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In reply to the discussion: Just found out my spouse is negotiating terms of my divorce with their lover - behind my back. How rude! [View all]WheelWalker
(9,402 posts)The Buddhist parable of The Second Arrow goes like this:
You are walking in the woods and suddenly you get struck by an arrow (someone fires an arrow at you) and it hits your arm and it really really hurtsit is very painful and you feel that physical pain in your arm, and its bleeding. And then immediately your mind starts to think, Oh my god! whats gonna happen? What if I bleed to death? What if this is infected and I cant walk back home properly? Or I lose energy and I cant get back to my family? Whats gonna happen to my family? Whats gonna be happening to my husband/wife/my children? Whats gonna happen to me or whats going to happen to their future, how will they be doing?
The Buddha described the first arrow as the physical pain and the second arrow is what your mind doesit starts thinking about the worst scenario that can happen (catastrophizing, minimizing, blaming). And the Buddha says, be warned of the second arrow.
More generally, life can be seen as two arrows. The first arrow is what we experience, one moment to the next. The second Arrow is how we respond to the first arrow. Whether the first arrow (our experience) is pain or pleasure, the second arrow (our mind) can exacerbate the suffering or enhance the pleasure of the experience of the first arrow.
Be aware of the Second Arrow.