The Five Stages of Electoral Grief for Republicans [View all]

[scheming daemons]

1. Denial

"Rasmussen had us ahead! There's no way Obama won without voter fraud!"

2. Anger

"That's it, we're seceding! These anti-American commies aren't going to rule over me!"

3. Bargaining

"Maybe we can flip 63 electoral votes once they see the magnitude of the Benghazi scandal. If that doesn't work, we can begin impeachment proceedings and get Obama out of office. If that doesn't pan out, we can take back the Senate in 2014 and block Obama's agenda and then run a REAL conservative in 2016 (like Sarah!1!1!)"

4. Depression

"Who are we kidding... the demographics of this country have rapidly moved against us. White people like us are a dying breed. America as we knew it is over. What's the use?"

5. Acceptance

"Face it. Obama is a two-term President. Not a damn thing we can do about it. Fuck."