"Darling, be a dear and DO click on the floor lamp."

[RVN VET71]

27. Maybe "The man who bought a hat and found an old lady under it"?

Look, I got nuttin' against Melanie. No, wait, yeah. I got a shitload against her. I remember when Christmas at the WH used to be super-festive instead of spooky and ugly, and the "First Lady" didn't say "Fuck Christmas". I also remember a beautiful Rose Garden. I also remember the "I really don't care. Do you?" jacket. And there's plenty of "Et Ceterases" I could add.*

So, yeah, I called her an old lady on accounts that what she is. She married money and discovered she'd been short changed by a corpulent, bankrupt idiot who was as phony as she was "for sale". She had a baby even as her old man was setting up a tryst with Stephanie Clifford. And then, the fat bastard decided to run for President so she couldn't venture out of the marriage bonds for her own trysts because the paparazzi wouldn't leave her alone. HA HA HA!!

So I will call her "Melanie Floorlamp from now on.

*My attempt at Classical Latin, which explains why Brother Lawrence used his rubber strap on my hand more than occasionally in his Latin class. Now I think of it, how can you pluralize a plural noun (cetera - other things, I am pretty sure) anyway? (Oh, and he gave me a C and told me I should have failed but I'd suffered enough -- the rubber strap hurt like hell. Used to make me hold out my left hand and recite the 5th declension paradigm while he "WHAM!" . . . and I'm left-handed! He'd grin. My high school years was filled with shit like that.

But Melania Floorlamp has the same effect on my tattered and bruised soul, on America's tattered and bruised soul.