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TheOther95Percent

(1,035 posts)

48. I'm afraid some people have maladaptive responses to stress

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 11:39 PM

Nov 2012

If his response tonight was atypical, than I would wait for him to calm down and make amends. My advice is different if this isn't the first time he's been verbally abusive. If that's the case, I say take the job and leave him behind. Life is too short to live with someone who doesn't love and cherish you as you deserve to be my friend.

I made that decision in 1999. I rarely argued with my former husband since I knew his family of origin had not taught him how to argue fairly. Anyway, we got into an argument about money and he punched me in the face. That did it for me. I have never regretted the divorce.

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My hubby & I made approx same salary for 17 years [View all] peacebird Nov 2012 OP

~ Lars39 Nov 2012 #1

Thanks Lars39 peacebird Nov 2012 #3

Sounds like he doesn't appreciate you brush Nov 2012 #49

Ditto x 100,000,000! southerncrone Nov 2012 #55

I found your post painful. I divorced after 27 years and money was virgogal Nov 2012 #2

People can say awful things they don't mean, when they are under duress. He loves you. WinkyDink Nov 2012 #4

People say things they are THINKING when under duress. southerncrone Nov 2012 #57

How encouraging to the OP. WinkyDink Nov 2012 #63

What does he think you should do? Is he cracking under TwilightGardener Nov 2012 #5

Heartless b------d. narnian60 Nov 2012 #6

Wow!! HUGS!!!!!!!!!! Illinoischick Nov 2012 #7

I have no answers to your specific problems but hope that after 18 yrs its not solely about the $$ riderinthestorm Nov 2012 #8

Thanks Rider, sometimes venting helps. peacebird Nov 2012 #11

That sounds very hopeful, peacebird. elleng Nov 2012 #17

VERY sorry, peacebird. elleng Nov 2012 #9

That's not love, it's control and manipulation. Beacool Nov 2012 #24

Thanks, beacool. elleng Nov 2012 #34

I'm glad that you got away from him. Beacool Nov 2012 #53

Thanks again. elleng Nov 2012 #59

It sounds like he is stressed out ohheckyeah Nov 2012 #10

I'm so sorry! abelenkpe Nov 2012 #12

So very sorry roody Nov 2012 #13

My shallow, trite answer would be to take the job Sheldon Cooper Nov 2012 #14

I like that idea, elleng Nov 2012 #16

Thanks. I think by calling it shallow and trite I was just Sheldon Cooper Nov 2012 #21

Stress and financial struggles can really bring out the worst in people etherealtruth Nov 2012 #15

Awww hugs! LeftyLucy22 Nov 2012 #18

Welcome to DU! hrmjustin Nov 2012 #19

Thanks! Good to be here! LeftyLucy22 Nov 2012 #35

terrible shame. When you should pull together, you rurallib Nov 2012 #20

I'm terribly sorry, Peacebird. Beacool Nov 2012 #22

We have not had a huge arguement like this for over a decade. We love & appreciate each other. peacebird Nov 2012 #27

OK, so this is not his normal behavior. Beacool Nov 2012 #28

I agree... LiberalFighter Nov 2012 #36

Yes, it's difficult to determine without knowing the details or the people involved. Beacool Nov 2012 #38

Agreed Sherman A1 Nov 2012 #61

peacebird, I wish you the very best. loudsue Nov 2012 #60

Financial stress is cause to get upset, but not say "there's the door" Hippo_Tron Nov 2012 #23

omg that must hurt. I am soooo sorry. Whisp Nov 2012 #25

All I can offer is hugs Smilo Nov 2012 #26

I am so sorry. letemrot Nov 2012 #29

I hope the outcome is whatever is best for you. Squinch Nov 2012 #30

He may want to take back what he said later. LiberalAndProud Nov 2012 #31

Thank you. I hope the Richmond job comes though, tho it is not one I want. peacebird Nov 2012 #37

Please, please go for couples' counseling. Nye Bevan Nov 2012 #32

Hugs nadinbrzezinski Nov 2012 #33

When my husband lost his job some time ago, there was badhair77 Nov 2012 #39

During a crisis, sometimes you find out how strong your relationship is. I hope things work out. Michigan Alum Nov 2012 #40

How long has it been since he said this? senseandsensibility Nov 2012 #41

Just before 8 this evening... I hope he will be more himself tomorrow...... peacebird Nov 2012 #43

So it hasn't been long at all. senseandsensibility Nov 2012 #47

There needs to be flexibility in the marriage. LiberalFighter Nov 2012 #42

So sorry Liberalynn Nov 2012 #44

I'm sorry you're going through this bad time. Baitball Blogger Nov 2012 #45

Oh wow gollygee Nov 2012 #46

I'm afraid some people have maladaptive responses to stress TheOther95Percent Nov 2012 #48

My hugs and prayers to you... but take the door of opportunity panAmerican Nov 2012 #50

I am sorry quakerboy Nov 2012 #51

Ouch ismnotwasm Nov 2012 #52

A change in finances can create a lot of problems sometimes... kentuck Nov 2012 #54

(((((((peacebird))))))) WillyT Nov 2012 #56

You know the man better than we do. Is this remotely expected from him? He could be under some bluestate10 Nov 2012 #58

Spam deleted by OKNancy (MIR Team) aadhirasharma4 Nov 2012 #62

I won't comment on your husbands behavior CanonRay Nov 2012 #64