Whatever happens, at least your uncle has you--and that probably means more to him than you know. Were I in his place, I know it would mean a lot to me.
What you're going through stirs up a lot of stuff for me. Vietnam again, and the profound sense of loss and grief that goes with it. Those I knew who died there (more than 60), and those we've lost in the aftermath--some by their own hand. Losing my little brother, who served with me in Vietnam, 2 years ago.
I've had a lot of personal experience with loss and grief, but I'm not sure I'm getting any better at dealing with it, or that I have any special wisdom to offer you.
If worse comes to worst, it may, in a way, be tougher on you than on your uncle. He's been through a lot, and he's a survivor. If he was in the jungle with the spiders, he may have been an Infantryman--which means he's been through some shit, and more shit being wounded. He probably lost friends there, and more over the years afterward. He probably has a lot of experience, himself, with loss and grief. And, like a lot of us, he's probably experienced amazement that he's still here.
As for his PTSD and substance abuse, a lot of us have been there, done that. But many of us recognize not only the negative and tragic consequences of that fucking war in our lives; we also see the positive consequences. On visits to schools to speak about the war, one thing i'd say was, "You didn't have to go to Vietnam to find your compassion. But it sure could add a lot of depth."
When you see your uncle again, you might ask him if he gained anything positive from his war experience. You said he regained his family, which is a striking development. Raising the question about the positive effects of Vietnam may be illuminating.
Let me say again:
Whatever happens, at least your uncle has you--and that probably means more to him than you know. Were I in his place, I know it would mean a lot to me.
And, when you see him again, tell him you ran into another VN vet online who says, "Welcome home, brother," and wishes him the best...
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