General Discussion

plimsoll

(1,690 posts)

20. I don't think most people get the situation.

Mon Oct 25, 2021, 10:02 AM

Oct 2021

My mom was smart enough to protect herself financially before things went too far, but that had it's own consequences. I'd get asked by people from our home town why I didn't do anything, and what can you tell them "I can't do anything because she hasn't been declared incompetent." Once we where past that hurdle the abuse started, initially just verbal and eventually physical, fortunately it was only directed at me and she could afford a caretaker. You have my sympathy, but I'm well aware of the real world value of that.

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Psychologist shares beautiful advice for talking to people with dementia [View all] NurseJackie Oct 2021 OP

Hearing the same stories over and over. Like music. I like that Walleye Oct 2021 #1

At first I tried to orient my dad to what day it was or what was going on in the world blueinredohio Oct 2021 #2

I've been BeerBarrelPolka Oct 2021 #3

That's a heavy burden. Sorry you're going through that. NurseJackie Oct 2021 #4

Thank You BeerBarrelPolka Oct 2021 #5

Please accept a virtual hug and support in your extremely difficult situation. Many here niyad Oct 2021 #12

This means a lot BeerBarrelPolka Oct 2021 #14

I don't think most people get the situation. plimsoll Oct 2021 #20

I appreciate it BeerBarrelPolka Oct 2021 #21

I'm sorry you've got this going on. MontanaMama Oct 2021 #36

Thank you BeerBarrelPolka Oct 2021 #38

I feel for you KT2000 Oct 2021 #58

Thanks Very Much BeerBarrelPolka Oct 2021 #59

This is so hard to read... I can't imagine what it's like to live it renate Oct 2021 #64

Thank You Renate BeerBarrelPolka Oct 2021 #66

It takes a lot of courage. And in the end, we never know what we're capable of doing... NurseJackie Oct 2021 #73

You're BeerBarrelPolka Oct 2021 #76

I know you've already looked into all the resources available, so I hate to ask renate Oct 2021 #82

Thanks BeerBarrelPolka Oct 2021 #83

You're a sweetheart! renate Oct 2021 #95

Update BeerBarrelPolka Oct 2021 #103

That's absolutely terrible news renate Oct 2021 #104

Yes BeerBarrelPolka Nov 2021 #105

Very big virtual hugs and sympathy GeoWilliam750 Oct 2021 #74

Awesome BeerBarrelPolka Oct 2021 #77

All my sympathy, BeerBarrelPolka. calimary Oct 2021 #87

I just posted about this on the cilla4progress Oct 2021 #92

Thank You BeerBarrelPolka Oct 2021 #98

Will hold you in cilla4progress Oct 2021 #93

Thank you BeerBarrelPolka Oct 2021 #99

Good post, NJ. brer cat Oct 2021 #6

I hope everyone agrees. NurseJackie Oct 2021 #7

My hubby experiences tragic news events over and over. SleeplessinSoCal Oct 2021 #70

I can relate. Tracer Oct 2021 #8

It is tricky BeerBarrelPolka Oct 2021 #9

At one time we'd tell her the truth... and she'd grieve all over again. NurseJackie Oct 2021 #10

I BeerBarrelPolka Oct 2021 #11

Thanks. She's 100% bedridden and recently transitioned to hospice care. NurseJackie Oct 2021 #13

Understood BeerBarrelPolka Oct 2021 #15

I heard a fascinating TED talk on memory Random Boomer Oct 2021 #24

That's good to know. NurseJackie Oct 2021 #39

Yes, I heard this analogy nearly 20 years ago and moonscape Oct 2021 #54

"His parents are alive to him" LastDemocratInSC Oct 2021 #16

Wow. Thank you so much for sharing that. NurseJackie Oct 2021 #18

Thank you for that story. LittleGirl Oct 2021 #31

:) Tears also. What a lovely gift for you both. Hortensis Oct 2021 #55

This is a very moving story...thank you BunnyMcGee Oct 2021 #97

Meet the people where they are mcar Oct 2021 #17

When my mother-in-law had Alzheimers Wicked Blue Oct 2021 #19

The old stories are the best... NurseJackie Oct 2021 #84

As an almost 20 year Hospice companion, I have found that if you focus on the past... 40RatRod Oct 2021 #22

Yes that is so with my mother. Captain Zero Oct 2021 #26

I finally learned Rebl2 Oct 2021 #23

I remember one visit (she was already in skilled-care) my sister told me... NurseJackie Oct 2021 #27

A friend of mine does this with her wnylib Oct 2021 #25

My mother had Alzheimer's Jarqui Oct 2021 #28

Thank you for posting this extremely valuable information. I have been saying similar, niyad Oct 2021 #29

Good advice. My father spent his last few years in a nursing home, and towards the end he was Dial H For Hero Oct 2021 #30

I found it effective to never mention that something had been said before or repeated bigtree Oct 2021 #32

Absolutely!!! You'll make them "afraid" to speak or self conscious... NurseJackie Oct 2021 #37

thanks for the thread bigtree Oct 2021 #44

Wow! Fun... funny... and sad. That's a great story! Thank you! NurseJackie Oct 2021 #80

My mother suffered from dementia for her last 10 years. Although it was difficult to watch her... George II Oct 2021 #33

You're right about that. It is sad. NurseJackie Oct 2021 #43

Not always the best advice. Depends on each patient. My mother-in-law for example Doodley Oct 2021 #34

There is a difference between dementia and delirium Deminpenn Oct 2021 #46

And? Why are you assuming that I don't know that? I looked after my MIL for years and this was a Doodley Oct 2021 #49

Just fwiw as some people, including doctors, don't Deminpenn Oct 2021 #102

I think that would be obvious. BlackSkimmer Oct 2021 #51

Thank you for your contribution. Doodley Oct 2021 #53

Certainly. BlackSkimmer Oct 2021 #56

I would like to tell what was helpful and enjoyable for my sister. Tracer Oct 2021 #35

Same here Rebl2 Oct 2021 #40

My mother's situation was completely opposite. OAITW r.2.0 Oct 2021 #41

... NurseJackie Oct 2021 #42

I had a friend in my condo complex in Florida. marie999 Oct 2021 #45

Perfect! It's all about compassion... being fearless... finding silver linings... NurseJackie Oct 2021 #71

My spouse has been diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment, Ms. Toad Oct 2021 #47

I had to make a conscious effort to NOT speak to my sister like she was a child. NurseJackie Oct 2021 #52

I've gotten used to just swallowing my pride Ms. Toad Oct 2021 #62

Covid has been challenging for us since the long-term care facility restricted visitors. NurseJackie Oct 2021 #63

Beautiful Idea JustAnotherGen Oct 2021 #48

Thanks for this. BlackSkimmer Oct 2021 #50

... NurseJackie Oct 2021 #72

I loved my great grandmother's stories when I was growing up. rickyhall Oct 2021 #57

Great advice, & most of all a beautiful, if heartbreaking, thread. Thanks, all who contributed. Hekate Oct 2021 #60

To me seta1950 Oct 2021 #61

When I worked in a nursing home back in the 90's, we were still in the Wingus Dingus Oct 2021 #65

I was with my sister when she was seeing things that weren't there... NurseJackie Oct 2021 #67

That's about all you can do--accept what they believe but try to reassure Wingus Dingus Oct 2021 #69

One problem is when people were trained to "attempt to reorient" nitpicker Oct 2021 #75

A sobering thread with many thoughtful responses grantcart Oct 2021 #68

When she was still aware, I knew that my visits would be quickly forgotten... NurseJackie Oct 2021 #78

this is what my Mom is currently like.... bahboo Oct 2021 #81

K&R Blue Owl Oct 2021 #79

Somehow I Thought This Was Going To Be COL Mustard Oct 2021 #85

The beautiful hours of time travel lostnfound Oct 2021 #86

I wish I could rec this about a hundred thousand times, I really do. nt Maru Kitteh Oct 2021 #88

Thanks. NurseJackie Oct 2021 #101

I appreciated the moment when it was my grandma.... KentuckyWoman Oct 2021 #89

My Mother went back to her early 20's. Texaswitchy Oct 2021 #90

it's what I have always done Skittles Oct 2021 #91

Both my sister, who I live with and care for, MerryBlooms Oct 2021 #94

My older brother passed from FTD BunnyMcGee Oct 2021 #96

I Feel I Have A Preview of What This Is Like... usedtobedemgurl Oct 2021 #100