Not sure if I can fight one more day.

[DebJ]

4. I feel this way often. Too much calamity going on in the family

beyond anyone's choice or control. Some days when I feel this way, I think well at least that makes
death look not so bad........at least a woman could get some REST!!!

I exploded this afternoon because my son and husband have been freaking out (over very real and very unfair issues
regarding their health and their employment)...and have felt squeezed to death trying to assist them with both the
emotional and the financial ramifications (using my head only; I have no friggin job or income now myself).
The problem is, it has been non-stop, from my son all day and my husband all night and all weekend, incredibly
high stress, and my husband gets all needy and wants me to do an extra zillion things for him that he should be
doing himself. After the two of them put me through the wringer, I need time to calm down and just vegetate, try
to get happy / optimistic / relaxed for my own health and sanity...by the time I do, it starts all over again.

I already went through 20 years of raising two children on my own, one with Bipolar disorder, having to work two
jobs or one horrible management job for 70 hours a week, for two f'g decades, just to end up with the grand achievement
at age 48 of making it all the way up to a zero asset balance (versus negative).

Now the tanked economy is crashing the do-over I began at age 48; husband will die of the chronic kidney disease he was
just diagnosed with; he can't retire early we can't afford it but looks like he will have to do so anyway.....my son is freaking because
there have been three murders on his block in just a few weeks; his neighborhood isn't safe but he is stuck there; I worry about my baby. I worry will we be homeless in a very short time; will we have health care or will my husband die due to lack of it.........

At least with death, there will be peace.
Yep, feel that way many days.
I used to say inside myself, Stop the world I want to get off. Now I'm too down to care if it spins or not. Seems irrelevant.