The Dow is on pace to do something today it hasn't done since 1897

[jaxexpat]

22. He-ah now, pardnuh, hold 'er reyet theyuh, yore shore gittin' mitey close to,

could I have a drum roll, please? A..................uh....class 1h snarkasm, punishable by one to one be-ration from a codified, verified and bonified keeper of the lines which one must straddle to stay in good standing with whoever's the least tolerant of humor at the moment, for not less than: one, 10 minute diatribe of mind-numbing and redundant explanation delivered in true-tuned* monotone (and no Mr. Pibb or Dr. Pepper, either).

Just as the law requires and the statute clearly delineates: each sarcasm event must be bounded by a red label at the beginning and end of each sarcastic collection of said sarcastic words, said label to be composed of black letters no less than 3" high printed onto a red background and be posted no lower than 36", nor higher than 60" above the nearest adjacent podium floor level. Failure to provide such sarcasm warning documentation or to provide an unauthorized notice outside the proscribed warning description will result in ruffling someone's feathers. Results for definitions and attachments re: feather ruffling can be found in sect.5, par. 3 of the Universal Code of Correct Political Speech Stuff handbook, edition 6, 7th printing, a copy of which is available (while supplies last) at Wayward Brothers Printing and Cursive, Inc. LLC. Please provide a self-addressed pre-paid 8" x 12" return envelope and $17.74 (money order or check), payable to "Sign on the Blank Line, Ltd." 1917-1/2 Bolshevik Boulevard, Our Cousin of the Sacred Heart, Illinois 46108-1917.5 (not to be confused with the Bolsheviks next door who make all kinds of noise at every full moon and don't keep their lawn clippings in a neat pile 2' behind the curb like everybody else, nasty, nasty commies).

1st warning..............


*true-tune; "the echo of everything", patent applied for, not available in Kansas or Timbuktu