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In reply to the discussion: The convoy turning on each other. ......... [View all]
jmowreader
(53,394 posts)THE GATES OF HELL (Spurious News Network) -- Satan, Dark Ruler of the Underworld and The Epitome of Evil, and Jesus Christ, Savior of the World, today announced a pact in which all Trump supporters are to be immediately shipped off to Heaven.
"We had to do it," said Satan. "They liked it too much in Hell."
In the early days of Donald Trump's Reign on Earth, all Trump supporters were instantly consigned to the Fifth Circle of Hell by Minos, guardian of the underworld, where the wrathful are banished. In the Fifth Circle, the actively wrathful fight viciously on the surface of the River Styx, a swampy and stinking cesspool. The passively wrathful, none of whom ever supported Donald Trump, are left to lie under the surface of the water.
This was originally intended to be a punishment, but it's no punishment for a Trump supporter.
"I got an urgent call from the Devil on the Red Phone," said Jesus. "I went down there and looked around, and saw nothing but immense joy among the Trump supporters. They loved to fight each other on Earth, and in Hell no one was stopping them from doing it - so they were just having the best time ever. You could tell by the smiles on their faces. So, a quick discussion with My Father later and...here we are."
A special section of Heaven has been gated off for Trump supporters. There they are treated to beautiful weather, nutritious all-you-can-eat vegan cuisine and all the Bud Light they can drink. No fighting or dissent is allowed. They are all required to live in peace and harmony.
They hate it.
According to Carl Witherspoon, a participant in the January 6 attack on the Capitol who died of falling down ten flights of stairs in federal prison, this is the worst thing that ever happened to him. "It's woke here! No guns? No red caps? No fighting? No telling anyone they're doomed because I don't like them? Having to eat this crap? Send my ass back to Hell! I liked it there!"
The leader of their movement will not be so lucky. "We have a special place in Hell reserved for Donald Trump. It's a little room with a chair in it and he'll never see anyone again. That's the worst thing that could possibly happen to him."
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