As the story goes, she is in her house in Connecticut, and is late for an appearance on Fox Noise. She yells for her chauffeur to get the limo ready. The highway into New York City is complete blocked, due to a few accidents, and she realizes that she won't make her appointment. So, she tells her chauffeur to google some alternative route using some rural roads. He does so, but they are curvy in places and he is having trouble keeping his car on the road while speeding.
While rounding one particularly sharp curve, he suddenly sees an aged bovine standing in the middle of the road, and he has no time to swerve. Coulter's limo was strong enough to withstand the crash, but the cow was not. There was a farmhouse across the street, to which the cow obviously belonged, so Coulter told her chauffeur to run in, explain what happened, whose car it was, and just give them enough money to be happy, and get back to driving ASAP. So, the guy went into the house, and didn't come out for an hour. When he did, his hair was a mess, and his clothes were disheveled as well. Her appointment was a lost cause, and she was boiling with rage. "WTF happened in there?" The chauffeur explained that he did as she instructed, and they fed him a fabulous meal, whereupon the daughter of the old farmers took him upstairs for a nice little dessert.
About to explode, Coulter demanded he tell her exactly what he had told them. He said that he had only told them what she had told him to say: "I am Ann Coulter's driver, and I just killed the old cow."
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