General Discussion

RobinA

(10,476 posts)

74. OMG, Now You Have Done It

Wed Sep 5, 2012, 03:33 PM

Sep 2012

The request that she smile... I am hyperventilating, I need to punch something, I need a Valium, quick. That used to make me soooo angry. Up until my 30's whenever this happened I would feel bad, like I was doing something wrong. "Oh, gosh, I should be looking happier, I need to smile more." Then some jerk I worked with did it to me in my early 30's and my instant reaction was to feel bad as usual and then all of a sudden my mind went, "I don't owe you a smile m----- f-----." It was an absolute epiphany when it comes to how I felt about these encroachments. ESPECIALLY the smile thing. Do NOT tell me to smile. Now I'm middle-aged so I'm invisible and this doesn't happen. I'm kinda mad, though, that I didn't get REALLY angry while this stuff was still going on.

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

177 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

"... most men, even good caring men, have no clue what we go through on a daily basis..." [View all] redqueen Sep 2012 OP

K&R - nt Ohio Joe Sep 2012 #1

The only error. Tansy_Gold Sep 2012 #2

Beautifully stated. redqueen Sep 2012 #6

Post removed Post removed Sep 2012 #3

not legal in all states, not legal at all, not legal in all states, LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #4

Typical gaspee Sep 2012 #5

Given the current culture of blaming JoeyT Sep 2012 #7

No, a thousand times no. Tansy_Gold Sep 2012 #8

"Polite and accommodating little victim" ???? gollygee Sep 2012 #13

It is unusual to open DU in the morning and see DURHAM D Sep 2012 #15

i see it too much on du anymore. this is why, when we continually point the finger at repugs seabeyond Sep 2012 #20

Is it, really? Posteritatis Sep 2012 #31

I had the same thought. redqueen Sep 2012 #37

No. DURHAM D Sep 2012 #40

This. nt. Starry Messenger Sep 2012 #49

There's a lot of easily accessed exceptionally hateful porn Burma Jones Sep 2012 #9

Many would like to pretend that that stuff isn't very popular, redqueen Sep 2012 #11

Nine comments before someone blamed porn 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #44

1 post in and you dismiss the Op, womens concern, to attack. nt seabeyond Sep 2012 #59

I did nothing of the sort 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #60

Not ALL Porn Burma Jones Sep 2012 #64

There are no real scientific studies linking porn use to violence against women 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #65

This reminds me of the cartoon I posted on DU2 last year. Brickbat Sep 2012 #10

I missed this one the first time around, so thanks for sharing it again. KitSileya Sep 2012 #12

You're welcome. Brickbat Sep 2012 #88

Sad to get a reminder how many longtime DU names I never see anymore... Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #18

That's the damn truth, right there. Brickbat Sep 2012 #89

Thanks. redqueen Sep 2012 #19

It was a frustrating conversation, and it's frustrating to have it over and over again. Brickbat Sep 2012 #90

i re read some of that thread. as i said above, a reminder that misogyny is not party specific. nt seabeyond Sep 2012 #21

Yep. Some of the worst woman-haters I know are self-described progressives. Brickbat Sep 2012 #92

This message was self-deleted by its author seaglass Sep 2012 #14

This is a clear example of Schrødinger's rapist. KitSileya Sep 2012 #16

if any man has a problem with that, they should take it up with other men, not with us! seabeyond Sep 2012 #22

Yeah - I've been reading Captain Awkward these past few weeks. KitSileya Sep 2012 #27

Maybe I'm not... Johnny Noshoes Sep 2012 #177

This: CrispyQ Sep 2012 #68

"What is so hard about this, for men to understand? " Scout Sep 2012 #69

I really, really dislike the Schrodinger's Rapist idea LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #125

You don't think most women think like this, consciously or sub-consciously? KitSileya Sep 2012 #131

I went through it a little after I was raped LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #134

It seems like you're saying bullying is the victim's fault. redqueen Sep 2012 #146

I don't always write well when it's late and I'm tired LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #166

"on a daily basis"? no. HiPointDem Sep 2012 #137

Terrifying story gollygee Sep 2012 #17

books are always going to draw attention Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #25

We're also told not to listen to iPods gollygee Sep 2012 #28

so many rules to not being harrassed, assaulted and raped.... seabeyond Sep 2012 #41

any Apple shit you wear or hold (on public transit) is like painting a big target on your forehead datasuspect Sep 2012 #72

You're kidding. Seriously? LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #87

Yep. Self defense advice often includes a warning not to wear them. redqueen Sep 2012 #96

I think I remember hearing it LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #114

I once asked a regular customer if he was feeling better Solly Mack Sep 2012 #23

that happens on a daily basis? hfojvt Sep 2012 #24

LOL Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #29

If you're nice, you could end up being treated to a view of the man rubbing himself, redqueen Sep 2012 #30

hfojvt does have a point Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #43

maybe if more women and girls were a little more aggressive, more men would no longer feel a right seabeyond Sep 2012 #45

Possibly Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #50

then again, it would be on them. look, women are continually told to speak softy to the male cause seabeyond Sep 2012 #54

excellent points... Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #57

Amen, sea. n/t MadrasT Sep 2012 #58

This! You said it perfectly - we can't win. redqueen Sep 2012 #62

You are so right, seabeyond. KitSileya Sep 2012 #63

perfectly said ... especially the last paragraph. n/t Scout Sep 2012 #85

well for my part hfojvt Sep 2012 #130

"Sometimes hello just means hello" KitSileya Sep 2012 #133

No. The writer seems to be permanently frightened LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #135

I see your argument, KitSileya Sep 2012 #136

12 yr old niece sat quietly, hunched, as a over 40 waiter rubbed his crotch on her pouring her water seabeyond Sep 2012 #138

^What you said LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #165

I recently decided she has the right idea. redqueen Sep 2012 #46

Ironically she wasn't sharp enough to see through "the businessman" Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #53

again, this has nothing to do with the issue. it is not about her. nt seabeyond Sep 2012 #55

and no... you should have told the man to fuck off.... lol as i said seabeyond Sep 2012 #56

can you give us a link? I missed that. nt raccoon Sep 2012 #82

Sent you a PM. nt redqueen Sep 2012 #93

Oh come on! SouthernLiberal Sep 2012 #66

"she can learn to properly read guys??" TED BUNDY had the appearance of a nice, well-spoken guy raccoon Sep 2012 #81

I just thought there was some happy medium Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #86

Honestly, after the umpteenth time, it is understandable that you get so frustrated, KitSileya Sep 2012 #34

Yep, it's just about everywhere. redqueen Sep 2012 #38

Why should women "be nice" to people who are bothering them? n/t MadrasT Sep 2012 #36

Absolutely! KitSileya Sep 2012 #42

How much of a bother is it to have a little conversation? hfojvt Sep 2012 #132

The person being interrupted gets to decide whether it's a bother or not. gkhouston Sep 2012 #139

Yes, this. I have had the same experience. n/t MadrasT Sep 2012 #144

It's not my job to entertain strangers. n/t MadrasT Sep 2012 #141

I don't know, how much bother is having a little conversation? KitSileya Sep 2012 #142

Exactly. MadrasT Sep 2012 #143

None at all, ***IF*** you're interested in having a conversation. redqueen Sep 2012 #149

but is it ridiculous to assume that they could, or should hfojvt Sep 2012 #162

Women are not free therapists, nor mind readers. redqueen Sep 2012 #163

You've had strange men masturbate while talking about your tits in public? 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #173

I don't hfojvt Sep 2012 #175

My daughter is 6'1" and model beautiful... Luminous Animal Sep 2012 #47

OMG, Now You Have Done It RobinA Sep 2012 #74

generally it happened when i was in thought, but regardless, it would always take a moment for it to seabeyond Sep 2012 #77

Will Wheaton is 40 years old? hedgehog Sep 2012 #26

Public transportation in LA sounds simply lovely. Nye Bevan Sep 2012 #32

I Use It Every Day DemocratSinceBirth Sep 2012 #108

K&R. Bookmarking for later. - n/t coalition_unwilling Sep 2012 #33

Rec'd for the content, and for Wheaton, who has a long history of being a better man than most. Bluenorthwest Sep 2012 #35

I can't tell you how many "nice guys" I hear complaining MadrasT Sep 2012 #39

I was in an encounter like that... JHB Sep 2012 #48

It is truly not all that uncommon. redqueen Sep 2012 #51

it is an interesting dilemma it puts all in. i agree, seabeyond Sep 2012 #61

This message was self-deleted by its author Kurska Sep 2012 #52

I'm trying to figure out what my reaction would have been, MineralMan Sep 2012 #67

I'm sure I would have put myself between him and her. dawg Sep 2012 #70

i like listening to you men seabeyond Sep 2012 #71

I wish I knew what the solution was. Heck, I wish I knew what I'd do in that position... but I don't LanternWaste Sep 2012 #73

Raising awareness is the solutuon. redqueen Sep 2012 #75

I do take issue with this bit: 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #76

This message was self-deleted by its author seabeyond Sep 2012 #78

Most men I know won't go up against a group of guys solo either LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #79

Except she didn't say that was what a good person should do 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #80

Yes, the word was carefully chosen to reflect the fact that LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #84

way to totally misinterpret what you quoted. Scout Sep 2012 #83

I didn't misinterpret at all 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #94

Funny enough.... ProudToBeBlueInRhody Sep 2012 #91

Besides having separate trains 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #95

That was one solution used in Japan. redqueen Sep 2012 #98

Given the crowding there 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #112

Funny, when the ultra--Orthodox Jews in NYC want to put hifiguy Sep 2012 #117

I've noticed a few instances when the religious right and the far left 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #119

I'm speaking as an American man... MicaelS Sep 2012 #157

Thank you so much for caring. nt redqueen Sep 2012 #164

A man and a woman are on a train LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #120

I was more referring 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #121

Ah LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #122

Phrasing it a little differently: two men are on a train. gkhouston Sep 2012 #124

Often, unfortunately LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #126

Quite often actually... opiate69 Sep 2012 #127

I've seen that before, quite a bit 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #160

I would say that you're the one not listening. gkhouston Sep 2012 #168

Except that if you were paying attention 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #170

"White knight" in that context is an MRA term. nt redqueen Sep 2012 #97

lol opiate69 Sep 2012 #99

There is one listing in the geek feminism wiki which I've never seen used that way in context. redqueen Sep 2012 #101

might want to expand your reading list a bit... opiate69 Sep 2012 #103

Context helps. redqueen Sep 2012 #104

right.... opiate69 Sep 2012 #106

LMAO redqueen Sep 2012 #107

Well... opiate69 Sep 2012 #109

Oh, I'm sorry.... ProudToBeBlueInRhody Sep 2012 #100

Reading this thread makes me glad I am Asperger's. hifiguy Sep 2012 #115

I've been diagnosed with it, too Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #140

I suck at this too, but here's my advice: dawg Sep 2012 #145

Doesn't sound like you suck at this to me. redqueen Sep 2012 #148

Thanks. dawg Sep 2012 #150

Yeah, that hesitance probably shows... redqueen Sep 2012 #152

"Make eye contact with her. Smile." i was going to suggest this... seabeyond Sep 2012 #151

I know lots of people who seem to treat the opposite sex as "things" not people. dawg Sep 2012 #153

This is so true. MadrasT Sep 2012 #154

Making eye contact and smiling without saying anything 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #155

i was telling you how i, as a woman think and feel. and.... when make eye contact and smile, seabeyond Sep 2012 #156

You're speaking only for yourself but giving advice 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #158

the one bit of advice I would add to dawg's LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #174

Who used the term "quietly creepy"? nt redqueen Sep 2012 #147

This Aspie keeps quiet because I'm terrified of looking like a creepy "nice guy". Odin2005 Sep 2012 #161

Is there anything that isn't a potential MRA code-word? 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #110

Apparently not.. Upton Sep 2012 #111

Rad-fem is an MRA code-word 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #113

No doubt.. Upton Sep 2012 #128

BUZZZ!!!! opiate69 Sep 2012 #129

For some, no there is not. nt hifiguy Sep 2012 #118

Yes, she gets to define her opinion of what a "real man" is. I don't see her gkhouston Sep 2012 #123

If I were to define a "real woman" 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #159

Again, you assume that the promise of violence falls under the umbrella of "nice person gkhouston Sep 2012 #167

The full quote: 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #169

You think she did. I think she didn't. If she'd said, "He is a nice person who offered to beat up gkhouston Sep 2012 #171

My husband relayed a story to me about witnessing a woman getting hit on at a train stop nadine_mn Sep 2012 #102

wHil wHeaton? DonRedwood Sep 2012 #105

Cool wHip. hifiguy Sep 2012 #116

Not sure why some men are seeing this as some kind of contest. It isn't. redqueen Sep 2012 #172

That is mighty FurioG Sep 2012 #176