When I was in Berlin (1986-92) with Army Intelligence, the community commander of one of the big bases in West Germany decided to find out how effective the homeschool dependents were learning, so he ordered all the families who were homeschooling to bring their children to the Department of Defense Dependent School on base to take the DODDS proficiency test for the grade they were supposed to be in. All of them failed. ALL of them. Not one kid passed. When he started asking questions he learned they were using a Bible-based curriculum - not something like Bob Jones University’s or Pensacola Christian College’s, which are actually decent courses, but some weird shit from a serious cult - that wasn’t teaching them anything but the Bible. So, the community commander shut down homeschooling in his area of responsibility. The mothers filed a religious discrimination complaint about him and got him forcibly retired.
This one’s better: Field Station Augsburg, which was one of the biggest units of its type, was unknowingly harboring a religious cult in its ranks. The six people in it one day got the idea that the Antichrist was going to appear on the beach near Pensacola, Fla., and they had to go fight him. Now please understand that if the Antichrist would have had the common courtesy to wait about three weeks to appear these guys could have gotten leave approved to go back to Corry Station and kick his ass in the name of Ralph Vandeman, the Father of Army Intelligence…but noooo, the worthless fuck had to show up when the unit was at its busiest. So they went AWOL, flew back on their passports, got caught and eventually all got thrown out of the Army. Needless to say, when I went to leadership school at Fort Devens and there were three FSA members in my clsss, the first thing I said to them was, “you know I’m gonna ask about the fucking religious cult you guys are running.” Auggie’s unit motto was Home of the Professionals, so naturally me being an asshole sometimes made a slight modification to their unit crest - now it reads Home of the Religious Cult. It looks better that way.
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