Tuberville Suggests Delaying Inauguration

[jmowreader]

32. I don't know if I ever told you this...

...but it seems that when Tommy Tuberville was in school, he wasn't the brightest bulb on the tree. In fact, it got so bad that his teacher called the coach in one day.

"Coach, I'm benching Tuberville for academics."

"Now why the hell would you do that?" asked the coach.

"It's because he's the dumbest bastard in the whole county. He can't spell. He can't do math. He can barely read. Shit, coach, yesterday I gave out a quiz and there was a line at the top of it to put your name. He asked me what his name was. I'm on the verge of sending him back to the first grade."

"Now come on, Mr. Jones, it ain't his fault he can't spell. You keep on giving him those hard words with silent letters and stuff."

"What the hell are you talking about, coach? He can't fucking spell 'coffee.'"

"Ah, yeah he can. No one's that stupid."

"Are you sure? I tell you what: Send Tuberville in here and have him spell 'coffee.' If he gets one letter right, I'll let him play this weekend."

So the coach goes out in the hall where Tuberville is sitting. "Son, I made a deal with your teacher. You go in there and you stand up straight and proud and you spell 'coffee.' And if you get even one little letter right, you get to play this weekend. So get in there and do it for the team!"

In goes Tuberville. He stands up straight and proud in front of his teacher and says, in a loud voice, "Coffee. K-A-U-P-H-Y. Coffee."