General Discussion

redqueen

(115,186 posts)

163. Women are not free therapists, nor mind readers.

Thu Sep 6, 2012, 01:33 PM

Sep 2012

We do not know if the man trying to be 'friendly' by intruding into our personal space is a nice person or a weirdo or worse.

You apparently think that by her saying "leave me alone" she was treating him as a "slug".. when in reality she was simply trying to avoid having to deal with yet another harassing male. Or worse. After enough incidents where you treat a strange man as a nice person and end up watching him masturbate while talking about your tits, having him recite his pornographic wish list, etc, you learn to stop assuming.

I don't know why you keep insisting that strange men deserve some kind of benefit of the doubt, but they do not.

Women owe strangers nothing. Being out in public does not obligate us to entertain anyone's advances. Toward conversation, flirting, or anything.

It's too bad that we live in a rape culture, and women have to be on guard all the time in public.

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"... most men, even good caring men, have no clue what we go through on a daily basis..." [View all] redqueen Sep 2012 OP

K&R - nt Ohio Joe Sep 2012 #1

The only error. Tansy_Gold Sep 2012 #2

Beautifully stated. redqueen Sep 2012 #6

Post removed Post removed Sep 2012 #3

not legal in all states, not legal at all, not legal in all states, LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #4

Typical gaspee Sep 2012 #5

Given the current culture of blaming JoeyT Sep 2012 #7

No, a thousand times no. Tansy_Gold Sep 2012 #8

"Polite and accommodating little victim" ???? gollygee Sep 2012 #13

It is unusual to open DU in the morning and see DURHAM D Sep 2012 #15

i see it too much on du anymore. this is why, when we continually point the finger at repugs seabeyond Sep 2012 #20

Is it, really? Posteritatis Sep 2012 #31

I had the same thought. redqueen Sep 2012 #37

No. DURHAM D Sep 2012 #40

This. nt. Starry Messenger Sep 2012 #49

There's a lot of easily accessed exceptionally hateful porn Burma Jones Sep 2012 #9

Many would like to pretend that that stuff isn't very popular, redqueen Sep 2012 #11

Nine comments before someone blamed porn 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #44

1 post in and you dismiss the Op, womens concern, to attack. nt seabeyond Sep 2012 #59

I did nothing of the sort 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #60

Not ALL Porn Burma Jones Sep 2012 #64

There are no real scientific studies linking porn use to violence against women 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #65

This reminds me of the cartoon I posted on DU2 last year. Brickbat Sep 2012 #10

I missed this one the first time around, so thanks for sharing it again. KitSileya Sep 2012 #12

You're welcome. Brickbat Sep 2012 #88

Sad to get a reminder how many longtime DU names I never see anymore... Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #18

That's the damn truth, right there. Brickbat Sep 2012 #89

Thanks. redqueen Sep 2012 #19

It was a frustrating conversation, and it's frustrating to have it over and over again. Brickbat Sep 2012 #90

i re read some of that thread. as i said above, a reminder that misogyny is not party specific. nt seabeyond Sep 2012 #21

Yep. Some of the worst woman-haters I know are self-described progressives. Brickbat Sep 2012 #92

This message was self-deleted by its author seaglass Sep 2012 #14

This is a clear example of Schr�dinger's rapist. KitSileya Sep 2012 #16

if any man has a problem with that, they should take it up with other men, not with us! seabeyond Sep 2012 #22

Yeah - I've been reading Captain Awkward these past few weeks. KitSileya Sep 2012 #27

Maybe I'm not... Johnny Noshoes Sep 2012 #177

This: CrispyQ Sep 2012 #68

"What is so hard about this, for men to understand? " Scout Sep 2012 #69

I really, really dislike the Schrodinger's Rapist idea LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #125

You don't think most women think like this, consciously or sub-consciously? KitSileya Sep 2012 #131

I went through it a little after I was raped LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #134

It seems like you're saying bullying is the victim's fault. redqueen Sep 2012 #146

I don't always write well when it's late and I'm tired LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #166

"on a daily basis"? no. HiPointDem Sep 2012 #137

Terrifying story gollygee Sep 2012 #17

books are always going to draw attention Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #25

We're also told not to listen to iPods gollygee Sep 2012 #28

so many rules to not being harrassed, assaulted and raped.... seabeyond Sep 2012 #41

any Apple shit you wear or hold (on public transit) is like painting a big target on your forehead datasuspect Sep 2012 #72

You're kidding. Seriously? LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #87

Yep. Self defense advice often includes a warning not to wear them. redqueen Sep 2012 #96

I think I remember hearing it LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #114

I once asked a regular customer if he was feeling better Solly Mack Sep 2012 #23

that happens on a daily basis? hfojvt Sep 2012 #24

LOL Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #29

If you're nice, you could end up being treated to a view of the man rubbing himself, redqueen Sep 2012 #30

hfojvt does have a point Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #43

maybe if more women and girls were a little more aggressive, more men would no longer feel a right seabeyond Sep 2012 #45

Possibly Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #50

then again, it would be on them. look, women are continually told to speak softy to the male cause seabeyond Sep 2012 #54

excellent points... Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #57

Amen, sea. n/t MadrasT Sep 2012 #58

This! You said it perfectly - we can't win. redqueen Sep 2012 #62

You are so right, seabeyond. KitSileya Sep 2012 #63

perfectly said ... especially the last paragraph. n/t Scout Sep 2012 #85

well for my part hfojvt Sep 2012 #130

"Sometimes hello just means hello" KitSileya Sep 2012 #133

No. The writer seems to be permanently frightened LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #135

I see your argument, KitSileya Sep 2012 #136

12 yr old niece sat quietly, hunched, as a over 40 waiter rubbed his crotch on her pouring her water seabeyond Sep 2012 #138

^What you said LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #165

I recently decided she has the right idea. redqueen Sep 2012 #46

Ironically she wasn't sharp enough to see through "the businessman" Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #53

again, this has nothing to do with the issue. it is not about her. nt seabeyond Sep 2012 #55

and no... you should have told the man to fuck off.... lol as i said seabeyond Sep 2012 #56

can you give us a link? I missed that. nt raccoon Sep 2012 #82

Sent you a PM. nt redqueen Sep 2012 #93

Oh come on! SouthernLiberal Sep 2012 #66

"she can learn to properly read guys??" TED BUNDY had the appearance of a nice, well-spoken guy raccoon Sep 2012 #81

I just thought there was some happy medium Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #86

Honestly, after the umpteenth time, it is understandable that you get so frustrated, KitSileya Sep 2012 #34

Yep, it's just about everywhere. redqueen Sep 2012 #38

Why should women "be nice" to people who are bothering them? n/t MadrasT Sep 2012 #36

Absolutely! KitSileya Sep 2012 #42

How much of a bother is it to have a little conversation? hfojvt Sep 2012 #132

The person being interrupted gets to decide whether it's a bother or not. gkhouston Sep 2012 #139

Yes, this. I have had the same experience. n/t MadrasT Sep 2012 #144

It's not my job to entertain strangers. n/t MadrasT Sep 2012 #141

I don't know, how much bother is having a little conversation? KitSileya Sep 2012 #142

Exactly. MadrasT Sep 2012 #143

None at all, ***IF*** you're interested in having a conversation. redqueen Sep 2012 #149

but is it ridiculous to assume that they could, or should hfojvt Sep 2012 #162

Women are not free therapists, nor mind readers. redqueen Sep 2012 #163

You've had strange men masturbate while talking about your tits in public? 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #173

I don't hfojvt Sep 2012 #175

My daughter is 6'1" and model beautiful... Luminous Animal Sep 2012 #47

OMG, Now You Have Done It RobinA Sep 2012 #74

generally it happened when i was in thought, but regardless, it would always take a moment for it to seabeyond Sep 2012 #77

Will Wheaton is 40 years old? hedgehog Sep 2012 #26

Public transportation in LA sounds simply lovely. Nye Bevan Sep 2012 #32

I Use It Every Day DemocratSinceBirth Sep 2012 #108

K&R. Bookmarking for later. - n/t coalition_unwilling Sep 2012 #33

Rec'd for the content, and for Wheaton, who has a long history of being a better man than most. Bluenorthwest Sep 2012 #35

I can't tell you how many "nice guys" I hear complaining MadrasT Sep 2012 #39

I was in an encounter like that... JHB Sep 2012 #48

It is truly not all that uncommon. redqueen Sep 2012 #51

it is an interesting dilemma it puts all in. i agree, seabeyond Sep 2012 #61

This message was self-deleted by its author Kurska Sep 2012 #52

I'm trying to figure out what my reaction would have been, MineralMan Sep 2012 #67

I'm sure I would have put myself between him and her. dawg Sep 2012 #70

i like listening to you men seabeyond Sep 2012 #71

I wish I knew what the solution was. Heck, I wish I knew what I'd do in that position... but I don't LanternWaste Sep 2012 #73

Raising awareness is the solutuon. redqueen Sep 2012 #75

I do take issue with this bit: 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #76

This message was self-deleted by its author seabeyond Sep 2012 #78

Most men I know won't go up against a group of guys solo either LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #79

Except she didn't say that was what a good person should do 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #80

Yes, the word was carefully chosen to reflect the fact that LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #84

way to totally misinterpret what you quoted. Scout Sep 2012 #83

I didn't misinterpret at all 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #94

Funny enough.... ProudToBeBlueInRhody Sep 2012 #91

Besides having separate trains 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #95

That was one solution used in Japan. redqueen Sep 2012 #98

Given the crowding there 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #112

Funny, when the ultra--Orthodox Jews in NYC want to put hifiguy Sep 2012 #117

I've noticed a few instances when the religious right and the far left 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #119

I'm speaking as an American man... MicaelS Sep 2012 #157

Thank you so much for caring. nt redqueen Sep 2012 #164

A man and a woman are on a train LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #120

I was more referring 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #121

Ah LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #122

Phrasing it a little differently: two men are on a train. gkhouston Sep 2012 #124

Often, unfortunately LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #126

Quite often actually... opiate69 Sep 2012 #127

I've seen that before, quite a bit 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #160

I would say that you're the one not listening. gkhouston Sep 2012 #168

Except that if you were paying attention 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #170

"White knight" in that context is an MRA term. nt redqueen Sep 2012 #97

lol opiate69 Sep 2012 #99

There is one listing in the geek feminism wiki which I've never seen used that way in context. redqueen Sep 2012 #101

might want to expand your reading list a bit... opiate69 Sep 2012 #103

Context helps. redqueen Sep 2012 #104

right.... opiate69 Sep 2012 #106

LMAO redqueen Sep 2012 #107

Well... opiate69 Sep 2012 #109

Oh, I'm sorry.... ProudToBeBlueInRhody Sep 2012 #100

Reading this thread makes me glad I am Asperger's. hifiguy Sep 2012 #115

I've been diagnosed with it, too Blue_Tires Sep 2012 #140

I suck at this too, but here's my advice: dawg Sep 2012 #145

Doesn't sound like you suck at this to me. redqueen Sep 2012 #148

Thanks. dawg Sep 2012 #150

Yeah, that hesitance probably shows... redqueen Sep 2012 #152

"Make eye contact with her. Smile." i was going to suggest this... seabeyond Sep 2012 #151

I know lots of people who seem to treat the opposite sex as "things" not people. dawg Sep 2012 #153

This is so true. MadrasT Sep 2012 #154

Making eye contact and smiling without saying anything 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #155

i was telling you how i, as a woman think and feel. and.... when make eye contact and smile, seabeyond Sep 2012 #156

You're speaking only for yourself but giving advice 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #158

the one bit of advice I would add to dawg's LadyHawkAZ Sep 2012 #174

Who used the term "quietly creepy"? nt redqueen Sep 2012 #147

This Aspie keeps quiet because I'm terrified of looking like a creepy "nice guy". Odin2005 Sep 2012 #161

Is there anything that isn't a potential MRA code-word? 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #110

Apparently not.. Upton Sep 2012 #111

Rad-fem is an MRA code-word 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #113

No doubt.. Upton Sep 2012 #128

BUZZZ!!!! opiate69 Sep 2012 #129

For some, no there is not. nt hifiguy Sep 2012 #118

Yes, she gets to define her opinion of what a "real man" is. I don't see her gkhouston Sep 2012 #123

If I were to define a "real woman" 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #159

Again, you assume that the promise of violence falls under the umbrella of "nice person gkhouston Sep 2012 #167

The full quote: 4th law of robotics Sep 2012 #169

You think she did. I think she didn't. If she'd said, "He is a nice person who offered to beat up gkhouston Sep 2012 #171

My husband relayed a story to me about witnessing a woman getting hit on at a train stop nadine_mn Sep 2012 #102

wHil wHeaton? DonRedwood Sep 2012 #105

Cool wHip. hifiguy Sep 2012 #116

Not sure why some men are seeing this as some kind of contest. It isn't. redqueen Sep 2012 #172

That is mighty FurioG Sep 2012 #176