Not sure if I can fight one more day.

[Caretha]

22. Hi SmileyRose

I'm just another anyomous poster here on DU, but your OP made me want to help you somehow. I hope these words will in someway.

First, you are not a "cold hearted bitch" to leave someone who is in ill health and is abusive. You are a human being, an individual and your well being in life is up to you and you alone. Truly, even if you are with a loving supportive partner, even they can't say what is right and good for you.

Just as your husband has made his choices on how to live, you too have to make those same choices in regard to yourself. Only you can make those decisions - and you must for no one else can or will. I've learned that in the long run, no one can take better care of you than you. That it is not only true, but it is a duty one has to oneself....be as kind and loving to you as you would to a child, an animal, a good neighbor, a friend, a parent, a lover.....you need to be all those things to yourself and more. It is called self love, and it is how we survive. How well we love ourselves, depends on 'well' we will survive.

Don't think for one moment you can't finacially survive by yourself, since you are physically able to still work. Think outside the box - examine all your needs and explore all options. Have a plan and execute it. Each day new opportunities that you never knew existed will come to you. The universe abhors a vacuum and will fill in all the necessary holes.

Think of yourself as if you were your own child. Would you want your child to be in your situation, and what would you suggest or council them to do?

One more thought.....if you continue to live in a life that seems hell to you, you will eventually become ill. Probably sooner than later. Who then will take care of you?

Sending good thoughts to you via our "karmic universe",

Caretha