Rape more Common than Smoking in the US

[Raksha]

280. Thanks for the link. It's a very long thread and I didn't read all the posts,

but one that I did read and appreciated very much was this world-class rant from "Sheelzebub":

Sheelzebub August 9, 2012 at 9:04 am
You know, I’m getting tired of this trope. I’m going to be harsh with you because I’ve had my fill of this dismissive, belittling, erasing, victim-blaming shit. Your comment is quite like what women run into all. of. the. fucking. time. and it puts us in a position where we cannot win. And I am fucking goddamn sick of it.

These guys aren’t showing interest, they’re being 100% inappropriate. In fact, “inappropriate” is the mildest thing I can say about their behavior.

You do not grope people you are interested in. You do not hit on 16-year-olds (FFS). You do not SEXUALLY ASSAULT people. You do not harass people.

I mean, gosh, I feel so sorry that you’re worried that you’re seen as a creeper, but do you see what you just did there? You mention in passing that one of your women friends said she didn’t feel safe hanging out with your friend alone–and then go on to lecture us about how we MUST be more assertive with these guys, while whining that we have to understand that men feel defensive.

Except, hello, had you read the OP’s and the comments, you’d see that when we ARE assertive, we are dismissed as drama queens, the guy’s defended as socially awkward, and what he did is called no big deal. (Sort of like what ***you just did*** in your comment.) So tell me, how are we supposed to assert ourselves when our supposed friends will get defensive and excuse this shit? What, we’re supposed to coddle the menz who feel intimidated and scared of rejection (because women are never, EVER rejected ever, and socially awkward women apparently don’t exist, pay no attention to any woman who comments here)? We’re supposed to stand up for ourselves but then understand why it’s dismissed, we’re dismissed, and we’re left twisting in the wind when we feel THREATENED AND UNSAFE? And that feeling THREATENED AND UNSAFE is apparently okay since you dudes feel. . .defensive?

Seriously? Listen to yourself. You’re acting like part of the problem.

How about this? Instead of wagging your goddamn finger at women for not doing enough to school you like they’re your goddamn legion of mommies, you recognize that your defensiveness and your closing ranks around guys who violate boundaries and make women feel unsafe is the problem? How about you save your fucking finger wagging for your fellow dudely dudes, who harass women and/or brush it off when their friends do it? How about you keep in mind that awkward women exist and that we’re not given NEARLY the pass you dudes give yourselves? And that in addition to being socially awkward, we’re also now expected to expected to raise GROWN ASS MEN WHO SHOULD FUCKING KNOW BETTER.

You didn’t react to the revelation that women are often made to feel unsafe by saying, “Hey, I’d better step in and have my womens friends’ backs when stuff like this happens.” You chose to put the responsibility on us. That is not cool, and frankly, if a friend of mine pulled that shit with me he’d no longer be a friend.
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I can't relate to the specific example given, i.e. men closing ranks around a creepy dude, because my late husband would never have done that. He would have been the first to recognize a creepy dude even before I did, and would have warned me to stay away from him. If he ever had the slightest tendency that way, it lasted until he had a daughter, the acknowledged and overwhelming love of his life. The Goddess (Kali, in this case) help any creepy dude who even looked like he was going to mess with his precious baby!

Unfortunately, he couldn't protect her 24/7. Our daughter was just the kind of adorable little blond girl who is catnip for perverts. By the time she was 12 years old she had been molested about six times, mostly by older boys and men exposing themselves, but sometimes by feeling her up too. On one notable occasion, it happened in the local library when all of us were with her--my husband and her brother and me. But she was in the children's section and we were all distracted in other sections--and that was all it took.

I had to take the precaution of telling her explicitly that if she felt anything (i.e. sexually aroused) if a strange man touched her, that she was not to feel guilty about it; that it was a purely biological response and was NOT the same thing as consent. "It feels good when you touch yourself there, doesn't it?" I said. Fortunately, she was and is a smart girl and she understood.

I don't mean to suggest that my husband was 100% liberated--far from it. For example: he just could not "get it" about date rape when he first heard about it. He seemed genuinely mystified by the whole concept. He told me that when he was in high school, girls were "supposed" to put up at least a token protest against persistent guys--to protect their virtue, I guess. So then the guy was "supposed" to keep trying to push past her boundaries, to test whether NO really meant NO or not.

I went to high school at the same time he did, but I was still kind of flabbergasted when I realized my husband truly didn't understand what date rape was. I mean...what was the girl supposed to do, slap the guy in the face like in the old silent movies? Kick him in the balls? I guess that would make even the most dense guy realize that NO does indeed mean NO.