Gender trope discussion from last night [View all]

[lapislzi]

I belong to a writers' group. We are all professional writers who enjoy varying levels of success in our craft. All highly literate, well-read. We are also of an older demographic; at 50, I am the youngest member. I might add that we are all progressive to varying degrees from Clinton Democrats to socialists like myself and a couple of others. We are all very close friends, and have been for nearly two decades.

Last night at our monthly get-together, one of the older gentlemen (word use deliberate) was describing a professional interaction with his agent, a woman. He began, "so I received an e-mail from this gal--"

I stopped him and politely asked that he not use the word "gal" to describe a woman. He looked genuinely baffled. "What should I call her?" "She's a woman," I said.

The floodgates opened. Calling someone a "gal," in my mind, is slightly less demeaning than calling her a "dame" or a "broad." Especially when describing someone with whom you enjoy a professional relationship. I have "gal pals," but the use of this term is strictly limited to a fun-and-games context. Others, including women, disagreed and felt I was being "overly sensitive" (always a veiled insult, in my opinion).

Then the word "guy" entered the discussion. Is it demeaning for a man to be called a "guy?" I don't think so, but I would like to hear from men on this. I maintain that "guys" (plural) is gender-neutral. In fact, I would suggest that there are very few demeaning words for a man, unless they refer strictly to his station in life--"bum" or similar.

What was most interesting to me was the fact that this man--a dear friend--was completely unaware that this word might bother someone. I can't say it rose to the level of offense, but it brought a multi-tentacled discussion to the surface.

I want to hear from people about this. Women--are there words that set your teeth on edge? Men? Have you been trivialized or marginalized by language?

Pulling up a comfy chair. I'll be here all day.