“I think I’m going to be sick.”

[3catwoman3]

37. The word closure bothers me enormously...

...and is tossed around way too casually, IMO. I do not think closure exists in these circumstances. You are completely right that this wound will never heal. Gradually, as years go by, the pain will soften somewhat, but it will always be there. You pull yourself together and go on because you must, but you are forever changed.

When I was 26, my 23 yr old brother, my only sibling, died in 1978, while attempting under ice scuba diving and photography. Didn't drown. No equipment failure. Probably a cold arrhythmia. The reason doesn't really matter. He's gone.

It didn't happen in December - it was February. His birthday was in May, 3 days before my parents' wedding anniversary - no where near Christmas. Nonetheless, my parents never again put up a Christmas tree. They just couldn't bring themselves to do it. We were not a traditionally religious family, but enjoyed the holiday anyway. I especially enjoy Christmas carols. I can listen to them, I can play them on the piano. I can no longer sing them without choking up. Odd.

The early loss of a child or young adult has such far reaching effects. My early twenties 2 sons have no cousins. No one will ever call me "aunt." I cannot share memories of childhood with the one person with who I shared that childhood.

I do not post this here looking for sympathy, but to share a bit of perspective on just a few of the far reaching effects of losses such as these.