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SoCalDem

(103,856 posts)

22. "Denial" especially after the fact can be a defense mechanism

Sun Dec 16, 2012, 08:56 PM

Dec 2012

But I still believe that deep down they do know that something is just not right. and denial is different from not knowing. Rape/incest in families is a totally different thing because it's usually a breadwinner (father/step-father), so impoverishment of the entire family, if he is brought to justice, enters the equation.... not knowing is morphed into ignoring .. Ignoring is not necessarily denial.

Families who claim to not have known when pushed in front of a camera are kind of forced into claiming they had no idea. To admit they "saw something" but did nothing would be unthinkable for them at that time.

It's like when soldiers killed in a bullshit war are automatically called heroes. Parents have to suspend disbelief to cling to that notion.

To think that their soldier died for nothing would be unthinkably cruel to admit.

We all use coping mechanisms when we have to, but that does not mean that there is not a real "something" that needs to (or needed to) be dealt with.

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Parents "know".. especially Mothers [View all] SoCalDem Dec 2012 OP

Exactly Blue_Roses Dec 2012 #1

Adam's mother took him out of school. grasswire Dec 2012 #2

Perhaps a special plan could be made for those kids or maybe other family members SoCalDem Dec 2012 #5

You'd be surprised how many disabled kids are home schooled proud2BlibKansan Dec 2012 #23

Excellent post malaise Dec 2012 #3

beautiful written Corgigal Dec 2012 #4

I think that private schools may be the worst to address this because they rely on big-bucks SoCalDem Dec 2012 #6

Parents reteachinwi Dec 2012 #43

fsorry but parents DON'T always know, especially Mothers elehhhhna Dec 2012 #7

Most parents know if their kid has no friends SoCalDem Dec 2012 #10

Poetic as the idea may sound, no, parents are not as a rule telepathic. (nt) Posteritatis Dec 2012 #8

You do not have to be telepathic to see that your child has no friends and burns himself to "feel" SoCalDem Dec 2012 #11

And yet, somehow, parents are regularly surprised. (nt) Posteritatis Dec 2012 #12

well that's some real twisting of facts TorchTheWitch Dec 2012 #29

Excellent, K&R! Carolina Dec 2012 #9

Often true, but divorce and/or oppositional parenting...one sees, the other won't...or they blame libdem4life Dec 2012 #13

They divorced 3 yrs ago..he was 17 or so SoCalDem Dec 2012 #14

She was a stay-at-home mom with ample funds and likely appropriate mental health libdem4life Dec 2012 #18

She had the fewest choices? Really? blueamy66 Dec 2012 #33

Many do not have the choice to stay at home, as you mention, Given her circumstances, libdem4life Dec 2012 #38

Okay, it's tough being a Mom... blueamy66 Dec 2012 #40

Have you read this essay by Susan Klebold (Columbine spree murder Dylan Klebold's mom)? riderinthestorm Dec 2012 #19

never underestimate the power of denial. it runs deep in some people, and no... they do not see what bettyellen Dec 2012 #15

If health care was mandatory ... GeorgeGist Dec 2012 #16

Sadly, only paying for health insurance is mandatory, or will be shortly n/t Fumesucker Dec 2012 #26

On the other hand, many parents do NOT "know". It's called denial and extremely common. KittyWampus Dec 2012 #17

Unfortunately, true. HereSince1628 Dec 2012 #21

"Denial" especially after the fact can be a defense mechanism SoCalDem Dec 2012 #22

Yes parents usually do know... CraftyGal Dec 2012 #20

When I was raped as a 6 yr old, I counted holes in the ceiling tiles SoCalDem Dec 2012 #25

So sorry blueamy66 Dec 2012 #36

Dylan Kelbold's mom didn't know proud2BlibKansan Dec 2012 #24

Don't underestimate denial JVS Dec 2012 #27

and then we have come full-circle SoCalDem Dec 2012 #28

The saying "love is blind" is very apt and the very arthritisR_US Dec 2012 #39

Many times the problems don't manifest until they are teens or young adults Live and Learn Dec 2012 #30

I haven't read any of the responses....felt I needed to chime in right away blueamy66 Dec 2012 #31

Sorry for the loss of your brother..and bravo to Mom SoCalDem Dec 2012 #32

Oh they are. I'm two years into it with my (now) 16 yr old daughter. riderinthestorm Dec 2012 #34

He turned 35 last week, is happily married and expecting to be a first time Daddy next month SoCalDem Dec 2012 #41

Good for you. This was about 15 yrs ago.... blueamy66 Dec 2012 #35

"especially Mothers"?? As a man who raised four kids alone, why "especially Mothers"?? panader0 Dec 2012 #37

Can we please not stigmatize kids who are shy, or nerdy, smart, antisocial or different from this? Warren DeMontague Dec 2012 #42