The Borowitz Report-Greenland Suggests Trump Acquire Epstein's Island Instead [View all]

[LetMyPeopleVote]

A good idea from @borowitzreport.bsky.social
"Greenland Suggests Trump Acquire Epstein’s Island Instead"
But even better?
Rename Greenland #EpsteinIsland & Trump will never touch it or mention it again!
Are all the MAGA Men rushing to enlist & fight?
Hell No!
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...

— Boehlert Media Busters (@mediabusters6.bsky.social) 2026-01-15T14:19:50.959Z

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/greenland-suggests-trump-acquire

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a counterproposal designed to ease tensions with the United States, on Thursday Greenland suggested that Donald J. Trump acquire Jeffrey Epstein’s island instead.

“President Trump has no roots on our island,” Greenlandic government spokesman Hartvig Dorkelson said. “Epstein’s island, on the other hand, must stir many happy memories for him.”

Acknowledging that Epstein’s island “could benefit from rebranding,” Dorkelson said, “More than the Kennedy Center, this is a place that should have Trump’s name on it.”

Meanwhile, Trump ramped up his imperialist rhetoric, declaring that the US needed to own Lapland in order to corner the world market in laptops.