I was diagnosed with Bipolar II last summer, spent 3 weeks in a psychiatric day program.

[Fire Walk With Me]

15. Mental illness is one of the last societal taboos, in that "we don't discuss it" in public

and like gay rights and equality, it's time to start the discussion and to dispel any lack of education regarding it.

I'm dual diagnosis and have had a horrible life, and in being ill, have sometimes caused emotional harm to those around me. I have to work to not use my errors as reasons to cultivate self-damaging moods, etc. I have absolutely no idea how to fix any harm I've caused, and it would be ludicrous to imagine that I am unaware or unremorseful about any of it. I've also been an easy target for some who, lacking any sense of compassion and empathy whatsoever, find "entertainment" in pushing my buttons over and over and over. One person on an internet forum I used to frequent even had an autosignature stating "Never underestimate the entertainment value of a nutjob". They have no concept that I fully understood this and how absolutely mortifying it was, and is. Learning about my illness occurred most publicly on the eternal internet. People call me an Asperger or borderline Autist and imagine that I don't realize they are discussing me, and that it HURTS. Life is difficult enough without being so very different, and instead of being supported and understood, experiencing gossip and abuse. "Being laughed at, is like being whipped." -Hemingway, "Tortilla Flat".

I've gotten angry in attempts to run off these jerks, but all it did, of course I now understand, was empower them. If I've been sick and destructive, it's out of pain beyond my ability to describe, loneliness along those lines, and knowing that I'll never ever fit in or be able to function like my fellows, or have many of the things they take for granted. I'm still willing after all of this to suit up and show up regardless, and to work toward a better world, one which is obviously so very desperately needed.

I'm so terribly sorry for your experience in this regard. I'm sorry that the shooting has had to occur for this conversation be started. But I guess that it's time.

Mental illness is far more complex than "normal" people would imagine. That it ever ends in tragedy is beyond my ability to discuss. That it should be the subject of greater empathy, understanding, and support is something for which I must hope. Peace to you. Thank you to all who do support and attempt to understand.