Why a second Death Star won't be that bad. [View all]

[Susan Calvin]

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/heres-why-a-second-death-star-wont-be-that-bad

“Mr. Trump’s first term was better than expected… the authoritarian rule that Democrats and the press predicted never appeared. Mr. Trump was too undisciplined, and his attention span too short, to stay on one message much less stage a coup. America’s checks and balances held… We don’t buy the fascism fears, and we doubt Democrats really do either.” — Wall Street Journal Editorial Board, 10/31/24
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Well, it looks as if the Empire has struck back, destroying the rebel base on Hoth and regaining dominance of the galaxy just a few years after the Death Star was destroyed. With many anxious about Palpatine’s resurgence, I, a columnist for the Trade Federation Gazette, am here to tell you that a second Death Star won’t be as bad as some are making it out to be.

It might seem completely delusional to be optimistic about the Empire retaking control of the galaxy, given that Palpatine’s mind has become so ravaged by the power of the Sith that he spends most of his day stumbling around screaming, “They’re eating the Ewoks!” and pretending to fellate Darth Vader’s lightsaber. But as far as we’re concerned, having a madman so consumed by revenge that it has literally scrambled his brain can only be a good thing. It’s fine to have a decaying lunatic in charge of planet-destroying weapons as long as he wields them willy-nilly rather than with a disciplined agenda.