This was the guy the Russians just sent in to save the day:

[COL Mustard]

26. And in other news, Putin had a stroke because of the Ukraine crisis (Don't I wish this was true)....

A few years later, he wakes up, gets back on his feet and walks out of his hospital room, right past the sleeping guard.

He walks out of the hospital onto the streets of Moscow, and finds that most people don't recognize him. Several years of vegetative coma seem to have taken its toll on his appearance. After wandering around for a bit, he stumbles into the nearest bar. He sits down at the bar and orders a full glass of vodka.

He sips nervously and musters the courage to ask the bartender: "What year is it?"

The bartender is confused, but replies: "2025..."

Putin takes another sip of his drink to process this information. He then asks: "And Crimea, is it still ours?"

Bartender proudly replies: "Still ours!"

Putin nods in approval and takes another sip. Then, he follows: "And Kiev, is it also ours?"

Bartender replies: "Kiev also ours."

A big, happy grin appears on Putin's face, as he finally finishes the drink and asks the bartender: "How much for the vodka?"

Bartender: "100 hryvnias!"