My sister died of Covid this morning.

[Moostache]

84. Once more, I am broken by another person having to join this unholy fraternity of misery and loss...

My mother was taken in November, and my father is lost without her after 54 years of marriage, after raising my brother, sister and myself through 9 grandchildren from age 6 to 23 - to have their planned retirement struck down and stolen when they should have been enjoying the twilight years together and with the family. Mom was the center of our family, the glue that held it all together and since we lost her I have a sucking chest wound that could not seem to heal or lessen because we have yet to be able to adequately grieve the loss or comfort each other in person.

The hideous nature of what you are going through; and what so many millions of Americans - the loved ones of the 400,000 plus we have collectively lost - are going through as well, is truly heart breaking. I pray that you find peace and support and purpose in this time of strife and loss and betrayal by our own government and leadership. My anger has shifted a bit today, my burden and loss remain too heavy to bear at times, but today I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel and am not afraid it is simply an oncoming train. I rejoice at new leadership, new empathy and a caring soul in the Oval Office at long last.

May the memories of your lost sister find you, and embrace you in those moments when you are alone. Recently, I have repaired a night-light that my mother had brought to my home to use in the poorly lit basement hallway from our guest room to the bathroom. She is with me in that light now...I feel her presence and I am not ashamed to admit that this avowed atheist and non-believer talks to his lost mother through that light. It has brought peace and comfort to me and I don't care if its all in my head or real or somewhere in between....simply does not matter. I have gone through the anger and rage and hate that nearly burned me out - especially towards that monster that is now gone. I'll never get that final vigil and goodbye with mom, it will haunt me the rest of my days, but having found mom in that silly little night light, and talking to her and feeling her loving presence one last time, things are bearable now, my soul feels less ripped and torn, less hate and more of a deep breathe. Mom's memory tells me "not like this Bubba...not like this...get up, keep going, I love you!" And so tomorrow is again a new day...

May you find (or already have) your own night light with all speed.