Constant clashes between values and reality: why things aren't so simple for me [View all]

[tornado34jh]

This is a long one, but you'll understand what the whole idea is

So as many of you know, I have a particular that of values that I go by. I have heard many say don't buy Amazon, don't use Facebook/Instagram, don't go to Target, don't live in red states like Florida. Yet I still do, why you might ask? Well, it's not that simple for me. The reality is, I really don't have that many options, and the other options would be worse for me. If I did have more options, I would do so. Every day I have this clash of what I believe in and what the reality is. This is the reality of an autistic person who has values that clash with the reality.

Let's start off on where I am. So I live in Orlando, in a state that is red. Don't get me wrong, I love the thunderstorms we get here. I despise the governor here. But it is important to understand where things stand. I am trying to look for a job here, but I can't gloss over how much is cost. My rent here is $991, and that is not counting the utility bill. Currently, SSI barely covers the rent right now. Yes, I do get stuff from Wellcare and EBT, but even then, prices are getting higher here. I also pay for internet and ACCESS Lynx, the paratransit here in Orlando. So it's very expensive to live here, and it is already tight as it is. I can't drive, and even if I could and had the desire to do so, I couldn't afford a car.

Before I continue, as a disclaimer, I did vote Democrat across the board, and I am registered as a Democrat (started as an independent but voted Democrat). So I am aware of what Amazon and Target are, and I despise their values, but why am I still going there? Well, Target is often, but not always, cheaper than Publix, and even Walmart is somewhat cheaper than Publix. As I said, the SSI barely covers rent as it is, so I often have to go find things that are cheaper even though their values clash with mine. In regards to Amazon, while I do live near a shopping area, stores like Best Buy, Target, Walmart, and some other places don't have the stuff I am looking for or want, or least not in the nearby area that wouldn't force me to take ACCESS Lynx. For example, I right now want to save up to get a new computer, but Best Buy doesn't have the ones I am looking for. The night lights that I have for my apartment that you can choose the color and brightness, I likely would not find the one I want in most of the stores here.

As it is, I am on thin ice here. So I have Type 2 DM (much to my immense chagrin), and if by July 1st, when the lease renews, I can't get that and my weight controlled, I might be forced to move out, because my parents are paying for the services here, and I think it is around $3,000 per month. But here's the thing, they are moving back to Montana at the end of this week. Their house, while admittingly have great views, sits in a rural part of Whitefish, Montana where there are no sidewalks and it isn't that close to downtown Whitefish. Moving there would be worse, as my hands don't really work well in cold temperatures, I would have nowhere to go, SSI and all that would have to be changed, none of the doctors are going to be close to me. So it is just as much of a financial issue as to why I can't easily move to say, Washington DC or Chicago. I also don't know anybody that I have seen recently that lives here. That's why if SSI goes due to these bastards in the government, I am likely screwed.

Moving back to Lakeland is no good because it would be further away from my family, and the old place I lived in is not in good straits. It's very complicated, but to give you a synopsis, basically, they have not paid taxes since 2022. They are running a deficit of I believe $430,000. They had to sell some houses that they had. There was a place called the Nest. That was the place where people like me would be put there until they had an apartment available. They also had some properties near the main place. Well, due to financial troubles, they had to sell it. But it gets worse, I found out last week from one of my friends whose daughter lives in the main campus that the local church, First United Methodist, donated $52,000 for the Nest, and they did the same for the houses just outside of the place. So the pastor there is not happy and is investigating what happened to that. Not only that, it uprooted people that had nowhere to go; some of their parents either aren't there, they passed away, or live in a different state. So I would be surprised if it were to last over the next 12 months, which would be terrible because I believe there are 100 residents living there. There are also lawsuits going on, issues between the staff and parents, so it's a big hurricane of a mess.

Now as for Social Media, I am aware of what Instagram and Facebook are doing. But the thing is, everybody I know is either on Facebook or Instagram, few are even on Threads. I know nobody that uses Bluesky, and I doubt that any of the ones I know will likely switch. Some of my liberal friends still post on Instagram and Facebook, and their posts haven't been taken down or deleted, at least not extensively, for now. Because there really is no other way to contact them (heck I don't have their phone numbers let alone their emails), I can't really delete my Facebook/Instagram accounts unless they somehow move to say Bluesky. Also, when it's the hurricane season here in Florida or when I do get lightning pictures (haven't been able to do so), I post on both those. So it's not something I can really do.

So all in all, this is the reality of what I have to contend with. Even though I still shop at Target, Walmart, and Amazon, it's not because I agree with their values, it's because I really don't have much of a choice, same with jobs. The job market here in Orlando isn't very great, so I have to take what I can get. The only other choice for me would be to move to Montana, but that would make it even more difficult for me. Never mind the fact that my parents support Trump (along with my aunt and uncle and one of my cousins, hence I might likely be the only one that didn't), but Whitefish/Kalispell doesn't have a very large job market. There is no paratransit there and I likely wouldn't get services there, so I would prefer to avoid that. Also, I am not sure how long my parents are going to stay in Montana. From what I understand, they are thinking maybe North Carolina in a year or so. I don't have the financial means to move and live in DC or something like that. With Type 2 DM, it's even harder. Because of the financial situation, I can't really be choosy with the places to shop and the like because it is already tight as it is.

My brother, who is in the Navy, I believe is going to go to a naval school in Rhode Island. My sister lives in Atlanta, but I can't predict if they will stay there. Both my grandparents passed away, so Wisconsin is out. So I don't have a lot of options. Besides Facebook and Instagram, I don't have any other way to contact most of my friends. So as frustrating as it that it clashes with my values, while many could do things like avoid Amazon, Target, Facebook, not live in Florida, etc., I do not have that choice. This the reality of where things stand for me.

Unfortunately, I think there are going to be more companies that will follow Musk/Trump and the oligarchy we have here. Once again, I can't really avoid them without it seriously affecting me. So I unfortunately am stuck between my values and the reality of the fact I have very few choices, and the ones I do will seriously affect/be worse for me. I hate it, but there really isn't much choices that I have. Such is the problems I face in a world that I am increasingly cynical about.