General Discussion

MineralMan

(151,359 posts)

97. Not an uncommon way to feel for many young guys.

Thu Dec 22, 2022, 04:39 PM

Dec 2022

I went through a period like that during my Freshman year at college. Very frustrating. What worked for me, way back in the 1960s, was to take whatever books I needed to study over to one of the women's dorms near my dorm. I'd find a comfy sofa in the common area lounge and study. It was quieter than the men's dorms, anyhow. I didn't stare at anyone or really talk to anyone. I just did my reading there.

Well, after about a week of that, young women living in that dorm started coming over and starting conversations with me. Aha! I had discovered something. Their curiosity led to my meeting quite a few residents in that dorm, and dating a few of them. Worked a treat.

Being sort of shy can feel like a real problem. The answer is to be somewhere and wait until someone breaks the ice. From there, you have a beginning.

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My grandson in college says that it is impossible to meet girls [View all] tavernier Dec 2022 OP

"Smart enough to be in college" is a pretty low bar... Wounded Bear Dec 2022 #1

Yeah, no bar scene. Not old enough yet. tavernier Dec 2022 #7

it depends on the college NJCher Dec 2022 #49

And how much does the percentage rise for 'legacy' applications from wealthy alumni? nt Wounded Bear Dec 2022 #61

hahah NJCher Dec 2022 #62

To the extent that it is true, it won't last. Don't forget Covid set some new Bernardo de La Paz Dec 2022 #2

i know someone with two kids in college, the younger one started at the onset of Covid Rhiannon12866 Dec 2022 #43

When karaoke is able to start up Captain Zero Dec 2022 #96

It's prob true to some extent bucolic_frolic Dec 2022 #3

Not if you've laid groundwork and treat people as people. Yeah, don't open with "you're cute" Bernardo de La Paz Dec 2022 #6

well, I was an expert at meeting the opposite sex NJCher Dec 2022 #50

As a male who grew up around other males, "Hello" is a pretty good pickup line for girls to use. PurgedVoter Dec 2022 #111

Girls just wanna' have fun NJCher Dec 2022 #129

This message was self-deleted by its author Chin music Dec 2022 #4

He was a nice guy. Reminds me of this Rodney Dangerfield bit. TheBlackAdder Dec 2022 #42

This message was self-deleted by its author Chin music Dec 2022 #46

My son has met a lot of girls in College. onecaliberal Dec 2022 #5

So no social gatherings, friend groups, parties? elias7 Dec 2022 #8

Meet people with similar interests vlyons Dec 2022 #9

Exactly. Join 2-3 groups Tetrachloride Dec 2022 #35

This is not what I have heard from college students in my life. And frankly, him pegging it to WhiskeyGrinder Dec 2022 #10

Sounds like a Hannity guest "story" Effete Snob Dec 2022 #12

Right? Tree-Hugger Dec 2022 #22

Gonna say the same thing. Went to Rutgers for continuing ed, and that wasn't what I noticed. TheBlackAdder Dec 2022 #45

+1, uponit7771 Dec 2022 #52

beware Skittles Dec 2022 #54

I had the same reaction. yardwork Dec 2022 #64

Send him out to here to UCSB in Santa Barbara. Kids partying in the street and hook up central ZonkerHarris Dec 2022 #112

Sounds like a right wing grievance propaganda story Effete Snob Dec 2022 #11

Sounds implausible. enough Dec 2022 #13

Universities have lots of clubs, especially in business schools. I don't spooky3 Dec 2022 #14

Not from my observations Lemonwurst Dec 2022 #15

Doesn't sound right to me Jilly_in_VA Dec 2022 #16

You know what? Effete Snob Dec 2022 #17

Yep. Citing #MeToo is a warning sign IMO. WhiskeyGrinder Dec 2022 #20

Yep Effete Snob Dec 2022 #24

I'm curious why people are reccing this thread. WhiskeyGrinder Dec 2022 #27

I get your point, but this term is still used spooky3 Dec 2022 #36

How big a deal is that to a college sophomore? Effete Snob Dec 2022 #38

I recently retired from a top university and spooky3 Dec 2022 #40

Yes Effete Snob Dec 2022 #41

100% agree with both of you obamanut2012 Dec 2022 #31

This, I think, is the most important reply in the thread. I beg the OP to pay heed to it. n/t Mister Ed Dec 2022 #25

If the OP wasn't tavernier... Effete Snob Dec 2022 #28

Seconded mahina Dec 2022 #32

Well said. chia Dec 2022 #33

Strikes me that way too. hunter Dec 2022 #48

Yes. And he could be introverted treestar Dec 2022 #69

Does he attend a Christian college? Bobstandard Dec 2022 #18

Perhaps he's smart enough to know when to keep his social life private? Freethinker65 Dec 2022 #19

I worked with college kids for 25 years. LakeArenal Dec 2022 #21

Is he a Trumper? Besides grievance incels, they're the only ones that seem to be struggling Arazi Dec 2022 #23

I could buy this if he lives off campus TheFarseer Dec 2022 #26

I commuted and lived on campus Effete Snob Dec 2022 #29

No, this isn't true at all obamanut2012 Dec 2022 #30

Not true at all. Go to any college town and you can easily JI7 Dec 2022 #34

The "blame feminists" (MeToo) for the "lack of hooking-up" framing just signals something for me JHB Dec 2022 #37

Nope, I have a kid in college and she's met Luciferous Dec 2022 #39

A few random thoughts Lithos Dec 2022 #44

Men with his attitude toward the Me, too movement may turn off pnwmom Dec 2022 #47

As a college professor, I can say that I see no lessening of social interactions. Coventina Dec 2022 #51

Same, at both a university here in the US and one in England. r�is�n_dubh Dec 2022 #115

Sounds like he's in the wrong place. GoodRaisin Dec 2022 #53

What is his living situation? If he's living in a fraternity pnwmom Dec 2022 #55

I wish I could help, but I'm just too far removed by now DFW Dec 2022 #56

If he blames MeToo as the reason for not meeting girls, bdjhawk Dec 2022 #57

Too harsh and not nearly enough info to ascribe such a nasty pejorative? Hortensis Dec 2022 #75

The movement against rape culture/sexual abuse/harassment is preventing your grandson from meeting Solly Mack Dec 2022 #58

I think Dorian Gray Dec 2022 #59

Thank you for all the responses. Very Helpful. tavernier Dec 2022 #60

A person doesn't have to be "a Trumper" or "an incel" to adopt cultural cues that are rooted in WhiskeyGrinder Dec 2022 #66

Your grandson's a late bloomer? shrike3 Dec 2022 #76

I was an engineering major my first two years in college. hunter Dec 2022 #93

It's not Me Too Mr. Ected Dec 2022 #63

Thanks. tavernier Dec 2022 #68

My step-nephew said something similar about his son and his son's friends. shrike3 Dec 2022 #77

Egads! If you ever encounter some stranger who is "looking for a soulmate," RUN AWAY!!! hunter Dec 2022 #92

Is it possible that maybe your grandson isn't interested in meeting girls FakeNoose Dec 2022 #65

No, he's not gay. Wouldn't matter to entire family tavernier Dec 2022 #67

The incel movement is a symptom of something wrong in our society Calculating Dec 2022 #70

"Not saying it's women's fault, but.." LOL n/t leftstreet Dec 2022 #71

Did you even read the message Calculating Dec 2022 #73

Amen to that last. It's real, it's tragic, and it's destabilizing society. Hortensis Dec 2022 #85

So before MeToo, men had no problems getting dates? leftstreet Dec 2022 #94

Possible it could be because they suck. And the me to thing is a re d flag. Demsrule86 Dec 2022 #116

There's not something wrong. Women's rights have evolved such that they don't need to rely on men WhiskeyGrinder Dec 2022 #78

You must realize the implications of that though Calculating Dec 2022 #86

It's definitely an issue, and our culture reinforces the idea that there's someone for everyone, WhiskeyGrinder Dec 2022 #91

Some freshmen have a rough adjustment period. Mine did. And now she's making friends everywhere she lindysalsagal Dec 2022 #72

His best bet is probably to make friends w/ some of the local male students MissMillie Dec 2022 #74

As a culture, we're losing our ability to socialize Yavin4 Dec 2022 #79

"MOST daters say their dating lives aren't going well and it's difficult to find Hortensis Dec 2022 #80

Yes, and I think I'm also viewing it from the lens of tavernier Dec 2022 #83

Lol, QUITE varied. Including the impressions given Hortensis Dec 2022 #87

This message was self-deleted by its author Mosby Dec 2022 #88

It's a (not so "Brave) new World" nt Prairie_Seagull Dec 2022 #81

It's all dating apps now. Nobody under 30 seems to just meet each other and ask Wingus Dingus Dec 2022 #82

What I've heard from younger people as well. shrike3 Dec 2022 #120

My son attended community college first. When he transferred to a large university helpisontheway Dec 2022 #84

My oldest started college before the pandemic Bettie Dec 2022 #89

I would HATE to go to college in the current times. Sounds like a truly aweful place to be. beaglelover Dec 2022 #90

Does Anyone Read This RobinA Dec 2022 #95

lol what WhiskeyGrinder Dec 2022 #98

I frequently bash white males and I am one. hunter Dec 2022 #100

Not an uncommon way to feel for many young guys. MineralMan Dec 2022 #97

Diabolical, dear MM. tavernier Dec 2022 #104

I suppose so, but the principle is still the same. MineralMan Dec 2022 #113

My second serious girlfriend was my study partner. hunter Dec 2022 #108

Yup. Opportunities come to those who are patient. MineralMan Dec 2022 #114

My husband said reading a book was the best way to meet women ever. shrike3 Dec 2022 #118

He was right, I think. MineralMan Dec 2022 #119

As a female, I've had the same experience. shrike3 Dec 2022 #121

LOL! There's that, too, I suppose. MineralMan Dec 2022 #122

Delightful. My husband needed similar encouragement. shrike3 Dec 2022 #123

When shy people meet... MineralMan Dec 2022 #124

If he is athletic, suggest joining the cheer squad. SYFROYH Dec 2022 #99

Recreational Coed Softball. hunter Dec 2022 #102

That's a good choice, too! SYFROYH Dec 2022 #103

Your grandson is buying into a lie pfitz59 Dec 2022 #101

Well, now you've done it. BradAllison Dec 2022 #105

Impossible. tavernier Dec 2022 #106

I think most of us were nice enough saying it's NOT "Me too" or "Social Media." hunter Dec 2022 #109

Poor kid GusBob Dec 2022 #107

You've obviously never seen me first thing in the morning tavernier Dec 2022 #110

It's not. It's really not. W_HAMILTON Dec 2022 #117

Sounds like he has been watching too much Fox News Buckeyeblue Dec 2022 #125

He would rather have a root canal. tavernier Dec 2022 #128

Huh... My daughter hasn't had trouble meeting guys... Happy Hoosier Dec 2022 #126

My granddaughter went to Uni in Cinci tavernier Dec 2022 #127

My son started graduate school at a new university. NNadir Dec 2022 #130

I've found it's very hard to meet women outside of dating sites. Rizen Dec 2022 #131

That's basically what my gs says. tavernier Dec 2022 #132