General Discussion

obamanut2012

(29,407 posts)

50. Exactly, and also

Mon Jan 16, 2012, 12:58 PM

Jan 2012

We DO take into account who says it. Quite a few older men and women use words that they think is okay, or even the "PC" usage. In those cases, it is best to gently educate, which you did. You know this man IS a gentleman. Conversely, people know when someone is baiting a woman, an LGBT person, a person of color, etc.

Once, on a very old "Oprah" show, a very elderly, Southern white man stood up in the audience and spoke about how seeing Elizabeth Eckford completely changed his view on equality for African Americans. The thing is, he used "Colored People." The audience went bonkers, but Oprah didn't. She knew that, to this gentleman, "Colored" WAS the appropriate word to use. This show was probably 25 years ago, and the man was at least 85 or so. I've always tried to remember this lesson.

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Highlight:

Gender trope discussion from last night [View all] lapislzi Jan 2012 OP

Except in the South, "guys" is gender-neutral obamanut2012 Jan 2012 #1

I won't insult you then by i_sometimes Jan 2012 #2

"Gal" sounds flippant and dismissive lapislzi Jan 2012 #5

"Gal" sounds flippant and dismissive to YOU theAntiRand Jan 2012 #25

To open up a discussion lapislzi Jan 2012 #43

Why not refer to her as his agent? How is gender relevant? SharonAnn Jan 2012 #48

+1 treestar Jan 2012 #55

Exactly, and also obamanut2012 Jan 2012 #50

Your opinion =/= reality. Odin2005 Jan 2012 #69

I wonder if context matters Bragi Jan 2012 #93

Depends on context for me. eridani Jan 2012 #96

How is objecting to "gal" being over-sensitive? obamanut2012 Jan 2012 #46

AMEN Remember Me Jan 2012 #74

How is Gal Friday dismissive? EOTE Jan 2012 #98

Gee, I always thought "Gal Friday" was ....... oldhippie Jan 2012 #111

'Gal' doesn't bother me at all babylonsister Jan 2012 #3

"What should I call her?" what is telling is he truly was stumped on what he was suppose to say. seabeyond Jan 2012 #4

It sure has lapislzi Jan 2012 #7

"woman" is sometimes too formal Enrique Jan 2012 #13

sometimes. but i dont think it is the cruxs of the issue. i have found seabeyond Jan 2012 #17

No, it's about formal-distant vs. informal-friendly speech. Odin2005 Jan 2012 #70

then why do people have such a tough time using woman to a perfect stranger as in seabeyond Jan 2012 #75

The use of "lady" is a term of respect and deference reserved for older women, in my experience. Odin2005 Jan 2012 #83

I don't buy that Remember Me Jan 2012 #76

Maybe this notion of women being girls that never grow undergroundpanther Jan 2012 #89

I think it's interesting that if a group includes even one male Morning Dew Jan 2012 #6

I've been with a group of women and been referred to as "guys," lapislzi Jan 2012 #8

Exactly. And I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with it. Morning Dew Jan 2012 #11

This is exactly why drmeow Jan 2012 #66

Excellent point Remember Me Jan 2012 #77

To some younger women, "dude" is gender neutral Orangepeel Jan 2012 #94

That's a good point! obamanut2012 Jan 2012 #51

I refer to a group of women as "guys", too. Odin2005 Jan 2012 #71

I understand it as an old timey thing. VioletLake Jan 2012 #9

Oh, I wasn't trying to pick on him. lapislzi Jan 2012 #12

Good point. VioletLake Jan 2012 #22

It is an interpersonal power play AngryAmish Jan 2012 #10

I'm a Gen X wild 'girl' JustAnotherGen Jan 2012 #14

"Folks" is bothersome? JustABozoOnThisBus Jan 2012 #49

It just irritates me JustAnotherGen Jan 2012 #63

What's wrong with "y'all"? obamanut2012 Jan 2012 #53

Yes, it has a place as a plural form of "you" treestar Jan 2012 #56

I thought "y'all" was the singular form JustABozoOnThisBus Jan 2012 #64

More like the difference between a couple and a bunch... JSnuffy Jan 2012 #91

Same as above JustAnotherGen Jan 2012 #65

no kidding. RIT graduated DUer here. dionysus Jan 2012 #108

In the Midwest the plural of "you" is "ya-guys" Odin2005 Jan 2012 #72

Honestly? 99Forever Jan 2012 #15

If you had read my post more carefully lapislzi Jan 2012 #19

If you weren't "looking to start a fight".. 99Forever Jan 2012 #27

It's not acceptable to me. lapislzi Jan 2012 #28

But it's ok... 99Forever Jan 2012 #31

I neither trivialized nor marginalized your opinion lapislzi Jan 2012 #38

You haven't raised an issue of bias. Lance_Boyle Jan 2012 #101

This is quite an impressive post Remember Me Jan 2012 #78

Guy has been traditionally used for men. MineralMan Jan 2012 #16

Thank you for your reasoned response. lapislzi Jan 2012 #20

It sounds like a good discussion for a writers' group. MineralMan Jan 2012 #24

Sometimes the seed planted sprouts -- Remember Me Jan 2012 #79

I think you may have stumbled on a generational, or perhaps regional, difference ... surrealAmerican Jan 2012 #18

There was no acrimony lapislzi Jan 2012 #21

I'm fine with the word "gal"... ljm2002 Jan 2012 #23

+1 cthulu2016 Jan 2012 #26

"talking gender neutral blues" niyad Jan 2012 #29

Your friend would have had every right and reason to be offended by your behavior cthulu2016 Jan 2012 #30

so, a person cannot discuss an issue or thought, regardless of how respectfully they do it seabeyond Jan 2012 #33

Of course. I ladied it over him for the rest of the evening. lapislzi Jan 2012 #39

"I ladied it over him for the rest of the evening." A-Schwarzenegger Jan 2012 #87

Use of the word gal doesn't offend me but it Raven Jan 2012 #32

"Gal" is perfectly acceptable in every social circle I'm aware of except among... NYC_SKP Jan 2012 #34

Easy, chief. VioletLake Jan 2012 #36

HAHAHAHA! Perfect! NYC_SKP Jan 2012 #58

Yikes. lapislzi Jan 2012 #41

Harmless in most circles, was the point I wanted to make. There are 100s of examples: NYC_SKP Jan 2012 #59

from the early days of the third wave of the feminist movement, we learned that words are so very niyad Jan 2012 #35

I agree, but worse yet to my mind Remember Me Jan 2012 #80

having been involved in any number of these discussions here over the years, I agree with you niyad Jan 2012 #84

It bothers some and not others... JSnuffy Jan 2012 #92

Guys is only gender-neutral in the plural Capitalocracy Jan 2012 #37

USED to be used in English?? Remember Me Jan 2012 #81

Rude much? Capitalocracy Jan 2012 #99

ReallY? Remember Me Jan 2012 #112

Please let me say once again lapislzi Jan 2012 #40

we understand you were not offended. but how else to catagorize hysterical, over sensitive seabeyond Jan 2012 #44

Precisely, seabeyond lapislzi Jan 2012 #47

i have found, and very thrilled i have, people who believe womens place is to sit and shut up seabeyond Jan 2012 #52

I call everyone "Human", "Earthling" or "Carbon-Based Lifeform" WonderGrunion Jan 2012 #42

I tried that. lapislzi Jan 2012 #45

I don't mind being referred to as a "boy" ... dawg Jan 2012 #54

LOL, I'm 25 and people over 50 tend to call me "kid" or "son". Odin2005 Jan 2012 #73

Why not go on the offensive and Remember Me Jan 2012 #82

Because I think "girl" and "boy" are perfectly acceptable in some situations. dawg Jan 2012 #97

I'm 48 - BWAAAHAAAHAAHAA! HopeHoops Jan 2012 #57

being older than dirt, I can tell you that NONE of my friends use "girls", and NONE of us use the niyad Jan 2012 #85

Right - my bad - but "dolls" is even worse. The term "girlfriend" is common around here. HopeHoops Jan 2012 #90

I'm female, 59 years old. emcguffie Jan 2012 #60

I've been a writer for a long time hifiguy Jan 2012 #61

Interesting discussion blaze Jan 2012 #62

The etymology of "gal" justiceischeap Jan 2012 #67

Agreed, context is everything lapislzi Jan 2012 #100

OFFS, there is nothing wrong with "gal". Odin2005 Jan 2012 #68

I don't understand how "gal" is insulting or demeaning if it's used in casual conversation. Quantess Jan 2012 #86

Me thinks you are correct...mankind must think in terms of Whats Best before making decisions opihimoimoi Jan 2012 #88

Once again, my hat is off to thoughtful DUers lapislzi Jan 2012 #95

I remember this being discussed on DU2 Lars39 Jan 2012 #102

At least one DUer uses 'gal' as part of her screen name. Bluenorthwest Jan 2012 #103

Hearing a man refer to women as "females" in the office instead of Ilsa Jan 2012 #104

Your preferred word "woman" actually means "not man." 6000eliot Jan 2012 #105

I can't fix the dictionary lapislzi Jan 2012 #106

Refer to people as they prefer. However... lumberjack_jeff Jan 2012 #107

Equally Stupid are the words "girl" friend or "boy friend" dynasaw Jan 2012 #109

I think you are way too oversensitive to this ..... oldhippie Jan 2012 #110