General Discussion

ARPad95

(1,672 posts)

22. You're welcome! The alarm bell went off when you made this excuse for them...

Mon Jan 4, 2021, 09:42 AM

Jan 2021

Their folks- my inlaws- have always tried to "help" them, but it feels like they have always set them up for failure: "If you jump through THIS hoop, then we will do this..." type of help.

Just letting you know I saw the martyr syndrome (which all of us with a heart can be afflicted with) come through in that statement. As much as we want or feel we need to be the rescuer in these family dramas, the odds are that you'll end up needing to be saved from the stress and turmoil. It will not be worth it for you to compromise your own health and sanity.

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

68 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

OK, DUers- I need advice, and this is not a political post [View all] essme Jan 2021 OP

Al-anon, yes! roody Jan 2021 #1

There is also a Narcotics Anonymous for drug addiction. tblue37 Jan 2021 #28

Al anon has been a life saver for my sister. redstatebluegirl Jan 2021 #2

That's what we are so afraid of essme Jan 2021 #3

Start with al anon for you they need to finish treatment. I personally would not let them move in lunasun Jan 2021 #13

My nephew was a sweet sweet young man before redstatebluegirl Jan 2021 #17

"Make sure that there isn't anything to steal" Horse with no Name Jan 2021 #39

What do they want in terms of help janterry Jan 2021 #4

They are in a methadone clinic essme Jan 2021 #7

also, a bit of a piggyback on what others are suggesting janterry Jan 2021 #14

I don't know essme Jan 2021 #21

Good advice! I also replied downthread and included the Alanon website link in my post: Rhiannon12866 Jan 2021 #67

I think Al-anon and some family therapy for you & your Husband KarenS Jan 2021 #5

Thank you essme Jan 2021 #11

Do NOT allow them to move in with you. You are not qualified to take on this very complex mental ARPad95 Jan 2021 #6

Thank you- and you are correct, we are not qualified essme Jan 2021 #8

You're welcome! The alarm bell went off when you made this excuse for them... ARPad95 Jan 2021 #22

Thank you! essme Jan 2021 #30

I think learning about the Karpman Drama Triangle may be very beneficial for you & your husband. ARPad95 Jan 2021 #58

This is excellent! forthemiddle Jan 2021 #61

I second the warning... handmade34 Jan 2021 #26

Our beloved addict transitioned to a group home that was staffed OhNo-Really Jan 2021 #9

Thank you essme Jan 2021 #15

You're welcome. I know well the stomach stress of loving an addict. OhNo-Really Jan 2021 #54

Oh my, I'm so sorry. Joinfortmill Jan 2021 #10

Oh my, I'm so sorry. Joinfortmill Jan 2021 #12

Do NOT allow them to move in with you! SheltieLover Jan 2021 #16

I strongly second this. Much as you want to help them. this will just make your life unlivable. Squinch Jan 2021 #35

The chaos & legal ramifications are endless! SheltieLover Jan 2021 #40

Be careful and keep your distance 4Q2u2 Jan 2021 #18

all i can say is- i feel ya. dealing w my son. mopinko Jan 2021 #19

NO POWER OF ATTORNEY! SheltieLover Jan 2021 #42

ah. good point. mopinko Jan 2021 #44

Not unless they are intellectually incapacitated SheltieLover Jan 2021 #47

well, they sound mentally incapacitated to me. mopinko Jan 2021 #49

I'm not a lawyer either, but have facilitated a lot of conference calls SheltieLover Jan 2021 #51

yup. mopinko Jan 2021 #52

So sorry to hear this, Mo! SheltieLover Jan 2021 #63

While I agree about not taking on the moonscape Jan 2021 #62

I've been doing SMART Recovery meetings for a couple years. bif Jan 2021 #20

Good for you, Bif! SheltieLover Jan 2021 #48

It hurts to hear this but... Jirel Jan 2021 #23

Do they have resources to go to a sober living program? If they don't perhaps Salvation Army or some tulipsandroses Jan 2021 #24

Do not advise you to let them move in with you. They are in their 40's. judesedit Jan 2021 #25

I want to thank everyone that has answered this post essme Jan 2021 #27

Alanon is a start dclarston13 Jan 2021 #29

There are many short books you might read to help orient yourselves before you act. BComplex Jan 2021 #31

Thank you for the book title- I am going to download it on my kindle essme Jan 2021 #34

First, establish boundaries. Addiction affects the family, and addicts care first for their fix ismnotwasm Jan 2021 #32

Al-anon is good. It helped my family members. 58Sunliner Jan 2021 #33

Just the fact that you are wondering if they should move in tells me you should DEFINITELY go to Squinch Jan 2021 #36

You may want to mouse around in this area of the boards... Wounded Bear Jan 2021 #37

21 years on board of a halfway house gibraltar72 Jan 2021 #38

"Keeping your self healthy and safe allows you to do a better job helping others" lostnfound Jan 2021 #41

Methadone treatment is a long-term one SheltieLover Jan 2021 #43

I've been on Suboxone and methadone Turin_C3PO Jan 2021 #46

I don't have much advice Turin_C3PO Jan 2021 #45

Do not under any circumstances allow them to Phoenix61 Jan 2021 #50

Addiction: They've become "your problem" already. VOX Jan 2021 #53

As has been said already, do NOT let them into your home. DO NOT!!!! Stinky The Clown Jan 2021 #55

Absolutley yes, Al Anon for you. Immediately! Amaryllis Jan 2021 #56

For The Love Of God RobinA Jan 2021 #57

Check into sober living. Cbus Girl Jan 2021 #59

DO NOT Move Them In! Things will come up missing, fighting, possible robberies, eviction issues. TheBlackAdder Jan 2021 #60

I want to thank everyone again that answered this post essme Jan 2021 #64

You've gotten some good advice here and I also recommend Alanon Rhiannon12866 Jan 2021 #65

They lost me after the mysteriously burned down trailer ecstatic Jan 2021 #66

I wouldn't let them move in. EndlessWire Jan 2021 #68