General Discussion

Jedi Guy

(3,451 posts)

9. Sounds to me like she got caught out in a lie and is salty about it.

Fri Jan 28, 2022, 02:13 PM

Jan 2022

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for proof that a family member has shuffled off this mortal coil. When my grandfather died six years ago, my employer gave me the three bereavement days mandated in my contract, but I had to provide a link to the obituary, which named me as surviving kin. I didn't consider that to be insensitive or insulting at all.

Odds are she didn't expect you (or anyone else) would ask for proof that she was telling the truth, so she fell back on the "culturally insensitive" remark in order to dodge the request for proof. If I were in your shoes, I'd ask her to explain exactly how that request is culturally insensitive, and then reiterate that the policy is that proof must be provided.

TL;DR: She fibbed, then fibbed again because she's taking you for a ride.

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A student just accused me of being "Culturally insensitive" [View all] Coventina Jan 2022 OP

Open letter coming soon! greenjar_01 Jan 2022 #1

Every other school absence requires paperwork or a parental note. Old Term: No Doc, No Problem TheBlackAdder Jan 2022 #172

Per chance is this a teen? Throck Jan 2022 #2

Sometimes the same family member dies twice dalton99a Jan 2022 #3

Yes, I get a flock of dead grandmothers almost every semester. Coventina Jan 2022 #7

Yes, isn't it amazing PatSeg Jan 2022 #10

Up to 8, actually. Divorced kids, parents both remarry when kids are young, totally possible, lostnfound Jan 2022 #151

Oh yes, it is entirely possible PatSeg Jan 2022 #154

Remember MASH treestar Jan 2022 #69

3 questions: Tetrachloride Jan 2022 #4

My answers: Coventina Jan 2022 #5

I conclude that your request was more than reasonable Tetrachloride Jan 2022 #14

Moot point SheltieLover Jan 2022 #6

Immediate is a real, individual thing, in addition to a bureaucratic definition. Hortensis Jan 2022 #19

I don't know Dorian Gray Jan 2022 #83

It's increasingly common not to have any service, especially in the age of CV19 Maru Kitteh Jan 2022 #8

I had a uncle die, cremated, no service, and no obituary. Lars39 Jan 2022 #11

Yikes. That's kinda sad. Wingus Dingus Jan 2022 #26

I know. Lars39 Jan 2022 #31

Sounds to me like she got caught out in a lie and is salty about it. Jedi Guy Jan 2022 #9

This. BlackSkimmer Jan 2022 #22

That's why an administrator should handle these requests. BradAllison Jan 2022 #104

You didn't ask her to wheel in the body? Behind the Aegis Jan 2022 #12

In my experience, kids will try to scam you on attendance. ananda Jan 2022 #13

What field to you teach? Lucid Dreamer Jan 2022 #15

Art History Coventina Jan 2022 #17

What is this student's history? Dorian Gray Jan 2022 #87

It's early in the semester, she hadn't missed any classes. Coventina Jan 2022 #91

It's probably good that you reached out to someone Dorian Gray Jan 2022 #95

Yes, actually the Diversity Coordinator was just in my office after getting my email Coventina Jan 2022 #98

This message was self-deleted by its author DesertGarden Feb 2022 #177

I mean, you could ask *her* Act_of_Reparation Jan 2022 #16

I've contacted our diversity coordinator and am awaiting her response Coventina Jan 2022 #18

Maybe her culture doesn't believe in announcements. boston bean Jan 2022 #20

Is her name Klinger by any chance? alphafemale Jan 2022 #21

Yes, poor Klinger couldn't even get out for the great Toledo scarlet fever outbreak! BlackSkimmer Jan 2022 #23

:) treestar Jan 2022 #71

It was Epstein's mom n/m BradAllison Jan 2022 #106

My father-in-law died when my son was in college-- Wingus Dingus Jan 2022 #24

Bingo! THIS is the way it should be handled [by the student]. Lucid Dreamer Jan 2022 #148

She's trying to con you you and make you feel bad for bogus reasons alphafemale Jan 2022 #25

This. BlackSkimmer Jan 2022 #50

Winner winner chicken dinner. Bang on the money. N/T Jedi Guy Jan 2022 #63

not every family holds a "service" or has a "flyer" or puts an obit in orleans Jan 2022 #27

All that is true. But where does "culture" come into it? Coventina Jan 2022 #28

That's the very definition of culture. kcr Jan 2022 #133

that's harsh Piasladic Jan 2022 #140

College instructors have difficult jobs. yardwork Jan 2022 #157

It's shitty to ask for proof. WhiskeyGrinder Jan 2022 #29

Why? Coventina Jan 2022 #30

It puts another chore on a grieving person. WhiskeyGrinder Jan 2022 #32

Give me a break. If that's your idea of a "chore" then you must have a really charmed life. Coventina Jan 2022 #35

Why do you require it? WhiskeyGrinder Jan 2022 #36

Because attendance is required for my classes, it is part of their grade. Coventina Jan 2022 #39

So being sick isn't an excused absence? WhiskeyGrinder Jan 2022 #41

No. And that's school policy, not mine. n/t Coventina Jan 2022 #42

that's harsh iemanja Jan 2022 #64

It may seem so but when you consider the ramifications Coventina Jan 2022 #74

When I taught college iemanja Jan 2022 #77

I do a lot of hands-on activities and discussions that students need to be present to Coventina Jan 2022 #82

I teach high school and have taught college. Cuthbert Allgood Jan 2022 #170

That's a gross policy. Cuthbert Allgood Jan 2022 #72

Please see my post #74 n/t Coventina Jan 2022 #75

Not even for COVID? Ms. Toad Jan 2022 #147

I'm in my 40s and still have nightmares about missing classes... W_HAMILTON Jan 2022 #76

please see my post #82 n/t Coventina Jan 2022 #85

At one time in my life I worked in Personnel. Multiple dead grandmas is something that can... Hekate Jan 2022 #90

When my mother died, I was the executor of her estate. BlackSkimmer Jan 2022 #57

The biggest chore for me, after my parents died, was... Buckeye_Democrat Jan 2022 #84

God, I'd forgotten about that. My mom was 90 and her friends thought she was healthy. BlackSkimmer Jan 2022 #96

Ugh, it was awful. Buckeye_Democrat Jan 2022 #107

Thanks. BlackSkimmer Jan 2022 #125

So many "friends" don't REALLY know... Buckeye_Democrat Jan 2022 #130

I just couldn't. Felt guilt afterwards, but then, as you said, I know I did what she wanted. BlackSkimmer Jan 2022 #132

I Got Hit RobinA Jan 2022 #165

Agree Meowmee Jan 2022 #86

unlikely Piasladic Jan 2022 #142

My preference Meowmee Jan 2022 #144

My college demands I report absences (and types) of because of financial aid. Piasladic Jan 2022 #145

We record them also for an initial period and aid is based on it but we are Meowmee Jan 2022 #168

+1 demmiblue Jan 2022 #92

Coulda timed your watch to this. BradAllison Jan 2022 #111

Yep Thtwudbeme Jan 2022 #124

I fall on this side as well. I have employees who have said someone died Quixote1818 Jan 2022 #127

That's standard policy at a LOT of jobs NickB79 Jan 2022 #137

It's a shitty policy in employment too. WhiskeyGrinder Jan 2022 #139

I'm not joking; it would be abused here, badly NickB79 Jan 2022 #146

In our faith community, even before COVID, we often had celebrations of life Ms. Toad Jan 2022 #33

I get what you are saying, but she said her aunt had just died, and she needed to attend services. Coventina Jan 2022 #43

I don't think that was part of the OP. Ms. Toad Jan 2022 #45

Apologies. You are correct, I didn't provide that info. n/t Coventina Jan 2022 #46

No problem - but it seemed that several of us were puzzled Ms. Toad Jan 2022 #58

This message was self-deleted by its author DesertGarden Feb 2022 #179

I wish she wasn't insensitive to your school's culture... Buckeye_Democrat Jan 2022 #34

It's a tough situation. Happy Hoosier Jan 2022 #37

Businesses and the government require it all the time. Coventina Jan 2022 #44

Airlines certainly do. BlackSkimmer Jan 2022 #53

I've never been asked for proof by an employer personally... Happy Hoosier Jan 2022 #60

We might be talking at cross purposes here. Coventina Jan 2022 #68

Neither have I kcr Jan 2022 #134

Could be Latino or any south-American where they view Aunts as "Nuclear" family. Hellbound Hellhound Jan 2022 #38

What about employers that require it? I've never had a job that didn't. N/T Coventina Jan 2022 #40

What about them? "Employers" don't get to enforce culture. Hellbound Hellhound Jan 2022 #47

This doesn't sound right at all. Wingus Dingus Jan 2022 #51

If the employer is paying them to be absent, they absolutely can Coventina Jan 2022 #52

But you're a school, not an employer. You're paid by these kids, not the other way around. Hellbound Hellhound Jan 2022 #56

"I paid my fee so I get a B" is your position? Coventina Jan 2022 #62

If your Art History class includes attendance... Buckeye_Democrat Jan 2022 #70

I'm pro-Education, anti-bullshit. Hellbound Hellhound Jan 2022 #88

You're adorable. Coventina Jan 2022 #93

I attended classes like the one you describe. Hellbound Hellhound Jan 2022 #100

Oh, I see, this is all about your vendetta against teachers. Coventina Jan 2022 #101

You asked for input, I just gave it. Hellbound Hellhound Jan 2022 #103

I asked about cultural insensitivity. You haven't addressed that at all. Coventina Jan 2022 #105

I've given you everything I can about cultural insensitivity. Hellbound Hellhound Jan 2022 #109

Someone probably abused the honor system, and they had to go this way. BradAllison Jan 2022 #115

I'll agree with the thought that students can be the assholes. Hellbound Hellhound Jan 2022 #118

So the teacher's teaching is completely irrelevant? In a history class? BradAllison Jan 2022 #135

You don't know anything about teaching overseas. After teaching and living in four Asian countries AZLD4Candidate Feb 2022 #174

Our failing educators? Please enlighten me on that sideswipe comment, Administrator! AZLD4Candidate Feb 2022 #178

I have an attendance policy - and it has nothing to do with stroking my ego. Ms. Toad Jan 2022 #149

If a class has attendance as part of the final grade, that's almost always in the syllabus. Jedi Guy Jan 2022 #80

"almost always" is the rub. Hellbound Hellhound Jan 2022 #94

Sure, you have to take electives. Jedi Guy Jan 2022 #123

Some private colleges don't exactly have a deep pool of electives to choose from. Hellbound Hellhound Jan 2022 #126

On the whole, I agree with you. Jedi Guy Jan 2022 #128

Thank you kindly for the welcome, friend. Hellbound Hellhound Jan 2022 #129

yikes! Piasladic Jan 2022 #143

Attendance policies for university students are set by the Feds to bring in Fed funding AZLD4Candidate Feb 2022 #175

Jesus Christ almighty... róisín_dubh Feb 2022 #176

I never had a job that did. Happy Hoosier Jan 2022 #61

Same. Lost all four grandparents in my working career, never had to give proof. Hellbound Hellhound Jan 2022 #65

What are you even talking about? AZLD4Candidate Feb 2022 #173

Every job required it for me. Buckeye_Democrat Jan 2022 #73

Please see my reply to you in post #68 n/t Coventina Jan 2022 #78

The funeral home/mortuary can provide info that she can forward, Wingus Dingus Jan 2022 #48

that depends. orleans Jan 2022 #138

bollocks nt Celerity Jan 2022 #131

I suppose because of the importance of extended family iemanja Jan 2022 #49

Perhaps the policy should be more clearly defined? kentuck Jan 2022 #54

I agree completely, and I was going to give her the attendance credit. Coventina Jan 2022 #55

She is going to have 25 aunts and uncles maybe 8 grandparents die in the next couple years alphafemale Jan 2022 #67

All of those life insurance companies... Buckeye_Democrat Jan 2022 #59

I don't know about the cultural issue but... jcgoldie Jan 2022 #66

+1 demmiblue Jan 2022 #79

If a student has a death in family Meowmee Jan 2022 #81

Documentation requirements from random schools: dalton99a Jan 2022 #89

I just looked up the bereavement policy... Buckeye_Democrat Jan 2022 #97

Here is ours: Coventina Jan 2022 #108

+1. "will be required" dalton99a Jan 2022 #110

You don't have the option to waive the policy, it seems. yardwork Jan 2022 #158

She used a term she knew you would flinch at Sympthsical Jan 2022 #99

If it were me I would not pick this battle blogslug Jan 2022 #102

An administrator should be handling this. BradAllison Jan 2022 #112

There's a thought!!!!! Coventina Jan 2022 #113

Agreed. Buckeye_Democrat Jan 2022 #114

Excellent suggestion. Buck it to the people with the responsibility, Hortensis Jan 2022 #159

When I taught at university my policy was: meadowlander Jan 2022 #116

****** UPDATE ****** Coventina Jan 2022 #117

I'm happy for you. Buckeye_Democrat Jan 2022 #119

Agreed. Hellbound Hellhound Jan 2022 #120

Welcome to DU. n.t ChazII Jan 2022 #155

+1. Another consideration is fairness to other students dalton99a Jan 2022 #121

True. n/t Coventina Jan 2022 #122

Good BradAllison Jan 2022 #136

:) Still reading. Sounds good, and if there's any problem Hortensis Jan 2022 #161

Her issue, not yours. Sounds fishy. Joinfortmill Jan 2022 #141

I don't know. 48656c6c6f20 Jan 2022 #150

She may be right actually, though we all have blinders and can't be blamed for not knowing all lostnfound Jan 2022 #152

If the aunt were an atheist or poor? Bad Thoughts Jan 2022 #153

Makes me think she was lying JI7 Jan 2022 #156

Agreed. Buckeye_Democrat Jan 2022 #160

Blithely accusing someone of being culturally insensitive is out of bounds gulliver Jan 2022 #162

I think it's a college class, but... Buckeye_Democrat Jan 2022 #163

Agreed gulliver Jan 2022 #166

All that is running through my mind is that Seinfeld episode DLCWIdem Jan 2022 #164

Most of my old college classes didn't care either, but... Buckeye_Democrat Jan 2022 #169

Not all deaths are followed by services or an obit. SYFROYH Jan 2022 #167

She's right. You're wrong, and an aunt is an immediate family member. Renew Deal Jan 2022 #171