult for good people.

Earlier today I was remembering a Thanksgiving some thirty years ago. I was a single father with custody of my two young sons, but they were spending Thanksgiving day with their mother. I hadn't thought it would be different than any other day I didn't have the boys. I had thought that I'd find plenty to do. But on that day, I couldn't.

I remember listening to Jimi Hendrix's song, “Burning of the Midnight Lamp,” especially the haunting lyrics, “All my loneliness, I have felt today; it's a little more than enough to make a man throw himself away.” Looking back, of course, I don't feel sorry for myself. But I remember that empty feeling, and of thinking about Paul McCartney's lines about “all the lonely people.”

On a more chipper note, years later my sons hosted Thanksgiving, with their mother and her new husband, their sisters, and I, and we had a great time. But that would be their mother's last Thanksgiving, as she died seven months later. Although he doesn't mention it, I know that both Thanksgiving and Christmas are hard for my sons. The older will be preparing our Thanksgiving meal here, and his brother and his girlfriend will join us. (Her daughters will be at their father's, and her mother hates the holidays and doesn't want to see anyone.)

When I was a kid, the maternal side of the extended family all gathered at my grandparents for a feast on both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Those are some of the very few times in my childhood that I can look back upon with some happiness. But those days are long gone, and while three of my four siblings live but a few miles away, we do not communicate.

I used to enjoy talking to my friend Rubin Carter on Thanksgiving – especially in the years that Marvin Hagler flew in to Canada from Italy to spend the holiday with the Hurricane. Rubin had an interesting take on the curious systems that are known as “family of origin.” I can hear his words now: “You are born into the exact circumstances that you must overcome in life.”

I like Gary Snyder's approach. If you don't have family and friends to hang with today, the internet provides a form of community that we couldn't have dreamed of when I was young. If you are having a good holiday, please think of those who might be alone – even those who are alone in a crowd. Take the time to reach out. And one last thing to keep in mind this holiday season: Trump is being impeached!

Peace,
H2O Man