General Discussion

Hekate

(100,135 posts)

13. We spent our son's college fund to send him to private high school

Mon Dec 10, 2012, 01:03 AM

Dec 2012

His older sister had already dropped out of high school in 10th grade (got a GED later) -- when she was cutting all classes after home room no one seemed to notice or care that she was absent, nor did they phone me. Our son was in jr. hi and his attitude at school sucked, sucked, sucked.

My husband (the kids' stepdad) saw an article in the LA Times about a school we never heard of, and it sounded absolutely ideal for our son. We took him for a visit and he looked like he'd died and gone to heaven, like he'd do anything to go there and stay in. It was a great success. When he was finally ready to go to college, he put himself through.

We DO support public education. We would never, ever vote for vouchers or any other scheme to defund public schools. We both grew up financially marginal (middle class mostly by aspiration and not income) and private schooling was the furthest thing from our families' plans for ourselves and siblings.

BUT my husband and I were educated in the post-Sputnik era when the US was competing with the USSR in training future scientists. We grew up in states (he in New York city, and I in Hawai'i) where the respective dominant ethnic groups were all for rigorous education for their kids, and were both the largest number of teachers and the parents who pushed their kids to learn, no excuses thank you. It impacts the entire community when that is the case. We were completely unprepared for California in the mid-1990s.

The decision we made had to do with this: we could not save the public school system, but we were certainly obligated to save our own kids, and we were just damn sorry we didn't figure out what was going on in time to get out daughter out.

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

190 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

Would you buy your way out of bad public schools by sending your child to a private school? [View all] BrentWil Dec 2012 OP

Did it, for 2 daughters, in DC. elleng Dec 2012 #1

NO. graham4anything Dec 2012 #2

Private/parochial schools my daughters attended were very well integrated, elleng Dec 2012 #11

I can only speak from extended family members graham4anything Dec 2012 #19

Yes, 'one great teacher.' elleng Dec 2012 #22

financing...it's unfair money talks w/schooling.Youtube on how it should be(Venus explains the atom) graham4anything Dec 2012 #30

The difference between good public schools and terrible public schools XemaSab Dec 2012 #50

Kids only know what they are taught at home. So I would say that most of what happens in school kelliekat44 Dec 2012 #82

Cool. So it doesn't matter who the teachers are? Recursion Dec 2012 #83

I'm hoping you forgot the sarcasm icon proud2BlibKansan Dec 2012 #113

I'm annoyed by two contradictory statements Recursion Dec 2012 #116

The 'answer' is there IS no single answer, of course; It takes a village. elleng Dec 2012 #126

I think you misconstrued what I was saying XemaSab Dec 2012 #166

Good one, graham. elleng Dec 2012 #52

DC spends more per student than Fairfax County Recursion Dec 2012 #84

about money and 'history' of the district, culture, expectations, power of those interested, bureauc elleng Dec 2012 #129

And a few bad years in a row can break a child's spirit. pnwmom Dec 2012 #62

My university was WAAAAAAY whiter XemaSab Dec 2012 #46

Daughters had somewhat similar experiences, elleng Dec 2012 #56

The Catholic school my daughter attended for a while was MUCH more diverse in terms of pnwmom Dec 2012 #58

Not every private school is "tonied". RandySF Dec 2012 #61

Way to thin the ranks of teachers AlexSatan Dec 2012 #140

I don't know where you get that idea. All of the private schools our son attended (3 of them) Nay Dec 2012 #170

Yes. randomtagger Dec 2012 #190

I probably wouldn't want to live with a bunch of people who won't pay for quality schools. JVS Dec 2012 #3

Poor districts don't have the tax base. NT BrentWil Dec 2012 #6

And I consider the bad schools of such an area part of the tradeoff in buying a house in the area. JVS Dec 2012 #10

'shitty' districts are typically majority rentals owned by people who live elsewhere, often in the HiPointDem Dec 2012 #35

Is that a fact? XemaSab Dec 2012 #53

yes. shitty districts are typically poor districts and poor districts are typically majority rental. HiPointDem Dec 2012 #75

OK, but look at it from the other direction Recursion Dec 2012 #152

i'd say close to the same percent, since poor districts typically have more social problems & crime. HiPointDem Dec 2012 #156

While guesswork is obviously the right solution here, humor me and let's try to find some data Recursion Dec 2012 #159

Urban poor or rural poor? or suburban poor? kwassa Dec 2012 #172

to some extent it probably depends on school funding arrangements and the type of 'poor'. HiPointDem Dec 2012 #175

So? Dokkie Dec 2012 #160

In fact, the owners in central falls mostly don't live in central falls. and so it is in lots of HiPointDem Dec 2012 #174

But absentee landlords don't elect people who set the taxes and run the schools, the residents do. JVS Dec 2012 #180

yes, you might think so. yet it rarely happens. possibly you can think of some reasons why HiPointDem Dec 2012 #181

You still are no getting my point Dokkie Dec 2012 #187

the people in those rentals are likely not voting at all. CF is half hispanic, many of them recent HiPointDem Dec 2012 #189

And that's exactly the problem Brainstormy Dec 2012 #103

RIGHT, has been the problem in this country FOREVER, elleng Dec 2012 #127

Our district is regularly ranked among the best in the country but that doesn't mean pnwmom Dec 2012 #65

Is this a ProSense Dec 2012 #4

How? A rather simple question for you as a person... BrentWil Dec 2012 #7

private schools are extremely expensive. Private high school tuition costs as much as a state antigop Dec 2012 #5

Hence, the part, "if you could afford it" NT BrentWil Dec 2012 #8

that's the point...very few people can "afford it", esp. when you look at the median family income. antigop Dec 2012 #29

No, your point evades the question ... oldhippie Dec 2012 #149

private school justabob Dec 2012 #26

People either do that or move to a community with good public schools FarCenter Dec 2012 #9

I would send my child to private school if I could afford it liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #12

Japanese schools aren't "successful" lbrtbell Dec 2012 #17

you don't have to go to that extreme but American kids could stand liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #18

plenty of kids doing poorly in school already have more 'challenges' than they can handle. the HiPointDem Dec 2012 #76

It depends on where one is in Japan, I guess Art_from_Ark Dec 2012 #168

US districts with less than 10% poverty outscore other countries. US districts with less than 25% HiPointDem Dec 2012 #37

we live in an affluent community liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #38

the international tests have nothing to do with the memorization & test stats you're talking about. HiPointDem Dec 2012 #40

well I'm talking about real time liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #43

that is your personal situation. don't generalize from that to statements like "we need to do HiPointDem Dec 2012 #45

no we do not have a decent educational system liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #48

they're making plenty of structural changes; all for the worse, and proven so. yes, we have a HiPointDem Dec 2012 #51

I didn't say I agreed with turning public funds over to charters liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #57

public schools are perfectly capable of flexibility. however, that is not the path that is being HiPointDem Dec 2012 #77

this has been going on for decades liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #97

criticize whatever happened to your son all you like. critizing 'public education' in general HiPointDem Dec 2012 #106

sorry but trying to tell me I support privatization won't silence me liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #109

and they are thereby supporting privatization. neither the democrats nor the republicans want HiPointDem Dec 2012 #110

so when my child comes home crying and thinking he is stupid what do you expect me to do? liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #111

truth hurts HiPointDem Dec 2012 #112

Don't paint all public schools with the same brush. kwassa Dec 2012 #173

Are you for real? XemaSab Dec 2012 #60

we could be doing lots of things. that doesn't mean that our education system is below HiPointDem Dec 2012 #67

Hey, I can't spell for shit XemaSab Dec 2012 #68

i also went to public school all my life, & i spell great. HiPointDem Dec 2012 #69

You say while totally ignoring capitalization. XemaSab Dec 2012 #70

i ignore capitalization on chat boards because it makes typing faster. i am quite able to capitalize HiPointDem Dec 2012 #71

It should ring a Bell. nt msanthrope Dec 2012 #124

Alas, many ed deform efforts stick it to kids with disabilities KamaAina Dec 2012 #142

We spent our son's college fund to send him to private high school Hekate Dec 2012 #13

We made basically the same decision: that if they went to a private high school pnwmom Dec 2012 #133

Phrased quite well... onpatrol98 Dec 2012 #153

I moved to a better school district. Lone_Star_Dem Dec 2012 #14

the public high school my son was headed for is going to have 30 special education kids in it liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #15

That's not dissimilar to my situation. Lone_Star_Dem Dec 2012 #20

thank you liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #23

We opted for the smaller class size also. Adsos Letter Dec 2012 #27

class size doesn't matter, bill gates funded studies that prove it. however, like you, he sends HiPointDem Dec 2012 #147

Apparently so. n/t Adsos Letter Dec 2012 #150

I went to a private high school lbrtbell Dec 2012 #16

"There's a big difference between snobby private schools... Adsos Letter Dec 2012 #34

Sounds like a wonderful school! nt pnwmom Dec 2012 #134

Both my daughters went to private school K-12... Adsos Letter Dec 2012 #21

Smaller class size is what motivated us to put our kids in private school too. abelenkpe Dec 2012 #31

We are extremely appreciative of the whole experience our girls got at a small school. Adsos Letter Dec 2012 #39

The community of children is more important than one child FrodosPet Dec 2012 #24

that's easy to say if you don't have a child crying themselves to sleep at night liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #36

You ever get your ass kicked for being a racial minority? XemaSab Dec 2012 #63

Yes, I got my ass kicked for being a pacifist white nerd in 6th Grade FrodosPet Dec 2012 #73

Good for you for learning something beneficial XemaSab Dec 2012 #74

i feel so angry now, & i learned it from watching privileged people destroy the country. HiPointDem Dec 2012 #89

Unclear... onpatrol98 Dec 2012 #155

The premise of the OP is would you buy your child's way out of public school FrodosPet Dec 2012 #162

My Child's Education onpatrol98 Dec 2012 #188

I moved my two sons from an excellent public school district SheilaT Dec 2012 #25

+1 XemaSab Dec 2012 #64

We send our two kids to a private Montessori elementary school abelenkpe Dec 2012 #28

A neighbor, the wife of a real estate agent, once asked me why I was sending pnwmom Dec 2012 #66

Did it with a son and daughter. Lugnut Dec 2012 #32

Why would I keep my kid in a bad public school if there was any alternative, public or private? jeff47 Dec 2012 #33

In a heart beat... WCGreen Dec 2012 #41

I currently send my 7 year old to private school because of bad public schools. aikoaiko Dec 2012 #42

My mom sure as shit did XemaSab Dec 2012 #44

+1 liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #47

Yes Incitatus Dec 2012 #49

Neither. My wife is a public school teacher. We home school our child. nt kelly1mm Dec 2012 #54

You can support your public schools while still refusing to sacrifice your child's life pnwmom Dec 2012 #55

exactly liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #118

We had to buy our way out of daily bullying. RandySF Dec 2012 #59

Public schools have some serious problems you can't ignore davidn3600 Dec 2012 #72

There's a reason people with money buy the best education possible. MrSlayer Dec 2012 #78

I really hope most of you are around RandiFan1290 Dec 2012 #79

So your argument is....what exactly? jeff47 Dec 2012 #96

what is disgusting is the expectation to allow our children to be abused by the system liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #100

The democrats' education policy is exactly the same as the republicans'. The ruling class is HiPointDem Dec 2012 #178

Point out which poster suggested vouchers or de-funding schools Hekate Dec 2012 #138

I have it for my grandchildren, and my fear is not the academics but is the propensity for bullying mfcorey1 Dec 2012 #80

Bullying DonCoquixote Dec 2012 #157

My father worked overtime to send my brother and myself to private school. He didn't "buy his way Raine Dec 2012 #81

Private schools are not always what you think they are. avebury Dec 2012 #85

Sent my son to a private high school Shrek Dec 2012 #86

No. I'd find a way of starting an innovative and free afterschool program that no_hypocrisy Dec 2012 #87

You are buying into their propaganda gollygee Dec 2012 #88

and it's deliberate. deliberate destruction. HiPointDem Dec 2012 #92

Yes. ProSense Dec 2012 #93

Sending your kid to private school to avoid bad public schools does not mean wanting the destruction jeff47 Dec 2012 #98

zRIght. Thanks elleng Dec 2012 #132

the republicans don't have to make so bad we don't want to use it. liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #99

They've already done it gollygee Dec 2012 #121

yes it has already been done for decades now liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #123

if the schools were truly bad brokechris Dec 2012 #90

I would LWolf Dec 2012 #91

+1 proud2BlibKansan Dec 2012 #117

There is currently no one attempting to actually solve the problem. jeff47 Dec 2012 #141

Start by LWolf Dec 2012 #185

And 20 years later, things will be better jeff47 Dec 2012 #186

I am. AngryAmish Dec 2012 #94

Yes. nt hack89 Dec 2012 #95

My family has a history of living in towns with excellent school systems. Walk away Dec 2012 #101

yes small towns with good tax revenue seem to be a good way to go liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #104

Good luck! We are lucky to have a well run town and the taxes we pay give us... Walk away Dec 2012 #146

First define 'bad' school...a school that might not be the correct... Tikki Dec 2012 #102

Funding education is the only way you buy your way out of bad public schools! Coyotl Dec 2012 #105

My state is actually in violation of its own state constitution liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #115

I'm lucky, the public schools in my neighborhood are great. Nye Bevan Dec 2012 #107

Most loving parents do whatever it takes to protect their kids mainer Dec 2012 #108

my son keeps asking if there is a special education science class he can take liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #114

My parents are both public school teachers Arkana Dec 2012 #119

If you live in an upper class area you can find excellent schools. If you don't your out of luck. southernyankeebelle Dec 2012 #120

you've planted a seed liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #122

Oh I pray your right. You know I wonder at least for myself I have a family of 6 brothers and southernyankeebelle Dec 2012 #139

Well, when my children were young, I was a single parent who could not afford private Trailrider1951 Dec 2012 #125

As long as the private school was not a religious school. sarcasmo Dec 2012 #128

politicians are forcing that issue on us by intentionally breaking public schools yurbud Dec 2012 #130

+1. I like your post liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #131

I did it by moving to a community with a greater appreciation for the value of an education. Throd Dec 2012 #135

My oldest two went to public schools. My youngest goes to a private school. Xithras Dec 2012 #136

I agree and thank you for bringing up the fact that it is not just a budget issue liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #137

yes, one's first obligation is to one's child. but if it ends there, you accelerate the general HiPointDem Dec 2012 #148

I think there should be no such option, for rich or poor. We all should be in the same boat. TheKentuckian Dec 2012 #143

Yes, I surely would. I know a couple of VERY liberal, progressive Democrats who sent their children slackmaster Dec 2012 #144

Sectarian schools are NOT an option! Dawson Leery Dec 2012 #145

We did with our 1st child and we are with our 2nd child - Catholic school - Right down the block. benld74 Dec 2012 #151

We spent a bundle on private preschool and are using public elementary TBF Dec 2012 #154

Thanks to Christie most of the public schools in the state lost their state aid name not needed Dec 2012 #158

That's exactly what I did lillypaddle Dec 2012 #161

glad to see parents doing what's best for their children liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #167

Absolutely, without hesitation. Butterbean Dec 2012 #163

Yes, but only if moving to a better school district ecstatic Dec 2012 #164

or home schooling-- I did all three.... mike_c Dec 2012 #165

I did it for my son when we lived in TN & AL. No way was he going to the horrible local Nay Dec 2012 #169

This is what dh and I did: MissB Dec 2012 #171

I know people at work that used to do that. The work location and where the housing was had really RKP5637 Dec 2012 #176

Yes, of course. Common Sense Party Dec 2012 #177

HELL YES IDoMath Dec 2012 #179

yes my kids education comes first. loli phabay Dec 2012 #182

I'm surprised you haven't been PPR'ed yet. "Bad public schools"?? One hardly coalition_unwilling Dec 2012 #183

My daughter goes to a wonderful secular private school. wilsonbooks Dec 2012 #184