It's Not Too Late, Donald [View all]
While ex-presidents like Carter, Clinton, and Obama have secured their post-presidential legacies, Donald Trump's only legacy thus far is continuing to spew his grievances about losing the last election.
But it's not too late for The Former Guy to to do something positive - and I have a few suggestions for him:
Establish a nation-wide corp of volunteers who will rake the floors of our forests in order to prevent wildfires.
Start a foundation that will raise public awareness about bone spurs, a heart-breaking condition that prevents would-be heroes from serving in the military.
Visit schools around the country to demonstrate how you would rush into an active-shooter situation, unarmed, and save the day.
Fund scientific research into how to nuke hurricanes before they can get tremendously big and tremendously wet, and cause damage in Sharpie-designated states.
Raise money to erect a monument to the Revolutionary soldiers who stopped the British in 1775 by shutting down the airports.
Strengthen international ties by reaching out to the countries of Button, Nipple, and Nambia.
Fund research into creating silent windmills, so their noise will stop causing cancer.
Produce sex-ed videos for incels that explain how grabbing a woman by the pussy can be the icebreaker that leads to a fulfilling relationship.
Embark on a college lecture tour that teaches future political hopefuls the importance of keeping their grades hidden from prying eyes.
Initiate a program that encourages high school science and math teachers to not waste their time teaching useless subjects - like science and math.
Establish a Coalition of Accountants that will educate taxpayers on how to under-estimate/over-estimate their assets, depending on who's asking.
Go door-to-door in Mexico to collect money to finally pay for The Wall.
And finally, launch a world-wide investigation into why people around the globe have been brainwashed into believing you're an ignorant, self-serving grifter who tried to overthrow the government of your own country.
It's not too late, Donald - you can still save your ex-presidential legacy by moving your lard-ass out of Mar-a-Lago and doing any of the above.
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