The Newtown tragedy will turn out to be related to Pharmaceuticals.

[Bennyboy]

35. My Zoloft story...

I had a home invasion robbery at my house. 27 shots fired, almost dead, the whole deal. And after that I started having serious panic attacks. Serious, like my heart would jump out of my chest, like I was scared to death. So, at my (now ex) wife's urging, I went to my doctor .After a 2 minute diagnosis ("Do you think about death, are you sad for no reason&quot I was prescribed Zoloft. Followed instructions like crazy. Hardly smoked weed, but drank a bit, then a lot. Made it worse. 6 weeks in when I felt worse, not better, I went back and told the doc I didn't like it, he doubled the dose and within that 6 week period my life was OVER.

I drank more, my sex drive non existent etc. More suicide thoughts, more panic about everything. Seriously out of it. I couldn't hold on to anything. It was like a side of me was missing. Some days I would be in a movie, one only I saw, with me being the lead character. really hard to describe the feeling.... I got more violent (slamming door breaking things purposely) as well and had an incident with my wife that led to our breakup. (Which was not violent, a spirited argument yes, but she was never touched)....

Also I had a therapist, a psychologist, but he was of not much help there at all. Probably me at fault for that but at the time I had a LOT going on and hated both my wife and her kid for the shootout. Mostly because exactly what I sad was going to happen did, with her kid being "Homeschooled".... (drug sales, tons of kids in the house all day long playing video games "Idle hands are the devils workshop&quot


Now that does not mean that my life was all roses and kisses, I had a lot going on then. The shootout, the lawsuit, the collapse of my biz,health, heart issues, my Dad's rapid descent into craziness, etc. so things were pretty shitty.

I lost everything. 40 bucks and a car that ran exactly eight miles. of course eventually I lost my healthcare so being able to afford pills was out of the question and keeping a therapist as well. But I also knew the pills were not helping at all. I just could not get clear in my head. I made some horrific business decisions for which I am paying for to this day and I just never felt well until I stopped taking them.

Yeah my life was pretty tough then, getting divorced, still being sued by the guy that tried to kill me, near homeless, ripoff in business, parent's crazy and violent, etc.. But I did it. And I started to get better. More focused. I would still get panic'y but when things weren't like that I could handle it, not be mentally impaired the entire day long.


Went back to smoking weed (For most of the time on Prozac I did not smoke due to it raising the chance of panic) and guess what, still get depressed but it is nothing like it was back then. My panic attacks are a lot less and a lot more manageable. I have learned to maintain things better now and not think that I am dying all the time. Of course my life is upended once again (my Mom is in the hospital right now in ICU) and that will cause enormous upheaval in my life once again, and I may get depressed again but never will I take another pill to treat it.


But,If I saw that doctor walking down the street I would beat his ass.