Communication: 80% Body Language; 15% Tone & 5% Actual Words. [View all]

[IdaBriggs]

There is a post about a woman who had a cashier say "Merry Christmas" in an antagonizing manner. The focus in the thread is on the words.

But we human beings don't communicate with "just words" - we use body language and tone. The "right words" can turn into dread insult depending on the body language and vocal tone used. Don't believe me? Try picturing the following --

The words are "I'm sorry."

= Picture a small child, head bowed low and tears streaming. Do you believe them? Do they mean it?

= Next a teenage, with arms crossed, a defiant look on their face, and a tone dripping with sarcasm. The words are the same; do you believe them? Do they mean it?

= Now an adult, lips pursed, not looking you in the eye, an annoyed expression on their face. Same questions.

= Last another adult, holding their arms out to you, direct eye contact, a sympathetic expression on their face. Same questions.

In each case, the words are the same, but in each case we are trained to determine the context by the body language (lowered head, arms crossed or extended, lips pursed, gaze averted or direct eye contact) and the vocal intonations - devastated, sarcastic, annoyed, sympathetic.

Sometimes words are just words; sometimes "Merry Christmas" is a friendly greeting, and sometimes it is a hostile insult.

In all situations, including today's "Merry Christmas" discussion, if we pretend there is NO PROBLEM ("you imagined the insult!&quot , we cannot address the issue(s). If we pretend people are telling the truth when reality is that they are lying, one side gets to call the other crazy, and the problems continue. And people who trust only "the words" while ignoring body language and tone issues are missing the majority of communication we human beings use to build - or destroy - our communities.

In the case of the hostile "Merry Christmas" encounter, I believe the poster accurately reported her perceptions. I trust her skills in decoding the meta-message. With that being said, the "real issue" is the perception of a "war on Christmas" - it is designed to make a majority of believers think they are a persecuted minority.

Being a persecuted minority is a reason for outrage and hostility. It destroys community; it doesn't pull neighbors together - it pulls them apart.

How can we reach these people? How can we stop "the war on Christians" when only certain media outlets are fighting it?