OK, DUers- I need advice, and this is not a political post

[EndlessWire]

68. I wouldn't let them move in.

They could destroy your marriage. Your home will become all about them and their addiction.

I speak from experience. If you want to support them with your salary forever while they party at your expense, just let them move in. Soon you'll have unsavory visitors, and maybe cops in your doorway. When you can't find one of your possessions, you'll know what happened, yet no amount of pleading with them will get them to stop.

If you let them move in, it's both of them and their addiction as a separate guest. You will not be strong enough to beat it back by yourself, and they will not be helping you in your fight for their sobriety. Why should they when they have a free ride? They are experts at manipulation and you will be their pawn. You just can't do it.

Your tender heart is what they depend on to support their habits. It is possible to love them but refuse to let them take you under with them. You are not required to give up your own life just because they messed up theirs. There's not a soul on the planet that would blame you for picking your own hearth and home over them.

You are not infallible. If you do not establish boundaries with them and their addiction, they will destroy any semblance of peace you ever had. Already you are experiencing distress. It will get so much worse.

There is also the fact that they will store drugs in your home and attract cops to your door. Also, you may not be able to evict them (when you finally have your fill of it all) just by telling them to leave. Here in California, after they stay for three days, they become tenants and you have to go to court to evict them. Let them move their clothing in, and you are screwed.

It's hard. Every relative that tried to live with an addict knows how impossible it is, and you will be no different. Spend your money helping them get housing in some other way, but don't let them move in. You will be sorry if you do, and you'll wonder why they don't love you back enough to quit their habit. They won't care about your sacrifice, and this is not a contract you have between you and G-d. You do not have to do this to prove you love them.

I've seen skin-popping heroin addicts with huge chunks of their arms gone walk out of care, and had their relatives beg me to keep them just a little longer, when you just can't do that to help them out. You know who can do that? Cops, the courts, and jail.