Labor Day renamed to CEO Loyalty Oath Day [View all]

[CloudWatcher]

The White House today capped a decades long effort to demonize labor unions by issuing an Executive Order changing the Labor Day holiday to CEO Loyalty Oath Day ("Capitalist Day" for short), and removing it from the list of federal holidays. Asserting that "the thralls and minions of our god-like CEOs have routinely forgotten their place" and that a "public oath swearing and bending of the knee is more useful than yet another woke holiday."

The same Executive Order contains the additional requirements:

- Unemployment insurance claims treat dismissal for any insubordination (including failing to swear fealty to the CEO) as "for cause" and is essentially a voluntary resignation by the employee, banning them from collecting any unemployment benefits.

- CEOs must be paid at least 1000 times more than the median wage of their employees. And that if funds are scarce, all minimum wage laws can be waived to accommodate this ratio.

- Membership in a union will automatically negate a person's right to vote. Rehabilitation may be possible after a period of no less than 8 years, and then only with the approval of the local heads of law enforcement.

- Being a labor union officer is now a class two felony.

- The military "Oath of Enlistment" and "Oath of Office" will be updated to replace the word Constitution with President.





... at least for now.