How to be a better straight ally to LGBTQ people

[IngridsLittleAngel]

7. Well said and explained. My thoughts on your thoughts...

You say a lot of here that I want to touch on, and that's okay. So don't mind my reply being a bit lengthy as well...

"Actually listen to LGBT..." So much this. I know I've seen it myself, sadly. I've spoken up about the physical impact that Spironolactone has had on me and it feels like some people would rather believe third-hand myths over first-hand experiences. We know of what we speak - no matter where we fit in in LGBTQ. That should carry more weight than the sludge that fills Facebook or any of the alt-right wacko media.

"Also, it isn't up to us to educate you on basic respect..." When I was in preschool, there were signs on the wall. "Do unto others as you'd want done unto you." Nearly 5 decades later, that's still stuck with me.

"But, what if I identified as Santa Claus..." Many times, these absurd comparisons get to me too. "You're a woman? Fine, I'm an attack helicopter!" and the like. I can't stand them myself. It shows a lack of empathy, a lack of critical thought and a dangerously closed mind. But the kind of crap to be expected from people who believe "common sense doesn't even exist!" It does, but like gravity, they ignore it at their own peril.

But if someone wants to identify as Santa Claus? Hey, go for it. I have done online fundraising with a person who looks a lot like Santa and goes out quite a bit as Santa - year-round - and does good work. So, you know, maybe they should try identifying as Santa Claus and spreading joy to the world - instead of identifying as assholes and spreading misery to the world.

"You're not an expert..." Most of us aren't. Oh, sure, we have things we know real well. I can go on until I collapse about baseball history and 80's music and classic Star Trek, among a few topics. But do I know it all? Absolutely not. Not about those topics or anything else - besides maybe my own life.

I can talk and talk and talk myself. But as they say: When you're talking, you're not listening. I spend more time listening than talking, by choice.

The problem as you said, though, is that some people end up choosing to listen to the wrong sources. Disgraced crackpots and self-appointed experts and their bullshit should not carry more weight than first-hand experiences, or even the words of allies like President Biden.

We are who we are. Which is okay. People should be who they are, as long as they don't hurt others. No one should be told how to live their life, who they should be, who they should love or any of that.

"Actually do something to help us..." That'd be ideal. That'd be the absolute best way to be an ally. Be supportive. Be kind. When you see homophobia or transphobia or even insensitive jokes, speak up.

But, at the bare minimum... don't get in our way. Don't try to disrupt our lives. We have enough trouble as it is. We don't need more. Besides, they wouldn't want us to disrupt their lives... why disrupt ours?

"I have challenges that you will never face..." That, for sure. Few people have easy lives. We all have problems. We all have challenges. Ours are unique in that we face some very ugly behavior from our own families and "friends."

Straight cisgender people don't get fired or denied opportunities, or disowned by their family and dumped by their friends for saying "I'm straight." We do. Coming out cost me my entire family outside of one person. Coming out cost me many friends, many who wanted to make absurd assumptions or spread lies about me. Our reality is what makes Pat Sajak's "I'm taking a huge risk, but, I'm coming out as straight" "joke" so insensitive and tasteless. Pat isn't going to lose his job for being cishet. Many of us could.

I've endured decades of false "You're harmful to children" accusations. And I have no doubt whatsoever that the police and City Hall have a bias against me here (yes, in wonderful, progressive California.)

"Acknowledge 1-3..." Absolutely. But as I said above: At the bare minimum, stay out of our path and let us be. Support and action and being a staunch ally like Lynda Carter or Joe Biden or Nancy Sinatra or so many others would be awesome and great. We'd love that. But at the very least, if people don't want to get their hands dirty, then don't do anything to make life more difficult for us. Don't carry water for the 'phobes instead of carrying water for us.