My Veterans benefits, I thought, until today, were from a grateful nation.

[pinboy3niner]

59. Regarding families...

I had the privilege of meeting many Gold Star families when I worked at the Wall in D.C. That was a bittersweet experience.

But what doesn't get enough attention is the children. People come out and express condolences to the the parents of KIAs, but they have no idea what to say to the children. And even in their families, the children can be left out.

At the Wall one day, I found a woman collapsed in front of, what I learned, was her big brother's panel. She told me she couldn't understand how her brother had become a psycho killer.

When I asked what she meant, she handed me a sheaf of documents--including her brother's Silver Star citation.

I had to explain to her that her brother died taking out the enemy positions that were putting out the fire that was killing his friends. Incredibly, she had never understood that.

The woman lived very close to where I grew up, and when I moved back into the area, she was the first one I contacted. When I visited her home, where she still lived with her mother, I asked to see a picture of her brother. She had to go into another room and pull it out of a drawer.

I could be wrong, but it struck me that my friend's ignorance and misunderstanding about what happened to her brother stemmed from her mother's psychological reaction to the loss of her son.

In any case, after our first meeting at the Wall her attitude totally changed--and I think she was proud of her brother for the first time.