I'm going to make the Covid / Flu comparison...

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

65. Thank you.

He chose to take his life, a bit over four years ago. He'd been dealing with depression that most of us had no clue about. He had many friends, and it was astonishing how many honestly thought they were his very best friend ever. That's the kind of person he was.

He had lived in Portland, OR, the last seven years of his life. His friends there held a wonderful, joyous, celebration of his life about ten days after it ended. I was totally touched by their love for him.

I will miss him forever, of course. In an odd way, I feel as if losing him to suicide is easier than if he'd been murdered, or had been in some kind of terrible accident, because his leaving was clearly his own choice. I hope that doesn't sound weird. I wish he had not done so, but it's what happened. The night before he took his life he called me, and we talked on the phone for well over an hour, much longer than most of our calls were. He brought up lots of things, including his earlier relationships with earlier loves. I realized much later that he was saying goodbye to me, without actually saying that. I wish I could have said something that would have made him stay, but that was not possible. Here's the good thing: our final words to each other were, "I love you." Many years ago my mother, who died in 1999, started ending phone calls by saying, "Love you." It was weird at the time, as my family wasn't all all demonstrative or vocal about such things. But after a while we got used to it, and to this day I regularly end phone calls with, "Love you." So if I say that to you, please don't think I'm weird or demented. It's just that I do love you.

My other son is just fine. He's in a PhD program in astronomy at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va, just outside of Washington, DC. In fact. GMU is one of my old alma maters.

I was 50 when my mother died. I cannot begin to imagine how different life would be to lose my mother at a very young age, as you did. You grew up in an entirely different world.

I am one of six children. My older sister died a few months before my son, and a younger brother died in December. We are all getting older (duh!) and currently range in age from 78 to 67. Oh, dear lord, when I actually type out those numbers I'm astonished at how old we all are.

I am old enough, 72, that I spend a lot of time these days thinking about life and death and how long I might have. I honestly expect that at some point in the foreseeable future I will be in independent/assisted living and I'm more than okay with that. I've seen too many older people who totally resist that option long past the time when they should have moved into such. Recently my 77 year old sister in law had a car accident that resulted in her losing her license. Her husband, my brother, is blind and cannot drive. They live in a suburban area outside of Washington DC and honestly, should have several years ago moved into independent/assisted living. I do hope they give it serious thought at this point.

Thank you so much for your post. Oh, and I love you.