I wonder if I am on a list.

[Collimator]

11. My BFF was applying for secondary citizenship in her husband's country.

She had no intention of giving up her American citizenship, but she wanted to be able to vote in elections that affected the community where she lived.

She informed me that when an American requests citizenship in another country, the FBI creates a file on that person as standard operating procedure.

Well, my BFF really, really, despised George W. I should also mention that she has a Muslim husband, who is such a rabid, patriarchal zealot that he didn't care when she didn't take his last name.

My friend and I often speak long distance across the ocean. During the time when the Patriot Act was pushed through and being used to violate all sorts of Constitutional rights, we often wondered if our own conversations were being recorded.

She wasn't that worried about how her life might be impacted, because she lived abroad. But we wondered if I would come under special scrutiny because of our phone calls and if there was any possibility that they might search my home in my absence and in the absence of a proper search warrant.

In response to that concern, I said that I wouldn't mind if they searched my house as long as they cleaned the place in the process. We laughed ourselves silly as I announced to any government agencies that might be listening: "All the secret information is in the dust collecting in the carpet."

I would make the World's Worst Spy, as I am already the World's Worst Housekeeper.